Monday, November 23, 2009

Where we discuss...Penis.

Now before I start doling out advice about the penis let's get a few things straight so we're on the same page.

I think dicks are awesome. I know there are a few penis having folks reading and your penis, yes yours is awesome. However, if you have a penis please don't to the helicopter because a.) it looks like it hurts and b.) can make me laugh until I pee myself.

And nobody wants me peeing.

Now let's embark on a discussion about penis and large peen in particular.

Here are the questions of the day from one of our dear vigin homies:



1. He's really well endowed. The first time I saw his penis, I was so scared. If I get to know him better, oral might not compensate for what I (or we) feel anymore and maybe we might "go all the way" but I am so terrified of the pain and the thought that I might get hurt...what should I do?

2.) Any tips for oral on such a gentleman? Plus, is it OK to swallow? I'm really scared I might throw up or something!


First let me take your second question.

You can swallow or not swallow as you please baby. Man come can taste weird. Some doesn't taste good, others might taste fine. What your dude is eating plays a big role in how it tastes.

I would encourage you to if you're not ready to swallow yet let him have his orgasm elsewhere. Where ever. On your boobs, in your hands, on your lips. It's all sexy and fun and you don't have to worry about jumping up to spit if you feel the need to.

Now for your first question.

I took it to Twitter.

Here is the consensus of ideas:


Using hands in conjunction with the mouth can save on achy jaws & fatigue.Also, pull back frequently, to flex the jaw muscles.


That is oral advice now let's get to the penetration.

You need some supplies.

Condoms (of course) and just as important you need lube. You don't need fancy lube if you don't want it. Feel free to head to the drug store and get some plain old lube of whatever flavor you find appealing.

The liquidy KY, the gel kind. I'd avoid the warming stuff. I personally take issue with things near my crotch that say warming. I just don't want it. Have your lube on hand and apply it liberally after he's got his condom on.

One of my personal favorite methods is to lube up the tip of him penis, then get a little inside of yourself, relax and hold on. And there's no such thing as too much lube.

Now for the fun part you have homework.

You need some penetration practice. Now I'm talking your fingers, his fingers toys whatever. Get yourself ready by checking out your pussy. The important things of note (at least on my list of vagina notes) if you are laying on your back say, what angle is comfortable?

What I mean by that is if you put your fingers or toy straight into your vagina does it feel good? Does it feel better if you go in at a slight angle? So yes my darling, I am instructing you to masturbate alone or with your partner. A lot.

Next thing, take it slow. I am encouraging you to take your big peen having partner by (literally) the peen and take charge of how quickly things are going. One of the easiest ways to do this is by getting on top.

From a top position you can hold his penis in your hand and control how quickly he gets inside you.

Or if you'd rather get vocal. Tell him when to slow it down, or hold up and give you a minute.

I know you're nervous so let's practice a couple of other things.

When you do decide it's time, remember to breathe. Also if you have been penetrated before (as in used tampons, masturbated etc) you probably don't have a hymen anymore. You may still bleed a little the first few times but most likely the pain won't be super bad. Now I can't promise it won't hurt because it might but know that after a time it won't hurt quite so much.

As for getting hurt. You will probably be sore afterwards. Your abs might get sore, your back might get sore if you two are going at it like some hotass pretzels.

The key to managing how sore you are later is take it slow, tell him if he's moving too fast or if something hurts. Don't be afraid to pipe up.

And if you're still not ready for penetrative sex there are all sorts of other sexy things you can do together that are pretty awesome.

I've already mentioned masturbation.

Masturbate in front of each other, show him what pleases you. Give him an up close and personal lesson. Tell him to sit out of arms reach and watch. It's fun. Or take his hands and pleasure yourself with them. Also super hot, lots of fun AND bonus it's educational.

Now I'd like to talk to not just your dude but to my other homies who have bigger peenors.

Yes you.

Let me tell you a few things that your lovers (current, potential etc) might want you to know.

