I am a little geeked however. One because I'm not sized out and more importantly not priced out. There are a few pieces that I really -really- fucking love (at least on sight) and can actually afford.
The size issue for me is way less important to me than the price issue. Economically speaking it doesn't matter what size I am, 80% of the time I can't afford the clothing I like and I don't have the skills to make it myself.
Which is what (okay it's taken me forever to figure this out) kind of chapped my ass about a recent conversation over at Fatshionista about inbetweenie privilege. It wasn't so much the issue that yes, as someone who's on the smaller end of fat there is privilege in me being able to ostensibly walk into a store and buy.
What stuck in my craw was somewhere in that vast conversation there was the suggestion that inbetweenie people only or try to post things that come from actual plus size stores.
I fully own that whomever said it was a.)not talking to me and b.) this is my own shit but that is what got me all butthurt.
I had this intense and bad feeling of being unwelcome. Aside from people expressing discomfort about not as fat bodies. Just a heads up, even if it's your private space that still hurts. I'm not saying how you feel is invalid but it hurts. It might not be a personal thing but it does in fact feel like a personal thing.
Back on topic.
I can't buy clothes from places like Igigi, Eshakti, Torrid (most of the time) unless I do some amazing thrifting and I just had that feeling.
I suppose if you've never been poor you might not get it.
I don't know how to really explain how deeply this particular economic pain is for me personally.
Sometimes I get so frustrated because I often wind up getting what I can afford versus what I would love and after spending a long time struggling, and years making decisions like do laundry or eat for the week it just chaps my ass.
Granted I'm not quite that poor anymore.
But it's still there and highly colors my view sometimes of the things people in the fat community say.
I've learned to separate my personal butthurt feelings from what I feel are more specific issues and it's been hard.
So yeah I can tell you how when whatever company is lambasted for say being a shit company (walmart), sometimes having questionable adverts/product listings (Torrid) or having a shitty start to plus size clothes, there is a part of me (sometimes more of me than I'd like to admit) that is really hurt.
What I often want to say is, "good for you, you have that option but some of us are fucking poor and get it where we can."
I don't usually because other places are not my litterbox to piss in and I don't like engaging about an issue that I quite frankly can't do anything about.
And if I'm telling you my homies the truth, the next person that talks to me about my shopping ethics is getting kicked in the shin.
If I hear one more person give me a yer terrible for buying drawers at Walmart you should buy 18$ all organic fair trade drawers, they can fuck right off.
Now it wasn't just the Fatshionista that kicked up my Poor Folks hackles.
I also missed a really awesome local event because Uniballer and I can't afford tickets to things like that and my work schedule/back problems preclude me from doing a lot of volunteering.
It gets me down.
Also the fact that if we had money for tickets I wouldn't have anything to wear.
Your very own Gothity darkity darkdark dark does not have clubwear anymore.
Because I can't afford it.
Granted, I could cobble something together for say a night out at the Mercury or one of the Vogue nights but I don't have anything fancy and my attempts at fancy have not been uh...fancy.
And it gets me down sometimes.
However, I am pulling out of it I think.
Things are looking up.
I've got some actual stock made for the crocheted uglycute accessories store I want to open on Etsy. Uniballer and I are way more financially stable than we have been in awhile.
And I worked through it which is the most important thing.
For a long time I've had a habit of just pushing these things out of the way because I have to do other shit. I have to work. I have to try to be a better partner to Uniballer. There's all this other stuff and I'm only just learning that sometimes it's okay to slow my roll and deal with my own shit.
So that's where I've been and what Spring is about for me apparently is working through my shit.
You know what I mean?
Now how about some links?
Oh WAIT I have new advice that is like LIFE advice people, I feel so honored anyone would ask me for advice not having to do with sexytimes and I am working on your advice my homie.
Okay so links..worksafe first.
Okay if you haven't heard you better ask somebody Marianne and Kate's BOOK IS FREAKING OUT. FUCK YES you guys. FUCK YEAH. I am so happy and excited for you both.
Peggy posted herself in her underpants and I really love her post go read it. Also I'm still 12 saying underpants makes me giggle out loud no lie. And yeah not totally worksafe if your workplace is averse to ladies in panties.
Via BigLiberty I found a new blog called “Real Stories of Fat Hate and Discrimination”. You should read it.
Now for some totally not work safe stuff mmkay.
So via my latest serious girlcrush (Oh YES baby I am talking about your fine ass) Mollena I have discovered a fetish photographer who's work is hugely representative of some of the things I've ranted about when it comes to fetish and sexual photography. Eurocrush let me show you him.
Fucking beautiful. So many photographs that touch me and not just in a crotch tingly kind of way. His models aren't photoshopped into unrecognizable interchangeable fetish barbies. I just fucking love his photos.
Next up a Sex and Gender blog I discovered on Twitter. Sexgenderbody. Absolutely worth a read.
Next up, yet another girlycrush. Artist Hazel Dooney. I like the way she writes, I love her art. No really I fucking love it because it makes me think and that my friends is a beautiful thing.
One more, more worksafe is UglyArt by UglyShyla. You'll notice I've had her banner her just below the lovely Miss Sarah for a long time. I really like her a lot. I don't always get her art but I enjoy it. I have a couple of her pieces. One clothing item and an art card thingy that I bought from her years and years ago. I also think she's a pretty cool person.
Okay it's late and Uniballer and I have yet to have dinner and I needs a bath.
So I'm back and feeling pretty punchy. I am still having insane allergies. I think this year I'm allergic to fucking Washington in general and the meds that work leave me really groggy and stupid.
And I owe someone an email what the hell?
OH no wait I got it, it's none other than one of my other favorite people and authors M.Christian. Google him, he is fantastic and a total sweetheart.
So yeah email, foods, bath, nails bed.