Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Hustlin' Hustlin'

Sexy advice tomorrow because I have two awesome questions that are along the same theme and I need to do some research before answering the second.

Lately I've had a burning desire to make more things.

More things.

I want to make gothy b affordable accessories. Hair toys and things that aren't amazingly overpriced.

I want to make some fattie friendly stuff.

I want to make stuff that's cheap but not so cheap that the shit falls apart after you wear it once. I don't want to make cheap shit that pulls hair.

Generally speaking the big hold up at this point involves several things. A.) Financially it's a rough summer. Just because of how paychecks happen to fall there's not a lot extra after rent and bills to buy supplies. This will ease up coming into fall. B.) I am afraid. What am I afraid of I'm not sure. Not necessarily of failing but there's some unnamed fear there. I'm working it out. C.)This is the huge one, time.

In the meantime I've been toying with Cafepress but I don't really like what I'm doin there. It seems a bit over priced to me which is not awesome.

The one thing I'm into is the stickers. I love stickers and I made this one. I like nerdy things and stickers are among them. I've got some body positive ones in the works but I am no graphic artist and it's hard.

All that said I have some actual content today.

We need to talk about Beth Ditto.

I was not all into the Gossip the first time I heard them or laid eyes on her.

That was until I started seeing pictures of Ms Ditto doing crazy things, being *OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO* in her drawers on stage etc.

She won me over.

The fact is, I love people who are working what they've got.

I love her because she is not fly all the time and she seems (granted I don't know her personally but in general she seems fine with that fact.

Unlike a lot of young celebrities instead of coming out apologizing for being nutty or fat or showing her panty clad fat ass, she just kept on doing it.

I love that.

I also love the fact that she wears whatever the fuck she wants to.

This is how I want to spend the remainder of my life.

Wearing whatever the fuck crazy shit I wanna and ROCKING IT.

Say it with me..ROCKING IT.

Now when I say that, don't take that to mean I necessarily will look good to you or your uncle. If it looks good to me and I stop for a minute and think OH FUCK YES. That means ROCKING IT has been achieved.

For instance todays outfit (I will have Uniballer take pics when I get home) is an odd one.

I have this bright red vintage sun dress I got at Goodwill YONKS ago. I bought it for the color and the lettuce hem. However the booby area is way too small, like when I tried it on my boobs almost exploded it too small. So I cut off the top part where there was binding and now I wear it as a kick ass over skirt of varying lengths.

Sometimes I wear it with a full length black broomstick skirt underneath, sometimes as a shorter skirt over a mid length vintage slip. Today I am wearing it long on it's own which was a last minute thing because the power went out in my neighborhood as I was getting ready for work and I couldn't find any lotion, okay digression here but how is it I have eleventymillion kinds of skin moisturizing things but couldn't find fucking 1?, back on topic, so no lotion and my legs were ashy so I rolled down the top and it's now full length.

The sole reason I love this skirt is the bright tomato-y red it is. The fabric is that weird mid/late 70's poly with a bit o stretch. And it wrinkles like a mother fucker but I still love it.

This my homies is ROCKING IT.

Fly your freak flag proudly.

And OMG YAY Integgy I love love LOVE that you are a Detrivore fan now. This is awesome.

So tomorrow sexytimes advice for two fine folks. Also Thursday some fat fathions re my Moratorium on pants that is semi lifted and I will show you guys what is inspiring me for fall right now.

Um.

Okay I think that's it.

Homo Out.
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Monday, June 29, 2009

And one more time.

Sexytimes advice this week swearsies my friends.

Posting is indeed light, I'm doing some weird brain thing right now where my thoughts are a little too far into other writing and whatnot. I'm working on balancing things out.

In other news over the weekend while I wasn't really near my computer much I got some amusing troll messages.

One message alerted me to the fact that the audacity of having a paypal button I am in effect begging and stealing from people. Clearly this person knows from their learnings that I make vast amounts of money blogging and it's a terrible thing.

Uh huh.

For the record as far as "profit" goes I have probably made less than ten dollars with this blog during any of my sporadic internets big pimping money making attempts in seven years. What a silly thing to do. Why would a person spend a good twenty or thirty minutes reading, then go to the form just to say that?

Really?

How silly.

The other gem (why is there such a dearth of intelligent or reasonable trolls?) was sparked by an old entry that I can't find now where I explained the flaw in the reasoning that fat has nothing to do with genetics etc. I believe it was sparked by the assertion by some jackass that I was "blaming my fat" on genetics solely.

The ever so concerned troll apparently does not understand the correlation between many things about a persons physical body and genetic traits.

Oh no wait here's the entry click here to play along.

Now I have yet to find anyone who would disagree that things like eye color, hair color and texture, hell even the timbre of a voice can be somehow linked to genetic traits.

How is it at all reasonable to exclude body shape and size from that equation?

Why is it that almost everytime I see this issue in a fat hat/fear/etc argument any common sense someone might have had goes right out the fucking window?

