I'm taking a little Nanowrimo break because I have some shit on my mind. I was going to do a tights review but I'm not in the mood.
I'm having some Inbetweenie angst right now courtesy of a very slight bit of weight gain.
I don't know how much because I don't weigh myself I keep tabs on what my body is doing fat wise by how my clothes fit. And right now I'm having pants problems.
I gained a little bit of weight and the two pairs of pants I have that fit well don't fit so well right now. But it's not enough weight that I can easily go a size up.
So I am freaking out because despite my earlier declaration of a wardrobe without pants, I'm too much of a big fucking wimp to brave the uber windy rainy Seattle fall weather without said pants.
I also don't have a lot of money as most of you know. Matter of fact right now I have no extra money that is not designated for bills or food.
So my weight fluctating really tends to freak me out. I'm talking weight changes in either direction. It freaks me out because I cannot (ever) just go out and pick up a new pair of pants or whatever willy nilly.
As things stand right now after bills next week, I will have just about enough to pick up a pair of pants from one of teh local thrift stores. What this doesn't mean is a pair of pants I like but a pair of pants I need.
And I have to tell you guys I get so angry and upset.
It feels really dumb and I'm embarrassed to admit it but this is when I hate being poor. I hate being poor because I more often than not wind up with clothing that I absolutely need rather than what I absolutely love.
I fucking resent having to spend what little bit of dinero I have for clothing on shit that says nothing about my style or entirely displeases my sense of aesthetics.
It upsets me because I really LOVE thrifting but, I tend to have to buy this thing rather than buying this other thing and I hate it.
There I said it.
I'm sitting here blushing and I am really embarrassed.
But there it is.
I had intended on saving my clothes monies for one very specific pair of pants from Torrid (these in case you're wondering) expensive but I have been waiting (and writing Torrid at least once every two months) for some plain black twill boot cut pants.
I'm going to rebudget.
This type of situation is also why I'm so keen on figuring out some kind of side hustle so when these things come up I don't panic.
Regarding the weight Uniballer figures that it's not actual permenant weight. My appetite has only recently gotten back to normal after all that epic sickness/super insomnia so my body is readjusting.
Fuck guys, I really hate this feeling. I know that I will get through it and I will at some point get some goddamn ass covers but it's that panic, that moment when I am thinking OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK and my brain kind of grinds to a halt.
Back to the inbetweenie thing.
I will tell you right now, I really don't like this particular size of my ass. My life would be entirely simpler if when I gained 5-10 pounds I went up an actual pants size.
Whenever I gain or lose weight it tends to come off or come on all over in a rather evenish fashion. I say evenish because anything under say a size 10 my thighs/boobs and shoulders are out of proportion with the rest of my body, but over all my body gets a little rounder in general.
The reason this bugs me is because when I do have small amounts of weight gain or loss like recently, nothing fits properly. Not my pants, not my bras, nothing fitted fits right. But unless I lose or gain a whole lot of weight (over 20 pounds one way or the other) my actual clothing sizes don't change a whole lot.
So this means that I gain a little weight and my usually perfect pants are too tight enough that I don't want to wear them. But (like the pants I'm wearing right now) the size up pants are still too big.
A photo to show you.
It's not super quality but my pants are safety pinned pulled in about two and a half inches so they don't fall right off of my ass.
That bit near my fingers is the giant safety pin.
These are a torrid size 14. My usual size is yes a 12 as we've discussed previously.
So I am feeling crabby and angry.
*Note to self take a deep fucking breath.*
I feel a little better.
I will have new pants soon, I just have to make do for another week with what I've got.
Back to Nanowrimo. I'm a little over 11K in. Way behind but yeah.
Also I have some hand sewn stuff to show you guys at some point. And my first attempts at crocheted accessories including a cuff bracelet and necklace thingymaboober.
Also watch out for some new sexy times advice about guess what?
Penis that's what.
Also the epic tights review coming soon.
I love you guys.
Tell me what's new and fabulous.