Monday, December 28, 2009

Dappled in glitter.

So my homies I have been thinking.

Traditionally the closing years brings about much navel gazing on my part.

So there are to be changes in the new year.

Holy shit right?

More outfit pictures and regular fat girl thrifting reports.

I am also not going to balk at myself so much when I'm feeling vulnerable.

More announcement type things later let's get on with some advice for my homies.

CG and a homie we'll call BH (Big Homie) asked essentially almost the exact same question except BH is a dude who likes ladies.

My Text Area 1: Ok, first off, I heart you <----this much----->. :) You are so awesome in every way.
Ok, I know that this is a silly question, but I am very isolated, so I do not have a lot of outside feedback, and what I do have is pretty disheartening. Also, you seem way more knowledgeable o' sage of the tingly bits. haha
Sorry for the preamble. I am a straight woman. I am considered extremely ugly by people, I do not agree with them. I am very very fat. I am not feminine at all. I do not aim for attractive, sexy, or alluring looks in any way. I am just not drawn to those looks. I am also very loud. Basically, I fail in every area of "shoulds" for women. I think that I am awesome. I have a lot of very good qualities. I love me and am comfortable with myself in every way, but my characteristics seem to make relationships impossible. Of course, I have seen women with a couple of these characteristics in relationships. There is no shortage of fucking in the world, but whenever I see a woman with all of these characteristics, it seems that they are single forever.
My question is have you seen a woman, or women, with ALL of these characteristics in relationships with people who are attracted to them?
Thank you,

CG you and BH said a lot of the same things and my immediate short answer is why yes I have.

The thing about relationships and attractiveness is that the acquisition of the former is not necessarily a matter of the latter.

And you know I'm not going to blow smoke up your ass about it.

Ugly is when it comes to personal preferences and who a person is attracted to highly subjective.

I firmly believe that (societal ideals aside) no matter what you look like someone is going to dig it.

I say that for several reasons.

I've seen lots of people partner up when they were not what mainstream society would say is attractive, some of them were total pricks, others awesome people with "flaws". You name it.

Also CG the other women you're thinking of who have some of the same qualities you do but as you think not all, you know behind closed doors they might be a hot mess.

This is what I've discovered about other people darling CG and you too BH.

When you see/meet them they might look like they are pretty awesome but, fact is that they might be not as awesome behind closed doors.

So I say believe that there is someone out there who is going to take one look at you, or talk to you one time and then look at you like you are Mother Fucking Christmas.

Is this easy?


However you CG and you too BH have some awesome things going for you both.

You both know you are pretty fucking awesome. That is a huge start.

Next thing if you're ready to not be single or at least date more widen your search. I personally was not a huge fan of dating when I was single and didn't do a lot of it. If I'd had the internet you'd be damn skippy I'd have been doing a lot of OKCupid etc dating.

One of the things I've learned about relationships is that the things that you think would make them impossible for you (in my case my occasionally insane needs for absolute silence and solitude along with a host of other idiosyncrasies and crazy) turn out often to be the stuff that makes people love you and want you.

Weird but in my life I've found it to be true.

Truthfully I'm no expert in finding relationships. All of the good ones I've ever had (including the one I'm in with Uniballer right now)happened by accident and when I wasn't looking.

So the bulk of my advice is this.


I really doubt that there is any combination of things about you CG or you BH (or any of my other homies) that is so awful that nobody is going to love you.

I also think that there's a chance that your biggest obstacle to finding that somebody to love on and snog might be yourself. Despite telling yourself that you are in fact mother fucking awesome, having that side track of well I'm really really fat and loud and weird so nobody is going to want me, that is not helping your cause.

For some people finding that other person seems to happen quickly and easily for others not so much and that's okay. No really it is.

I also think fuck rules and if you're ready go out and get yours. Be the awesome person you are and you will find the awesome person you want.

Now my homies the floor is yours. Do you have advice for BH (dude)and CG (lady)?

Tomorrow um..I'm not sure. We'll see what comes out of my brain.

Although I am doing an official essay store relaunch after New Years with some more essays and stuff.

And please PLEASE if you buy something make sure you go back to merchant to download your essay. I put that on the pages but a few people have missed it and it takes me awhile to get to check my email sometimes.

Now I'm off to eat a wee bit more chocolate and plot having to get up early because of public transport fuckery.

Homo Out.a


Trabbs said...

Man, I just love big people -- people with big, solid bodies and big, loud voices and big, strong opinions. And traditional "good looks" have always seemed tepid to me.

If you want a suggestion, I guess mine would be to try internet dating, which has worked for many people I know. I personally just lucked out at a party, but my sister, my boss, my son's best friend's parents all met someone online. It seems like a great way to discover people's personalities.

Once there, you might want to describe yourself in a way that emphasizes the awesomeness of your qualities to people who like those qualities. So rather than saying you're "ugly" or "not feminine", you could describe yourself as having "little button eyes, a great, big honking nose, all the flesh you can handle and a laugh that shakes the trees."

People who don't agree with society's norms are definitely out there. I read so many of them on blogs. All the best finding someone you deserve.

C.G. said...

Wow, sorry this took so long. I just wanted to say thank you for the advice. It has really given me hope.
Thank you so much.

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