Similarly, in FA circles I have never ever seen the cries of OMG everyone should be faaaaaaaaaaaaaat as many anti FA/fat/whatever folks seem to claim all the time.

Nor have I seen people (for the most part though I'm sure at some point it happens) hating on not fat people.

Disliking the cultural imperative that deems everyone must look fit (as in be thin) is not hating thin people.

For fuck sake man, how hard is it?

I suppose a big part of my frustration when it comes to talking about bodies and weight with a lot of people is the assumption that humanity is a physiological monolith and everyone must have the same values and opinions about health. Not to mention the ideas that what is awesome and fantastic for you must be fantastic and awesome for everyone.

The whole issue of health as a moral imperative is a whole other fucking thing.

I just don't understand that whole mindset.

I hope I never will understand it to tell you the truth.

I have decided I'm not devoting any more time or energy to trying to figure these things out. That in and of itself is a difficult thing for me because it's my nature to want to figure out why but, I'm going to work on that.

In other news.

Somehow I won a subscription to some supposed health magazine but predictably being that it is geared toward women almost every article is about some new fabulous way of losing weight, looking younger or other things I'm not much interested in.

However what is interesting is that despite the handfull of "miracle" diets they pimp monthly there is rarely a word about any kind of cautions.

I also find it amusing that their idea of healthy and affordable equals (at least in my neck of the woods) about 15$ a meal. Which is a lot for my household, not even factoring in the fact that I would have to leave my neighborhood all together and go traveling on the bus to find a good many of hte things that are "must haves".

I tend to take a lot of those eat this instead of this things with a huge grain of salt.

If you've paid attention over the last twenty years or so, like clockwork entire food groups and types of food are demonized for awhile then someone comes out and says something like, oh wait it's not that bad.

Milk, eggs, various kinds of meat, corn, etc.

The one thing this month that caught my attention was the promise that if you did any of several things you'd lose weight without even trying so said the hype.

The first was walking. I have been walking anywhere between 2-6 miles a day for the last four years and have not lost any great amount of weight.

I haven't been a regular soda or other sugary evil drink drinker in probably ten years and yeah not lost a great amount of weight.

I find these kinds of things terribly misleading. And potentially harmful to people who have special dietary needs, sensitive stomachs, bad knees or backs. I really don't like it and am going to spend some time with the magazines I've gotten and write those folks a good long letter.

I think that's about it my darlings. How about you show me some links and pictures. Show me what's new and fabulous in your lives.

Pets, boobs, boy ass, shoes, purses whatever.

MCCN did hotmail eat my email again? I think it hates me I might try sending from my back up email address.

And sexytimes advice soon.

OH wait, wait. I've been doing some serious writing work and I've dipped my toe into trying some magical realism. If you'd like to read an unedited raw story I did last week feel free to download it here.

Now you all will excuse me I'm having some back spasms and am going to stretch a little and try not to throw myself down the stairs.

Homo Out.

Ah crap note to self reinstall grease monkey mmkay.

PS..I'm trying to get a functional mobile version of my feed going as well as some other neat stuff. Stay tuned.
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Tuesday, June 23, 2009

NO U!

I know posting has been light. Mainly because I've been in other writing overdrive.

I've also been very in my head in a thinky sort of manner.

I realized something recently as I had to slow my pace walking up a bit of an incline due to pain in my knee areas that I have unconsciously been pushing my limits in ways that are not good for me.

I have a problem with this.

I have had this similar kind of problem since I was a teenager.

It's a huge challenge for me to separate what is healthy and normal and what could be pathological and potentially dangerous when it comes to exercise.

I forget how to listen carefully to my body and pay attention when it says bitch stop.

There is a disconnect going on and it takes a lot of work and energy on my part to mend it before I fuck myself up.

I have to continually remind myself in stern terms not to be such a fucking dick to myself. Not to blame myself when my knees are hurting or my back hurts. I have to remind myself that while I may be mighty I am not unbreakable and breaking myself is just a shitty thing to do.

Also (I will probably talk more about this in particular at some later date) spiritually it is not at all awesome for me to be treating myself like a punching bag metaphorically speaking. Not at all.

It is of utmost importance to treat my body like the sacred thing it is. It is a temporary home but goddamn it I need to make sure my roof ain't leaking? You know?

To that end. I am going to take a few minutes when I get home and have a nice chat with myself. Possibly if I'm not in too much pain spend some time dancing.

In other news.

I have some awesome sexytimes advice for a special homie.

I am also working on what may potentially be a small anthology of my own brain spew to put out on Lulu.

Um.

Also, I am seriously trying to work up the courage to go get my first professional pedicure. I have a serious thing with people, especially strangers touching my feet. But I would like my toenails to look cute since I have some cute sandals and am not great at doing my own toes.

I seriously curled my toes in my shoes thinking about it. I am freaked out.

Ummmmm...anything else?

Okay yeah my head is not in the game my friends. I've got writing to do and whatnot.

So remember, I love you my homies. Be nice to yourselves even when you know you're being a douche.

Homo Out.


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Thursday, June 18, 2009

Twitter lessons.