Do not take your moves from porn. Please. Unless we ask for it rough, don't go in all crazy because that can hurt in a not fun way.

Do not be insulted if we want lube. As a big peen having sort lube is your friend, don't be afraid to lube yourself up before going in.

Spit is not lube.

Let me say that again, spit is not lube. No matter what the porn tells you it's not. And frankly that's kinda gross.

Use condoms that fit you. Use magnums or use the looser styles but use condoms that fit. Ill fitting condoms don't work as well as ones that fit properly. Along that same theme, make sure you know how to put it on right. Show your partner. If there's sexing going on, there are rubbers going on. Do it because you love your penis and you think your partner is awesome.

Also, be mindful of the size of your penis. Realize that you can hurt your partner and unless they ask you to, that is not awesome.

Lastly my big penis bearing friend, your cock is fucking awesome. Yes it is. Treat it as such and you and your penis will have a happy relationship.

Now my homies the floor is yours.

Do you have a big penis? Give our thus far virginal friend some advice.

Do you enjoy the big penis? Same goes for you offer up some advice for our homie.

Remember my friends sexytimes does not have to be serious business and I encourage you all to talk amongst yourselves about it. And the best knowledge is communal knowledge.

I'm in the home stretch of nanowrimo and my word count isn't quite as awesome as I'd like but the story is pretty fucking kick ass.

African Diaspora vampire tale.

Now my darlings you may or may not hear from me for the rest of the week.

I will close by saying GO TEAM FATASS! GO GO GO WRITE WRITE WRITE!!

And Happy Turkey day my American homies.

And I love all of you.

Homo out.
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4 comments:

Ms. Heathen said...

I personally hate KY and prefer Astroglide. KY has this tendency to get gummy (yuck!), while Astroglide stays slick the whole way through. It smells awful though, like fake wild cherry flavored rain coats. You can get an affordable lube sampler pack from some of the more respectable online toy retailers like Goodvibes and Babeland to see if there's anything else you like.

I'm told that men are mostly sensitive around the head and first inch of their penis, so they're not all that stimulated by deep throating.

There are a couple of tantric positions that don't involve thrusting which might be comfortable to try, but I'll be damned if I can remember them or how to describe them. (The guy who tried to teach me didn't stick around long.) Sometimes it can be fun to hold a guy inside you and practice your Kegel exercises.

And that's definitely more information than most people want about my sex life, so I'm gonna shut up now. Have fun, be safe, and remember it's ok to laugh in bed as long as you let your partner in on the joke.

CTJen said...

OMG. I much prefer the more average size peen myself, but your advice is perfect for *everyone*. "Lube is your friend" has got to be the best phrase in the history of sex. Well, after "spit is not lube" that is. And I'm with heathen up there, Astroglide is much better than KY.

Now, if you will excuse me, I am so far behind on my NaNo it is not even funny and I am off to work "spit is not lube" into my story. GO TEAM FATASS!

kb said...

this is all pretty great advice. it's kinda hinted at, but what I'd make much more explicit particularly on the oral is-you move, not him. with oral with my guy(well endowed) I still move my mouth after years; he never "fucks my face" or whatever you want to say. It helps a lot.
some positions are also better than others-you on top is the best I can think of to control. the whole legs over his shoulders-don't try it til you're good and loose, and good and lubed up. This is the main one where I've found pain.
okay, I'll stop oversharing.
I also love the "spit is not lube" oh so much. more guys need to see that-or as a warning note on every porn where they do that.

A.fro said...

I had to delurk to say I want to read your nanowrimo novel SO MUCH. I read a snippet of your fiction awhile back and really liked it, and and and can I just say African Diaspora vamps?? AWESOME. Also really, really hard to find in your typical bookstore. I'm not super-familiar with nanowrimo, but are you are going to make it available at some point (and yes, I will totally pay to read it), or perhaps post a link?

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