Saturday, August 15, 2009

Full of projects.

Oh my darlings.

I've been toiling trying to put together some new pages here at NudiemuseHQ.

Ultimately I'd like to make a page with adultsexytimes links, blogs, fatty fashions, make up etc but holy balls you guys, my coding skills are not win lately.

Some of those will be yes affiliate links but I will totally warn you first.

So there's that.

I'm also working on some personal stuff.

I've got some issues I'm still (always?) working on in regards to body image and I kinda wanna take y'all on the road with me for this but at the same time I'm a wee bit nervous. I'm thinking about doing some more self portraits (I've been practicing y'all) but I want some more that have more to say.

I'm also kind of at a loss as to what to do with them.

I'm thinking maybe a tumblr? It seems like that would go well with what I am envisioning.

I want to be more courageous in not just making the photographic appearance when I'm feeling hot and sassy. I hate that and I hate that I've been doing it.

I really do hate the pretension that one must always be fly in pictures/on teh internets.

Fuck that.

this is one of those things that is really difficult for me to fight with myself about.

I know what I want to do, I know how I want to be but the getting there is fucking stressful and hard. Fuck it's hard.

Not to mention I hate being inauthentic to myself.

If I look at myself or something I'm saying or doing feels fake I get really upset.

In honor of that let's talk about a couple of things that are absolutely the truth.

1.) I am not always fly or awesome. Sometimes I can be a complete asshole. Sometimes, I am not awesome at all. Sometimes I'm mean. And that's okay.

2.) Sometimes I am highly doubtful that I have found a place for myself in the world. Also I am sometimes really afraid that despite my efforts, that I am doing everything all wrong.

3.) I am fucked up. I have issues. And that's okay.

4.) The biggy? I'm human.

Shocking isn't it?

I am terribly, awesomely human and in that lay every one of my foibles and whatnot.

I'm so human that sometimes I really get down on myself. Sometimes I'm a total fucker to myself. Sometimes I'm a total fucker to other people. And you know what? I could dwell but I won't, it happens.

One of the hardest lessons that I am continually learning is to not get so upset that I am in fact human and I'm gonna fuck up a lot. It's what humans do.

Okay my darlings. Back to work.

Tomorrow moar sexytimes advice.

Both a how to get more turned on question and more blowjob questions.

And Sinner, you deliciousness are welcome to come back and offer man advice anytime. :)

Now I'm off to contemplate the aforementioned photo project and get more serious about it. ANd maybe I might yanno start on that coding that is staring at me.

Homo Out.


Mollena Williams said...

You've stumbled on one of the most terrible and seductve truths about humanity, I feel.

The more unique, broken, weird and disastrous, bent and alone you feel, the closer you are to others.

Much love....


Anonymous said...

i love you!

Kristie said...

I hear you on the pictures. I have to give myself a good talking to when it comes time to put up vacation snapshots of myself online. No one taking pictures of me takes the time to pick the most flattering angle and lighting, the bastards. And when I see them for the first time, invariably I suck in my breath and 37 years of negative self-talk comes rushing through my head like a flood. But I make myself do it because that's what I look like sometimes, just like sometimes I look totally smokin' because everything's just right and my photographer loves me. And you know, after I look at those pix a few times, I realize, "Hey, I am NOT actually hideous. I'm just a regular person." So in that way, they are salubrious, if I give it a minute to normalize instead of seeing it through the lens of self-contempt we're all taught.

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