So I dig Twitter. Find me here and warning if you think I'm random here 140 characters seems to unleash the random beast.

For whatever reason I have a shit ton of followers and recently a lot of weightloss targeted marketing folks following me.

Um...

Here again I learn the lesson about keywords rather than you know reading.

Are these "miracle weightloss" and "I have the KEY to your healthy life" folks actually reading me and thinking, oh she'll buy it. She's fat she must want to lose weight.

Oh me.

Most of the time I just kinda shake my head.

To be fair I have read some of the information presented and I see the same trend that's been around in the diet and weightloss industry for ages.

First is the assumption that you are doing it wrong.

What are you doing wrong?

Everything.

You're eating wrong, exercising wrong, living wrong.

Second, the assumption that if you don't have a certain body that you're clearly and must be really unhappy in that body.

Third the assumption is that this person, this one miraculous person can tell you how to fix all of the above for the low low price of whatever.

This is what I don't like. I don't like the hype of lose pounds super quick and be a whole new you.

You won't be a whole new you.

You will be the same old you, with all of your neurosis and foibles with a smaller ass.

Along with this theme after my entry yesterday someone anonymously sent me a link to a woman's blog who supposedly losing weight solved every problem she ever had.

What this person obviously didn't read were the entries where this lady talked about her years of intensive therapy, or that her weightloss started due to a severe reaction to a medication. And that her subsequent weight gain came about after a similar experience.

In her case, yeah I can see where losing weight might have really helped her out. It can be a terrible thing when your body does things that are out of your control.

What was more powerful to me (and this was absolutely not the point of me being sent this link) was the fact that this lady started doing things she loved and her body returned to it's normal state.

She wasn't dieting per se, she wasn't on a weightloss journey, she just wanted to be as healthy as she could.

Which is one of my serious points about FA.

Being healthy as I keep saying is not one thing.

There is no one person I can look at and decide that I'm going to be just like them health wise because, our bodies are not the same.

So these are my lessons for today my homies.

Tomorrow some fluff. Or maybe not who knows I am made of random whims.

Goodnight my homies and haters.

Homo Out.
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Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Dieting, food and weighty thoughts.

No matter where fat, food and diet are mentioned there are a group of common refrains and angry chants that follow.

There are the standard assumptions about bodies that do not conform to an average visual ideal of health, generally those visuals are fat people.

I read some of the comments from Marianne and Kate's posts at Powell's and elsewhere (forgive my non linking ass I'm tired) and there are of course the usual.

YOU CAN'T BE HEALTHY OMG OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

etc.

Now I've made the point time and again that the visual of a human beings body is not necessarily indicative of their health.

Today I want to know a few things that I doubt I will get answers to because the people that say these things never have answers ready.

First, if in fact it is only the size of a person that can tell you how they eat, what they eat, whether or not they exercise are you equally angry and harsh with people who are visibly underweight?

Are you aware that there are as many real dangers of being underweight as there are as being overweight?

If you see anyone fat or thin eating junk food do you run screaming at them for their eating choices?

If appearance is the be all end all indication of health, are you as angry at people with bad skin? Bad skin can be indicative in a surface way of overall health.

Are you as angry and hateful towards people you see who may be at a normal weight but have thinning hair or brittle fingernails?

Assuming for a moment that yes, you're right you can know everything about my current and future health just by looking at my fat self what are you going to tell me?

And how are the wailing accusations of "you eat too much" etc etc accurate or correct that you who is not my doctor, doesn't know me personally, hasn't observed my life and know nothing about me save for how I look standing on the sidewalk, how can you tell me in any definitive way what's going on with me?

I will be honest, I lose vast amounts of respect for people who have this attitude.

Similarly when I hear people say they question someones disability or appearance of disability if they are fat.

If you have never spoken to someone, never seen them how do you know?

Maybe that fat person in the scooter or wheelchair wasn't fat to begin with.

Maybe that person have MS.

Maybe that person was fat to begin with but, their disability has nothing to do with their weight.

Naturally you can think whatever the hell you please. However don't expect to spew your bullshit in my area and not be called on it.

I also have been thinking about dieting.

I realize that the following is not a popular opinion in FA and that's fine with me.

I don't care if people diet.

That said, if you are dieting I would ask that you be cautious with yourself. Be careful of anything that involves you starving yourself. Be careful trying to lose weight too quickly, it's not good for you.

I will also say you're probably fine the way you are.

I don't believe that weightloss is a magical cure all that will turn a shitty life into an awesome one.

Weightloss alone will not net you a marriage proposal, it won't make you smarter, it won't all of a sudden make your life an adventure.

Changing the size or shape of your ass will not change who you are fundamentally. If you're a bitter asshole and fat, you'll probably still be a bitter asshole when you're not fat.

Furthermore, I don't believe that weightloss is a magical cure all for medical ailments either.

Yes, there are health problems that weightloss can be beneficial for. However, I do not believe that needs to be the first place to go.

I am a firm believer in a few key things when dealing with weight and health.

First and foremost there is no perfect pinnacle of health that everyone must strive for.

