Pardon if this goes all over the place I'm on day three of a migraine. Thankfully it's finally in a downturn but still.
I started a thinky post about some stuff I find to be bullshit but I'm not in the mood.
So instead I'll answer a couple of random questions I've gotten lately via my webform thingy.
Someone wanted to know why I don't post in either the Inbetweenie or Fatshionista communities on LJ.
The latter mainly because I am well aware of the uh, discomfort of some of the community with smaller fat folks and I just don't want to deal with how I feel about that in any kind of confrontational (as in confrontation with myself) way. I quite honestly hate feeling like I'm making someone uncomfortable. Granted, I'd prefer not to feel that way but it is how I feel.
Also, to tell you the truth there are some things I've been hearing about my clothes for the last twenty years that I don't want to hear ever again namely:
"You should wear more color"
-Not my thing. Yes I can appreciate and enjoy color but my personal aesthetic is not that. Granted I'm no longer the uber fancy goth of awesome I used to be but still. I'm over hearing about it and explaining it.
"I wish that was tighter/more form fitting/more flattering"
-I know people generally mean well with these types of comments but if I am in the mood to wear something form fitting I will. If I'm not I don't.
Also I generally don't really like trying to figure out how to politely tell someone that I am not into wearing their aesthetic. And while I'm being honest sometimes the community just gets set on asshole cycle and in order not to get myself banned I don't participate.
So mostly I comment when I feel like it, if I have info someone asks about I'll volunteer.
Essentially it boils down to me not feeling comfortable enough there to participate actively. I've fought the feeling in the past but, yeah it's still there and it's better for me to just not.
And I will admit that being that I really can't afford a lot of the options offered when I have asked advice I just don't.
As far as Inbetweenies goes, I'm not all that comfortable there yet either for the most part. Mainly because I don't know the dynamics since it's only recently been more active.
And really, I have my own litterbox right here to thrill the masses with my occasionally questionable fashion choices.
I bought a pair of platform mother fucking flipflops on ebay.
I am in love. The thong part hurts my toes a little but I've been assured I will get used to that. I think my discomfort is mostly psychological because I'm weird about my feet.
I must confess I have never have a professional pedicure because I can't stand having people touch my feet.
I might let Uniballer tug on my toe, or I might put my feet on him when they are cold but OMG even thinking about someone touching my feet makes me cringe. No really it does. When I went to a podiatrist I barely let him touch my toes.
In case you haven't noticed I've been on a bit of a confessional spree lately.
I feel like I want to be more authentic to how I'm actually feeling. That's something I've been working on and I want to share it with you guys because, it's fucking hard.
We all know I develop massive crushes on random people and I have to tell you that my ever growing girl crush on Mollena has reached critical mass.
Not in small part because in this picture (yeah totally NSFW). There is something that makes my little black heart swell with awesome because from that particular angle, in a moment of gravity defiance her boob looks like mine.
I have this weird fascination and love of boobies that are similar to either of mine in size or shape. I've seen Miss Hotness there pretty nekkid in pictures and her nipples are bigger than mine but that particular picture made me squee.
Also, I will tell you that stumbling on her blog (was it one of you guys that pointed me that way? Twitter? Fuck I don't remember) was a breath of fresh chocolatey air of awesome.
It's hard to describe just how happy it makes me to meet (even if only on the intertubes)other kinky black folks. It is in fact mother fucking awesome.
What's more, it's been a pretty damn long time since I've had the experience of uh, fuck how to put it. It's been a long time since I've stumbled onto the words of another woman of color that had me nodding, getting a little tingly in the ladyparts and laughing and smiling and thinking, I really need to talk to this person.
So because I am in this kind of super hippy powers activate mood, let me say all loud and in public, Mollena you are fucking awesome. And thank you for breaking up the overhwelming thin whiteness of my sex related readings. Thank you. I appreciate it and I really hope some day I get to take a class from you.
So yeah I think I'm spent.
I'm a tired lil fucker.
I need a nap and some pie.