Wednesday, December 30, 2009

It's almost 2010.

I don't do resolutions I do however reflect.

And upon reflection quite frankly 2009 can lick my balls.

Overall I am vastly unimpressed with the year.

2010 needs to be a rather Bohemian year.

By which I mean more art more beauty more love.

Yep.

(Pardon me while I sing songs from Moulin Rouge for a minute)

To that end I am not going to be such an asshole to myself when I'm feeling sad and vulnerable.

I have been working on that and fuck it's hard.

Now I must profess my love for you guys. This is my end of the year love letter to the internets.

My homies,

I've been journaling/blogging for a long time now. I started out with an anonymous angst fill journal on DiaryX back in the day. Closed that one and made one under the name Nudemuse at the same site.

Then DiaryX died a magnificent sad death and I started using the domain name I purchased and did nothing with except fiddle with HTML.

From way back then I never thought that people would be at all interested in my random musings and rants.

People started reading, people started leaving comments and things and damn it, you bring me a lot of joy.

Every one of you who has commented with a fuck yeah or I don't get it but yay and everything else.

Every one of you lurkers.

And yes you folks who come here to make fun of the fatty or try your damndest to troll.

It brings me more joy than I can ever tell you guys that sometimes things I say mean something to you. It brings me joy to hand you a little piece of me and know that some of you are carrying that around somewhere in your head.

So to end the year my homies I just want to say thank you.

Thank you for listening when I've been ranting about race or fat or sex.

Thank you for listening when I'm on about fashion and my ass.

Thank you for asking me meaningful questions.

Thank you for shutting up and listening when applicable.

Thank you.

I really hope that for all of you my homies and haters that your 2010 is better than your 2009.

I hope that you get some sweet sleep and have some beautiful dreams.

I hope that you love yourself and other people.

I hope you know that even those days when you are pretty sure you're the butthole of the universe, you still know that people care about you and love you.

Here's to a damn fine year.

You will probably not hear from me until after 2010 starts. I intend to spend New Year's even in my ugly flannel jammies snogging Uniballer and watching movies. Perhaps eating some delicious noms. I've been begging for tasty stinky fancy cheese despite the digestive consequences.

Happy safe and awesome New Years my darlings.

Love,
Shannon
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Monday, December 28, 2009

Dappled in glitter.

So my homies I have been thinking.

Traditionally the closing years brings about much navel gazing on my part.

So there are to be changes in the new year.

Holy shit right?

More outfit pictures and regular fat girl thrifting reports.

I am also not going to balk at myself so much when I'm feeling vulnerable.

More announcement type things later let's get on with some advice for my homies.

CG and a homie we'll call BH (Big Homie) asked essentially almost the exact same question except BH is a dude who likes ladies.


My Text Area 1: Ok, first off, I heart you <----this much----->. :) You are so awesome in every way.
Ok, I know that this is a silly question, but I am very isolated, so I do not have a lot of outside feedback, and what I do have is pretty disheartening. Also, you seem way more knowledgeable o' sage of the tingly bits. haha
Sorry for the preamble. I am a straight woman. I am considered extremely ugly by people, I do not agree with them. I am very very fat. I am not feminine at all. I do not aim for attractive, sexy, or alluring looks in any way. I am just not drawn to those looks. I am also very loud. Basically, I fail in every area of "shoulds" for women. I think that I am awesome. I have a lot of very good qualities. I love me and am comfortable with myself in every way, but my characteristics seem to make relationships impossible. Of course, I have seen women with a couple of these characteristics in relationships. There is no shortage of fucking in the world, but whenever I see a woman with all of these characteristics, it seems that they are single forever.
My question is have you seen a woman, or women, with ALL of these characteristics in relationships with people who are attracted to them?
Thank you,
C.G.


CG you and BH said a lot of the same things and my immediate short answer is why yes I have.

The thing about relationships and attractiveness is that the acquisition of the former is not necessarily a matter of the latter.