What is healthy and fantastic for you, could make me really sick.

Case in point.

When everyone and their Grandma was doing Atkins and having some awesome results ranging from desired weightloss to lessening diabetes drugs I decided to give it a try.

I found out a few things. Doing Atkins for about six months I discovered that kind of diet caused me to have near hypoglycemic drops in blood sugar and thus I fainted. At least once I fainted while home alone and gave myself quite a big bump on the forehead.

Also even when I switched to a very low carb diet I had a lot of problems with brain fog and fatigue. When I wasn't faint from blood sugar issues, I was angry. Not just your run of the mill I'm having a shitty day angry, more like full on bouts of rage that I could only associate with the diet.

Once I slowly got myself back into normal eating those problems subsided.

So for me that is not awesome.

For other people though, it is wonderful. I know a lot of folks with both Type 1 and 2 diabetes who benefit from that diet and that's great.

Some people I've known have benefited from weight loss. Some not. It is not my place to say there should be a moratorium on either.

It's important to me to make it very clear that I think that when people say that FA "promotes obesity" they are being obtuse.

No one is promoting obesity.

I am promoting autonomy.

I am promoting the idea that it's not up to the general public, or doctors who are not performing their duties as medical professionals, it's not up to the media or to law makers what state my or your ass is in.

I am promoting the idea that if you can do x thing for your health, that is fucking fantastic. I can do this other thing for my health and that's fucking fantastic but it is not a moral imperative.

Not a moral imperative.

I am promoting the idea that researchers need to stop falsifying data to support fear and lie based medicine.

I am promoting the idea that no matter who you are, or how you live your life you deserve medical care that isn't contingent on your body being "acceptable".

I am promoting the idea that society needs to stop fucking around.

There are far more important things to be doing than pointing at people who don't fit some arbitrary mold of what a human being is supposed to look like and start dealing with some of the serious shit that is going on in the world.

After all this, if you want to go ahead and get your hate on go ahead. Tell me if only I'd lose weight I wouldn't be such a dick and more people might want to fuck me. Tell me if I'd only lose weight you wouldn't hate me so much.

Go ahead.

Be aware though that unless you are walking next to me day to day, there's nothing you can tell me that I will take at all seriously.

Nothing.

Homo Out.
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Tuesday, June 16, 2009

I'm back with Fatty Fashions.

Okay took a wee hiatus there I had kind of a week last week. Had an epic migraine that was bad enough I actually left work halfway through unable to deal with lights and computers.

So onto MCCN's question about fabulizing (YES another made up word) her wardrobe. Also MCCN is that your email address I spied? I can't get it from my question form because when I fixed up the code to my liking I neglected to put that as an available field because I'm uh...awesome.

Onto your question my dear.

You have reached what I call the critical mass of fuck this shit. For awhile (a few years) I bought and wore a shitload of clothes I hated. I was buying and wearing these clothes for a variety of reasons except that they made me feel fabulous and sexy.

Now my economic situation has never been great so I taught myself how to thrift like a mofo.

Now if you want to cultivate a look that makes you feel like the sex, here is what I do.

I collect pictures, links, etc to things I think are awesome and inspiring. If you have a looksy here, that is where I put make up related inspiration pictures. Notice that not all of those pictures are people who look like me at all, some of them aren't even people.

I am a very visual thinker, I like having things to look at that make my brain start working. I have a few pieces of clothing that are tattered but very representative of what I like and I keep them around so I have that visual.

Next thing, broaden your horizons. Cruise Ebay, cruise thrift stores, cruise stores where you may or may not be able to shop but go for it.

Another thing I employ while shopping is visualization, what am I visualizing whatever piece of clothing with? Now because I can't always afford the things I'm lusting after, I like to find things that are similar enough to satisfy my want and still be wearable.

Or if things I am lusting after don't come in my size, I will find an alternative.

Personally I think the key to finding and keeping that fabulous feeling is a.) letting go of the idea that you must lose weight/only buy from x place/etc etc. Let. It. Go. B.) Work it. No matter what your style may be, or what you think you are "supposed" to be doing or wearing, as I have said many times before, WORK IT. WORK IT OWN IT ROCK IT WORK IT.

I don't care if you're a size 00 or a 32 goddamn it, WORK IT.

Yes this is where you picture me done up drag queen style, waving a sparkly wand at you and hollering.

WORK IT!

Own what you got. I firmly believe that fabulosity is not just what you're wearing but how you're wearing it. Are you a jeans and Tshirt kinda person? Fucking WORK THAT SHIT. Business attire? STRUT YOUR STUFF.

You get the idea.

Now homework.

When you get dressed next, take a minute to give yourself a good long look. Strike a pose no I'm serious. If you need to, tell yourself firmly POSE POSE POSE I'm talking have a running thing in your head or outloud telling yourself a la ANTM to be FIERCE (LOL at myself there for a second).

Then go forth into your world and be fabulous. If you're staying at home dealing with kids and poop, feel fabulous because this is an extremely important job. IF you're going to your job and not feeling it, work it.

