Thursday, May 21, 2009

Secrets revealed.

Pardon if this goes all over the place I'm on day three of a migraine. Thankfully it's finally in a downturn but still.

I started a thinky post about some stuff I find to be bullshit but I'm not in the mood.

So instead I'll answer a couple of random questions I've gotten lately via my webform thingy.

Someone wanted to know why I don't post in either the Inbetweenie or Fatshionista communities on LJ.

The latter mainly because I am well aware of the uh, discomfort of some of the community with smaller fat folks and I just don't want to deal with how I feel about that in any kind of confrontational (as in confrontation with myself) way. I quite honestly hate feeling like I'm making someone uncomfortable. Granted, I'd prefer not to feel that way but it is how I feel.

Also, to tell you the truth there are some things I've been hearing about my clothes for the last twenty years that I don't want to hear ever again namely:

"You should wear more color"

-Not my thing. Yes I can appreciate and enjoy color but my personal aesthetic is not that. Granted I'm no longer the uber fancy goth of awesome I used to be but still. I'm over hearing about it and explaining it.

"I wish that was tighter/more form fitting/more flattering"

-I know people generally mean well with these types of comments but if I am in the mood to wear something form fitting I will. If I'm not I don't.

Also I generally don't really like trying to figure out how to politely tell someone that I am not into wearing their aesthetic. And while I'm being honest sometimes the community just gets set on asshole cycle and in order not to get myself banned I don't participate.

So mostly I comment when I feel like it, if I have info someone asks about I'll volunteer.

Essentially it boils down to me not feeling comfortable enough there to participate actively. I've fought the feeling in the past but, yeah it's still there and it's better for me to just not.

And I will admit that being that I really can't afford a lot of the options offered when I have asked advice I just don't.

As far as Inbetweenies goes, I'm not all that comfortable there yet either for the most part. Mainly because I don't know the dynamics since it's only recently been more active.

And really, I have my own litterbox right here to thrill the masses with my occasionally questionable fashion choices.

Speaking of.

OMG.

I bought a pair of platform mother fucking flipflops on ebay.

I am in love. The thong part hurts my toes a little but I've been assured I will get used to that. I think my discomfort is mostly psychological because I'm weird about my feet.

I must confess I have never have a professional pedicure because I can't stand having people touch my feet.

I might let Uniballer tug on my toe, or I might put my feet on him when they are cold but OMG even thinking about someone touching my feet makes me cringe. No really it does. When I went to a podiatrist I barely let him touch my toes.

In case you haven't noticed I've been on a bit of a confessional spree lately.

I feel like I want to be more authentic to how I'm actually feeling. That's something I've been working on and I want to share it with you guys because, it's fucking hard.

Moving along.

We all know I develop massive crushes on random people and I have to tell you that my ever growing girl crush on Mollena has reached critical mass.

Not in small part because in this picture (yeah totally NSFW). There is something that makes my little black heart swell with awesome because from that particular angle, in a moment of gravity defiance her boob looks like mine.

I have this weird fascination and love of boobies that are similar to either of mine in size or shape. I've seen Miss Hotness there pretty nekkid in pictures and her nipples are bigger than mine but that particular picture made me squee.

Also, I will tell you that stumbling on her blog (was it one of you guys that pointed me that way? Twitter? Fuck I don't remember) was a breath of fresh chocolatey air of awesome.

It's hard to describe just how happy it makes me to meet (even if only on the intertubes)other kinky black folks. It is in fact mother fucking awesome.

What's more, it's been a pretty damn long time since I've had the experience of uh, fuck how to put it. It's been a long time since I've stumbled onto the words of another woman of color that had me nodding, getting a little tingly in the ladyparts and laughing and smiling and thinking, I really need to talk to this person.

So because I am in this kind of super hippy powers activate mood, let me say all loud and in public, Mollena you are fucking awesome. And thank you for breaking up the overhwelming thin whiteness of my sex related readings. Thank you. I appreciate it and I really hope some day I get to take a class from you.

So yeah I think I'm spent.

I'm a tired lil fucker.

I need a nap and some pie.

Homo Out.
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6 comments:

beatfreak said...

Re: Fatshionista LJ

I feel you on that subject. I don't feel comfortable there because of a couple of things like:

1. People offering their opinion/criticism when someone didn't ask for it.

2. People going "OMG! You are pretty." all the time.

3. Shape privilege with always trying to get people to be hourglass shapes.

For me fatshion is supposed to be fun and about breaking the rules. It seems that so many people want to be another version of the other fashion communities. I for one like your fashion even if it is not what I would wear.

2. I heart Mollena too. Finding you and her makes this black chick's heart swell.

Piffle said...

I probably read ten of your posts to one of fatshionista, mostly because I'm not really into fashion. I delight, however, in sharing your delight at your finds and your fun in dazzly stuff, even if it's not my thing.

And the comments about color, they're jealousy. Being a pasty freckly redhead the flamboyant oranges, yellows and scarlets just don't look as good on me as they do on dark chocolate skin.

Twistie said...

ZOMG! I can't let anyone touch my feet, either. In my case it's due to EXTREME ticklishness.

I once had a professional massage and I told the guy not to touch my feet because I didn't want to kick him. He said he would work on other parts and when I was well-relaxed give it a try. I told him I wasn't sure it would work, but okay.

Damn good thing he was a nimble little thing, because I kicked like a racehorse, and if he hadn't scooted out of the way pronto, I would have done some serious (albeit entirely unintentional) damage to his manbits.

I get the other side of the coin on the color issue. People keep telling me I have to have more black things in my closet. I don't want more black things in my closet. I have a great pair of black jeans, and my tapestry boots have a black background...but I just don't do black. It's not my thing. It's okay on me, but not especially flattering when compared to other colors. Most of all, it doesn't make me happy to wear black.

Fashion should be fun and comfortable for the person wearing it. I know that's kind of a revolutionary attitude, but that's where I stand. Everyone should feel free to play and find what truly works for them, both in the mirror and inside their souls.

Some people find it surprisingly hard to get beyond their personal aesthetic and appreciate that someone else simply likes a different style/palate. Me? I don't have to want to wear it to know a good look when I see it on someone else. I think you look great in black and happy in your awesome cute goth goodies. Rock 'em to the rafters, babe!

Me, I'll keep doing my floaty, flowy, psychadelic hippie chick thing. We'll both be fabulous in our own individual ways.

Also, I'll bring the pie.

Lady Jaye said...

Twistie, same here about the foot tickleness. My ex used to play with the space between my toes, despite my warnings to not do that (that part in The 40-year-old Virgin where he accidentally kicks the girl in the face because she was licking his toe? That'd be me alright).

Re: Fatshionista: not my scene either. My style is a mish-mash of tomboy/geek and that's what I like. Sure, I do get girlier sometimes and all, but I'm not one to stick to one particular. Too much effort and I just don't give a shit anyways. For instance, today, I'm wearing a girly burned orange tank top with black jeans. Nothing fancy, and it's quite comfy. :)

Lady Jaye said...

*one particular style... gah!

Wanted to add that I like how I'm dressed today and I wouldn't want anyone criticizing it and saying how I'd need more accessories or what not.

MarieDenee said...

Get it girl! I found you today through a new post over at Fatshionista! The new article gave you a shout out...

I wnated to say, work it, the confidence and courage you have in your writings are amazingly fabulous... work it out and keep it up...

Although my blog is all about fashion, I try to write about the different aspects of designer fashion and explore the other options out there asides from LB and AS.
Do your thing... I most def will be back for more!

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