Friday, June 05, 2009

Friday is for Glee.

Yes I said glee.

First some shout outs.

Um Big Liberty your wedding pictures were lovely. I love your dress congratulations.

What else?

Ohhh MCCN I need your email address :)

And Lilly the Fatshionista LJ community is located here. Despite my occasional huge level of frustration it is a pretty awesome place.

Now for some glee shall we?

I want to talk about joy for a minute.

During the hardest and worst parts of my life I learned what I consider to be one of my top 4 life altering skills. I learned to take joy in the tiny things.

There have been times in my life when things didn't just suck everything sucked. One time I recall all too vividly I was house sitting for someone with a megaton of cats in a house that had a broken water heater so I had about a half gallon of hot water a day, I had an epic flu and was taking care of myself (and despite this epic flu I could still smell ammonia and cat wee), I got fleas, it was Christmas/New Years, I got fleas and then I lost my job the day after Christmas.

All that was happening and I wound up losing my place to live which hurt the most because I was playing a big part in raising my friends two children and I hadn't thought about what would happen when I couldn't afford to live with them anymore.

To say I was completely heartbroken would be the understatement of my 20's. Everything went to complete shit.

During my job hunt (which included probably one of the worst/creepiest non-sex work interviews I've ever had..more on that later) I took up the habit of after an interview spending some time by myself without thinking about the burdens of what was going on. One of these days I for some reason had five dollars, and when you're a hair away from homelessness and poverty five dollars is a big deal.

So I took my five dollars and wandered into a used bookstore. I picked up a book for a dollar and then used my remaining four dollars to buy a cup of coffee. I remember sitting in the coffeeshop reading my book and looking out at the rain and very suddenly having that feeling, there was a moment of joy and goodness amongst all the shit.

I carry that lesson with me every day.

No matter how bad the day is going, or what fucked up thing is going on I find something to find joy in.

Maybe my hair is feeling extra special soft, my coffee is super delicious, my bus ride isn't full of shrieking crazy people, maybe I made someone smile.

Other times, I turn to the internets. I watch videos of babies laughing, animals doing cute things. Whatever.

The important thing is that there is joy even in the little things and it's important nigh on sacred to me to make sure I remember that.

And because of this lesson I learned hard I decided that the next tattoo I get when I can afford it is the following phrase in Latin:

Lux et Veritas. -ETA fuck I spelled that wrong. I am awesome.

Light and Truth because it is imperative and sacred that I remember to honor both and to remind myself that yes, my truth is important too.

I'm thinking I want it inside my left forearm so I can read it when I need it.

So that's all. It's Friday and I am really hoping to finish writing an essay I started today.

So bring me yer links and yer joys. I will probably do some Fatshions advice this weekend and sexytimes advice on Monday. And as always feel free to ask me anything guys. Totally anything.

So peace out my homies. Have a beautiful and joy filled weekend.

Homo Out.

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7 comments:

MigiziNse-ikwe said...

Lux et Vertitas.

Light and Truth because it is imperative and sacred that I remember to honor both and to remind myself that yes, my truth is important too.


THIS. Thank you for this. I needed it right at this moment and there it was.

Piffle said...

For me it helps to close my eyes, shake my head, and look at the horizon or sky or distant point. It reframes my psyche to take in the bigger picture and slow down a bit. The closer my literal vision, the tenser I get I find.

Also moving water, I remember as a teen sitting just quietly by a river in some ferns. I'd been all freaked out and sad because of typical teen stuff, and just watching how the water moved and the sunlight moved on it helped.

Now I also like to pull weeds, but that hasn't always been an option.

Eema-le said...

Thank you for this post. Seriously. It was just what I needed to hear.

Twistie said...

Oh there's a lot of joy right now:

I got praise about my job today;

I've been able to help a good friend twice this week with things slightly outside my comfort zone. It feels good to stretch myself for someone so special.;

My cat is being particularly affectionate of late, and doing silly things that make me laugh;

Mr. Twistie took the afternoon off of work and we went - among other places - to a second-hand bookstore where I found some awesome books for cheap.

That's just the tip of the iceberg, which is beyond awesome.

It's true that tiny good things can make a huge difference in life.

Here's hoping you find many good things in the corners of life.

bigliberty said...

Thanks so much! That dress was an amazing find, and we had such a great morning. :)

As for the rest of your post, on finding that bit of joy amidst hell --- when I was in an abusive relationship with this paranoid effwad I'll call O, I would stay at his teeny, filthy apartment in the South End of Boston. I remember it had been yet another chaotic night --- he was trying to convince me that black CIA helicopters were after him, and that the light fixture was bugged --- and I looked out the window and saw the clouds. They were those orange city-clouds, which you could only see at night. I remember getting this jolt of pure joy --- those clouds were so beautiful --- and I was pulled out of my situation, just for a moment.

mccn said...

Can you get my email address from my comment? Or does it have to be typed out, naked in the wind, for all to see? Let me know! :)

Also, thank you for the bookstore lesson. I have had some of those too. That is why, even on some of the really bad days, I get a little tingly feeling deep in my toes, like something special just might be about to happen.

Mary said...

Hmm, not sure you can - try sending me an email at marycsquared at hotmail dot com.

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