Now I turn it over to you my awesome readers, fat and non fat alike. How to you get more awesome and fabulosity into your wardrobe? Secrets? What makes you feel like BAM YES I AM FUCKING HOT.

Feel free to post links, pics, or whatever other stuff you've got.

I'm back this week and have stuff to tells you internets.

But that's all for now. Go forth, be fabulous and loving.

Homo Out.

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Monday, June 08, 2009

Sex advice for the nervous.

Our question comes from the fabulous Apprehensive who says,


I'm a long-time lurker on your blog, and I was wondering if you could help me with an issue I'm confronting in my sex life.

I'm a female college student, and I am with a new boyfriend, whom I love. We have fooled around a fair amount, and it's been lovely. Right now, we're apart for the summer, but once we get back on campus in the fall, we want to give intercourse a try.

My boyfriend is completely inexperienced and naive, and I feel a certain responsibility to guide him, and make sure he has a good experience. At the same time, I'm quite concerned that I might have difficulties with intercourse.

I've had a variety of sexual relationships, many of them quite wonderful. But while I do find penetration pleasurable, it hurts! It doesn't seem to matter whom I'm with, or that they--or I--do.

I don't think I have vaginismus or some similar condition, since I can handle finger penetration just fine. But try and stick anything large in there, and things go horribly wrong.

I love my boyfriend, and I want his first experience with intercourse to be relaxed, fun, and all-around positive. I know he would be mortified by the thought of hurting me. But I feel that I need to address this issue with him, so that I don't end up suffering through more painful, unsatisfying sex.

Any help or advice would be WONDERFUL.

Thank-you so much!
Apprehensive


Oookay my darling.

First of all you sound like an awesome partner for someone to have for their first time. And I will tell you that most likely your boyfriend is going to be so excited about doing it for the first time that wonderful or not, it's going to be a bit overwhelming and kinda like OH MY GOD SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEX and he's done.

That's fine and normal.

As far as guidance goes, for those first few times make sure that a.) he's not going all buck wild and poking you in the butt if you don't want that and b.) he's not going all buck wild and trying to get in there too soon. Be gentle but firm.

Now as for you I would ask you a few questions.

Have you been checked out by a gynecologist regularly?
Have you or do you penetrate yourself with toys or your fingers?

Now that second question I ask because all of us vagina having people, our vaginas while basically the same are not all the same. If you don't already penetrate yourself here is what I suggest.

Take some time by yourself while you're feeling good and explore the shape of your vagina with your fingers.

Next thing think about past sexual experiences that were pleasant. Do you feel pain or soreness from similar positions? Have you been with fellows endowed with the big peen?

Both of these things can cause soreness and pain during or after having penetrative sex.

And that brings me to my next question, are you experiencing pain during intercourse or are you sore after?

If you start to get sore during this could come from a lot of things. You and your partner might need lube. Or you may need to switch positions. If you're having pain high up, your partners penis can be hitting your cervix and that can hurt (albeit sometimes in a pleasurable OH THAT'S AWESOME way).

If you're sore after I say again you might need lube or to explore different positions. You also might need a break. There is nothing wrong with calling a mid sex time out for the home team. Just remember not to forget your partner during said time out.

Being that you're fairly certain you don't have vaginismus I will recommend some stuff that can help treat that, and that may help you.

Masturbate a lot. This goes back to the putting your own fingers inside yourself but try buying a smallish toy. Maybe start with something a bit smaller than whatever penis you're used to. This way you can take some time to figure out at what point you're experiencing discomfort before it turns into pain.

Also you can figure out if you're having lubrication issues, if maybe one angle of penetration is more painful for you than another.

Try doing some some Kegel Exercises.

I fucking love Kegel's like whoa.

Now the awesome things about these is aside from being able to proclaim that you have a Pussy of Might, you will learn how the different areas of muscles feel and how to relax them. Think of it as yoga for your crotch.

Here is a reasonably decent explanation of the how to do Kegel's. And despite how clinical that reads lemme give you some real talk scoop.

Once you have good PC muscle control it is possible to get yourself quite aroused without touching yourself and where ever you want. This is a great thing for those of us who are slow to arousal or have libido issues.

You can also learn to use your PC muscles during sex to help yourself get to orgasm which not only feels awesome for you, can be an awesome HOLY SHIT PUSSY IS AWESOME AND MIGHTY moment for your partner as well.

If you're planning on having kids I have heard that having exercised PC muscles can assist in childbirth. That I have not done the field research on cause that's not how I roll but it's what I hear.

Strong PC muscles can also (as the instructions above say) help to not be incontinent as you get older or after childbirth. Also awesome.

Boys, don't think you are being ignored. PC muscles can help you maintain erections if you have trouble with that, they can so I hear make a difference in what you're feeling. Also boys I know how you are and penis tricks can be really amusing. I will admit, sometimes (okay fairly often) I think silly peenor tricks are funny.

Back to you Apprehensive.

I suggest spending some time this summer working this out for yourself. Not for your partner but for you.

