First beforecontent while I am limping along with my Nanoword count (speaking of, Team Awesome -yes I unofficially call all of my Nano buddies Team Awesome- how are y'all doin?) Rachel I have no idea with Torrid feel free to email me at email@example.com that address. :)
Just a few things then back to this monster I'm calling a novella.
First of all Trolls I'm talking to you.
If all you want to do is call me a fatass skip it. It's a waste of your bandwidth and my time clearing the shit out of my inbox.
Remember folks, calling someone "names" when they are pretty constantly saying the same fucking thing is boring and you're not even trying. Save your wrath for someone who's feelings you're actually going to hurt if that's your aim.
Second thing on my list (no really I made a little list so I wouldn't forget anything) I have some sexytimes advice to give and put a question out to some of my penis having/loving homies. So answers soon.
Thirdly, the weight I thought I gained was in fact a bit of bloating. I don't know how often I've mentioned it but I have some digestive issues and now that those have calmed down to a dull roar my pants fit better except of course for the ones that are too big.
Speaking of pants.
I went to Target on Sunday to see if I could find any that I liked. I did but, I am a smidge too fat for the juniors size 15 and the rise on the ones I liked was a little too low and I'm too small for the plus size pants (what few I found) and I had a little bit of a fit. And admittedly I fully had that "well if I was a little thinner" moment. It was a rough one folks.
The fact is that I keep seeing TONS of things that fit with my aesthetic go on sale hither and yon that would fit if I was about a size smaller. I had to really take a moment to work it out in my head. My body is at it's natural set point give or take ten pounds. Now I did spend some time working out what it would take for me (not anyone else, just me) to lose and maintain enough weight to lose an overall dress/pants size.
Currently I would say that my level of fitness is medium. Pretty good for me personally. I can dart up the stairs (knees willing) without huffing and puffing, I can make my walk to my bus stop which is a little under quarter of a mile at a good pace. Physically I'm doing pretty well if I do say so myself.
Now, in order for me to lose enough weight to actually make an entire dress size I would have to sustain (not just for a little while but as long as I wanted to maintain that weight) myself on a starvation level diet coupled with a hell of a lot of exercise and neither of those would be very good for me.
Mainly because I do not beleive that it would behoove my current and future health to do damage to my body with levels of activity it can't handle. This has nothing to do with my current weight but with the same health problems I've had for most of my life fat or not. I don't believe that it would be healthy for me in the long run to spend my time in pain, having a hard time walking just so I can buy more pants.
And the food.
Yeah I don't want to spend my time (and I've done it before) being faint or having my blood sugar drop precipitously. I don't want to be ragy all the time because I'm fucking hungry. I just don't.
And I really had to take a few minutes on Sunday to remind myself of these things in a concrete fashion.
I thought long and hard about this and saving a few bucks on pants when I need them isn't worth the stress or detriment to my health both current and future. It really just isn't.
Am I still a little peeved about it? Fuck yes I am. Fuck yeah I'd like to go round to whatever random sale I find and know I'll most likely be able to buy some pants but, I'm not so annoyed that I want to hurt myself to make it happen.
I did however get myself a replacement for my favorite knit skirt (that Old Navy fold over waist one) for 4$.
But then boo again, I could not find a bra I liked that came in a 40DD. Lots of 38's but not 40.
So I will probably reorder the bra I love from Torrid at some point.
In other news it is SO funny to me how much that ass seam in the We love Colors tights bugged me. I am super persnickety and neurotic about random things like that. I think if it was an up and down the buttcrack type seam I wouldn't have such an issue, it's the u shape.
I was thinking about it and really whenever I can feel seams (whether or not said seams are weird ass seams or are actually large or not) I don't like it. I have SUCH a thing about that.
One last wee thing I was wondering if any of you folks know what I'm talking about here.
Sometimes at the little import market Uniballer and I go to there are these enormous slightly super ugly pears that they get in. The sign is in Korean so I can't read it and I CANNOT find what they are called. They are usually more brownish than green, the texture is very juicy and they aren't rock hard like the pears I usually get. And they are huge, like the palm of my hand huge. They aren't the crisper Japanese pears and they almost look like Bosc pears but on roids and greener.
Am I hallucinating these pears? Are they not pears at all?
Does anyone know what the fuck I'm yammering about?
Okay now I am off to eat a little food and do some writing.
I love you guys.
PS I'm going to try some new tags to try and make sure this doesn't post on the Fatosphere feed twice.