And my darling report back, do some experimenting and let me know how you're doing or if you need some more help. Also and I am sorry to be bossy baby but I demand you go to your girly doctor and get totally checked out.

I'm afraid I must insist.

And if you can't afford your regular doc go to Planned Parenthood or find a low cost/sliding scale clinic in your area. Your ladyparts must be looked after or they will rebel.

Now folks here's where I turn it over to my awesome readers of fantasticness. Have you had experience with these issues? Can you offer our darling Apprehensive a word of wisdom or understanding? Oh I know you can.

And one more thing before I flitter off to eat delicious soup, Will, my Virgin friend, Canelle (yikes off the top of my head I am not awesome) all you folks who have written how are you doing? Yes I do really want to know. Leave a comment or send me a note.

Okay that's all homies.

Tomorrow an awesome fashion question. Also An outfit post from yours truly.

And as always if there is anything, no I mean anything you want to ask me that you think I might know. Ask away. Even if you feel dumb or weird ask me anyway and give yourself a silly moniker while you do it.

Homo out.
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Friday, June 05, 2009

Friday is for Glee.

Yes I said glee.

First some shout outs.

Um Big Liberty your wedding pictures were lovely. I love your dress congratulations.

What else?

Ohhh MCCN I need your email address :)

And Lilly the Fatshionista LJ community is located here. Despite my occasional huge level of frustration it is a pretty awesome place.

Now for some glee shall we?

I want to talk about joy for a minute.

During the hardest and worst parts of my life I learned what I consider to be one of my top 4 life altering skills. I learned to take joy in the tiny things.

There have been times in my life when things didn't just suck everything sucked. One time I recall all too vividly I was house sitting for someone with a megaton of cats in a house that had a broken water heater so I had about a half gallon of hot water a day, I had an epic flu and was taking care of myself (and despite this epic flu I could still smell ammonia and cat wee), I got fleas, it was Christmas/New Years, I got fleas and then I lost my job the day after Christmas.

All that was happening and I wound up losing my place to live which hurt the most because I was playing a big part in raising my friends two children and I hadn't thought about what would happen when I couldn't afford to live with them anymore.

To say I was completely heartbroken would be the understatement of my 20's. Everything went to complete shit.

During my job hunt (which included probably one of the worst/creepiest non-sex work interviews I've ever had..more on that later) I took up the habit of after an interview spending some time by myself without thinking about the burdens of what was going on. One of these days I for some reason had five dollars, and when you're a hair away from homelessness and poverty five dollars is a big deal.

So I took my five dollars and wandered into a used bookstore. I picked up a book for a dollar and then used my remaining four dollars to buy a cup of coffee. I remember sitting in the coffeeshop reading my book and looking out at the rain and very suddenly having that feeling, there was a moment of joy and goodness amongst all the shit.

I carry that lesson with me every day.

No matter how bad the day is going, or what fucked up thing is going on I find something to find joy in.

Maybe my hair is feeling extra special soft, my coffee is super delicious, my bus ride isn't full of shrieking crazy people, maybe I made someone smile.

Other times, I turn to the internets. I watch videos of babies laughing, animals doing cute things. Whatever.

The important thing is that there is joy even in the little things and it's important nigh on sacred to me to make sure I remember that.

And because of this lesson I learned hard I decided that the next tattoo I get when I can afford it is the following phrase in Latin:

Lux et Veritas. -ETA fuck I spelled that wrong. I am awesome.

Light and Truth because it is imperative and sacred that I remember to honor both and to remind myself that yes, my truth is important too.

I'm thinking I want it inside my left forearm so I can read it when I need it.

So that's all. It's Friday and I am really hoping to finish writing an essay I started today.

So bring me yer links and yer joys. I will probably do some Fatshions advice this weekend and sexytimes advice on Monday. And as always feel free to ask me anything guys. Totally anything.

So peace out my homies. Have a beautiful and joy filled weekend.

Homo Out.

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Thursday, June 04, 2009

Fatshions Thursday baby.

Fatshions Thursday babies.

It has been quite hot here lately and while I freaking LOVE the hot weather my summer clothes wardrobe isn't quite as awesome as I'd like.

That said.

Some of my outfits have been of the cute and THRIFTY!

So first lemme show you my pretty cheap outfit.

DSCF3186b

Now this is after 14 hours of wear so my shirt is stretched out and I'm rumpled but you get the idea.

From the toes up.

Soda brand flipflops bought on Ebay for 20$ shipped awhile ago. I couldn't find the Reefs I wanted for a price I liked so here they are. My bestie told me to check out wearing the flipflops and despite me being dubious, holy fucking shit these are comfy. And such an awesome deal.

Next up my trusty Old Navy brand fold over skirt. I thrifted this a long time ago on Fatshionista (LJ community) and I just love it. This is quite possibly one of the most comfortable skirts I've owned in a long time. Now why it is that ON isn't making this one in plus sizes I don't know. It's a perfect drape, excellent jersey fabric it would sell like gangbusters. It is stretchy enough that I would guess that the womens XXL would probably fit above a few inches where their size chart cuts off. Also because of the fold over waistband, if you have a belly it's comfy, if you have a big booty it'd be no thing to pin the waistband in back to keep your skirt even. If you're more straight up and down shaped with narrower hips, it would still be cute. Being that I'm short torso'd I do wear it way up near my bra so I get that nice (it's better fresh out of the wash) hits right at my knees.

The Tshirt came from Target. From their line of Jrs sized (hold on about that bit) cheap "layering" tees. Now this shirt is the XXL and you see how it fits. They do stretch out so if you're say up to about a 16-20 or so depending on your bust and belly size the tanks could totally work for you because the tanks are made quite long. Anyway, it was only 8$ and works like whoa. I'm a little weird about the wee titty pocket there but overall these are a good find and I'll probably pick up a couple more.

If you're more solidly in Target's plus size range the selection even online is pretty crappy. Although I will say again no matter what size you actually are, things like tshirts and tank tops especially cheap ones. Buy one and take a chance. I don't know about you guys but I always need shirts and shirts that maybe aren't exactly right I often pair with cardigans or something else layered so it's not a total loss.

Okay so that was my outfit yesterday. I have decided I really love the fuller skirt and more form fitting (yes I know it got baggy) top shape for summer.

Next up.

OMG ATTENTION MY 24-32 SIZED HOMIES.

I've been doing a lot of ebay cruising and lately there has been a lot of stuff in these sizes for various sizes. Now what I've taken to doing with ebay lately is once you're looking at the women's clothes area just click the plus sizes, then order them from lowest+shipping. Treat it like going to the thrift store and scroll away until something catches your eye, then check the listing. I've noticed a lot of sellers aren't super clear in headlines so even if something might be a tad too small check anyway.

Next I think I am ready to begin my slow denunciation of pants. This is mostly inspired by Lesley and her ass kicking dresses of fucking awesomeness and Tara (Tara Shuai) and her fierce awesome winter defying femmeness.

The fact is I have hated to wear pants since I was a child. There were years as a kid I hated to wear pants. That said. I have developed a love of a good pair of black slacks. I feel very growed up office goth in black slacks so I will probably not cut pants out in total.

But I have decided that jeans can fuck right off. I don't really like wearing them and only started buying them out of desperation.

Fuck to the that.

So my plan thus far is going to involve running tights under skirts and dresses when it gets cold. Boots, oh yes there will be more boots and I will in fact scour the mother fucking Earth for gothy boots that fit.

I am going to thrift my ass off during the end of summer and start of fall. I am also going to sew because I am going to be fabulous.

I am going to be fabulous and not go broke doing it.

This is my goal and I believe it is a good one. I am too old not to be indulging my fashion whims.

Speaking of I was digging through a box of stuff and found I have some cute stuff I didn't know I had. one of which involves spider embossed netting. I also have a short red petticoat that I forgot I had. I'm not sure if it fits though so I might sell it and buy a bigger size.

Next week for Fatty Fashion I will cover some mens wear. I want my big male identified or big fabulous butches to look sexy too.

Share with me, tell me your recent fashion wins and not so wins.

Homo Out.

PS..I need some new flats off to Ebay I will report back next week.
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Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Oh why yes I did.

Okay um first of all.

I know I say it all the time but I fucking love you guys.

And welcome WELCOME. Lurkers, new homies. JennyRose welcome. I am so glad SO glad you have found some solidarity and comfort.

So B asked me the following questions that I am more than happy to answer.

I am finally ready to undergo my breast reduction and I had a few questions.

1. How long did it take you to recover from yours?


Being that I had mine a long time ago some of this has probably changed but, I was in the hospital for a few days, then they removed the drains from my incisions and I went home. I had (shit man don't you know I can't remember the technical term) keyhole shaped incisions and had about three weeks of initial downtime where I stayed home from school.

My big advice during your recovery is to take it slow. Don't go around lifting things right when you stop being sore because you could hurt yourself. Before surgery make sure stuff you want/need is on boob level. I think I was pretty much totally healed within 8 weeks or so with some residual soreness.

2. What size did you go from to where you are now? ( you may have answered this but I forgot)


Uh at the end just prior to getting surgery the very last bra I had was something like a 34 FF. Now looking at some bra size charts and knowing how small the last bra I wore was, I would say I probably got to be about an H cup or so.

Holy shit that is insane to think about.

3. Did you lose nipple sensation? If so, did it recover?


I did lose some sensation. I was so young though I didn't really realize it.

These days (like lots of other women who haven't had surgery) my sensation is okay. Usually one nipple is more sensitive than the other but overall I did not have a total loss of sensation and I think (this could be mind over matter) but I think, that the sensation did return.

Now questions you didn't ask but tips I have.

Questions to ask your doc:
Ask to see before and after pictures of other patients.
Also if you are prone to keloid type scarring make sure you talk about that as well.

Other stuff to consider with the breast reduction.
Make sure that as you're considering what size do keep in mind your body shape. I know it may be tempted to go really small and perky but do keep in mind your proportions.
Also, those scars are going to itch as they heal. You can talk about it with your doctor but I highly recommend Vitamin E oil or cocoa butter to help combat that.
Prior to having surgery get yourself some soft cup or wireless sports bra type things. Or if you prefer shelf bra camisoles. Just enough support to keep your sore new boobies from moving around too much. Nothing too tight though so as not to irritate your skin.

Also buy yourself some shirts. Have a supply of things that will fit you properly because it will be a good feeling.

Umm...I think that's all I've got in the way of the booby advice today.

What else?

OH before I totally forget new sexytimes advice probably Monday.

Also some followup to yesterdays entry but I can't brain anymore today.

And tomorrow, a summer fashion report and my official denunciation of pants.

So with that my darlings I'm out. I have a story to edit and try to cut down by about 400 words.

I love you my homies.

But wait, your homework for tonight is as follows.

Take a moment at some point, (yes we've done this before but this time there's a twist) look at yourself, give yourself a stern look and say I am fucking awesome. Who's awesome? I am awesome.

Rinse, repeat at least twice.

That's it.

Homo Out.
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Tuesday, June 02, 2009

An interesting question.

Okay I started this forever ago now but wanted to make sure I was presenting what I wanted to say in the way I wanted to.

Over the weekend I got an anonymous question from a regular reader. I won't repost the whole thing here as she'd like to remain totally anonymous. Essentially what she wants to know about is my experience in this sort of body as an adult.

She admitted that she's one of the people who looks at someone like me and thinks inwardly that I am not really fat and she does not understand the place of someone like me in the fat community. She said it hadn't occurred to her prior to finding smaller fat folks on the Fatosphere and in Fatshionista on LJ that smaller fat folks would have any of the same sort of problems pretty much at all.

So some of the issues I have personally (Now I may be Queen of all I Survey however the vote is still out among the smaller fat folks about who is queen) experienced and experience daily.

One of the things that probably bothers me the most at this size is the assumption by the world at large that I am a work in progress. That I am at the midway point between some 'horrifying' before picture and the 'lovely' after picture. I think at the size I am which is probably a little larger than average in spots (I'll get to that later, that has to do with proportion) it is assume that I am actively losing weight.

And when I correct people on this point a lot of them get pissed off.

Most of the time I can let that roll off of my back. Sometimes, it's a really fucked up thing to deal with.

I think that too many people feel far more comfortable trying to exert their will over another persons body when said body is close to what they think it should be. What can often be construed as a privilege is sometimes an ass flavored burden.

So there's that kind of thing.

What else?

Doctors. Can we talk about health care for a minute?

I have had countless doctors give me the following speech in one way or another.

"If you just cut down (insert whatever here) and do more (insert other whatever here) you'll lose those last 20 pounds in no time."

Now usually those conversations lead to me being angry because after asking me once and I decline the "weight help" how about just fucking treating me for what I came for?

You dig?

For me personally as I have probably mentioned size is way less of an issue for me personally than economics is. Frankly, I'm of the mind that regardless of the size of another human being if they have awesome fatshion advice or whatever I'm down to listen. Even if it doesn't pertain to my currently size 14/16 ass.

My advice my anonymous friend, is this.

I can't tell you the Inbetweenie/smaller fat experience. What I can tell you is what goes on in my slice of the universe. I highly advocate that you and whomever else instead of focusing that this person is not the same size as me, instead take that set of blinders off and actually look at what that person with the different ass is saying.

For instance (I'm totally talking about you here Lesley) Lesley over at Fatshionista.com has an entirely different body shape than I do. Like even if we wore the same size, our bodies are still entirely different. Now that being what it is, I could reasonably say that I don't read her fashion posts because we are so different.

But, I fucking love Lesley. Her aesthetic is not mine, our bodies are way different but I think she has some ass kicking style and after being a regular reader of her wardrobe posts I've been clued into some shops and deals I would have otherwise never heard of.

Now because I have stayed with the fashion posts, that has led me to her other posts which are equally awesome.

See what I did there?

This also ties in with the whole diversity and intersectionality thing in the fat community.

There are lots of folks in the Fat community talk about a lot of things. If you can only deal with one sort of fat talk, then you're not going to get the richness and full awesome flavor that the fat community has to offer.

Additionally it's not the job of bloggers or even groups of bloggers to make sure that readers are exposed to diverse voices. The onus of that is on the person taking in the information. If diversity is important to you, you have to take the responsibility to either learn to find diverse voices or points of view that are different than yours.

If you can't hack it, or can't widen your horizons to take in those other voices it's your fucking loss. No really it is.

You can't just talk about wanting this or that to magically appear in a community, chances are it's out there. It's up to you to find it.

I had more planned to say but I seriously digressed so I'll save that for another post.

So to end it, again my homies feel free to ask me anything you wanna. You can do it anonymously via my form there (sexytimes questions, wardrobe questions, whatever questions) and if you ask I won't quote your question word for word.

All this said, I am off. I need some water to counteract my mega assload of coffee I've had today.

I love you guys.

Homo out.
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