And you know I'm not going to blow smoke up your ass about it.

Ugly is when it comes to personal preferences and who a person is attracted to highly subjective.

I firmly believe that (societal ideals aside) no matter what you look like someone is going to dig it.

I say that for several reasons.

I've seen lots of people partner up when they were not what mainstream society would say is attractive, some of them were total pricks, others awesome people with "flaws". You name it.

Also CG the other women you're thinking of who have some of the same qualities you do but as you think not all, you know behind closed doors they might be a hot mess.

This is what I've discovered about other people darling CG and you too BH.

When you see/meet them they might look like they are pretty awesome but, fact is that they might be not as awesome behind closed doors.

So I say believe that there is someone out there who is going to take one look at you, or talk to you one time and then look at you like you are Mother Fucking Christmas.

Is this easy?

No.

However you CG and you too BH have some awesome things going for you both.

You both know you are pretty fucking awesome. That is a huge start.

Next thing if you're ready to not be single or at least date more widen your search. I personally was not a huge fan of dating when I was single and didn't do a lot of it. If I'd had the internet you'd be damn skippy I'd have been doing a lot of OKCupid etc dating.

One of the things I've learned about relationships is that the things that you think would make them impossible for you (in my case my occasionally insane needs for absolute silence and solitude along with a host of other idiosyncrasies and crazy) turn out often to be the stuff that makes people love you and want you.

Weird but in my life I've found it to be true.

Truthfully I'm no expert in finding relationships. All of the good ones I've ever had (including the one I'm in with Uniballer right now)happened by accident and when I wasn't looking.

So the bulk of my advice is this.

Relax.

I really doubt that there is any combination of things about you CG or you BH (or any of my other homies) that is so awful that nobody is going to love you.

I also think that there's a chance that your biggest obstacle to finding that somebody to love on and snog might be yourself. Despite telling yourself that you are in fact mother fucking awesome, having that side track of well I'm really really fat and loud and weird so nobody is going to want me, that is not helping your cause.

For some people finding that other person seems to happen quickly and easily for others not so much and that's okay. No really it is.

I also think fuck rules and if you're ready go out and get yours. Be the awesome person you are and you will find the awesome person you want.

Now my homies the floor is yours. Do you have advice for BH (dude)and CG (lady)?

Tomorrow um..I'm not sure. We'll see what comes out of my brain.

Although I am doing an official essay store relaunch after New Years with some more essays and stuff.

And please PLEASE if you buy something make sure you go back to merchant to download your essay. I put that on the pages but a few people have missed it and it takes me awhile to get to check my email sometimes.

http://nudemuse.org/essaypage.html

Now I'm off to eat a wee bit more chocolate and plot having to get up early because of public transport fuckery.

Homo Out.a
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Thursday, December 17, 2009

Yah rly...or Fat Epiphany of the year.

For the past few weeks I've been in an emotional roller coastery not so joy ride.

My self image has been suffering.

It's been really cold out and my ass has been cold and last night while I was in the tub and (yes I KNOW how silly this is) trying to roll my abdominal muscles in a certain way it hit me.

This whole pants thing is not new.

It's not new to my fat body because I have Always Had Problems with Pants.

Always?

Always.

When I was a size 5-7 for I dunno about a year or so I had two pairs of pants. One pair of Mudd mid rise dark blue slightly bootcut jeans and one pair of black jean style pants that were a weird poly blend of bullshit.

At that size I tried clothes on with impunity, I tried them on everywhere and had this SAME MOTHER FUCKING PANTS PROBLEM.

Up until my mid twenties I really did not have many pairs of pants at one time. One reason is that I really prefer skirts and dresses. The other reason is.....finding pants that fit is epic.

All this time I have been in such an angsty angry bad place. That bad feeling like there is something just wrong about my body ebbed and flowed tidally. Even looking at some of the ill fitting ass covers I have I felt upset inside. Not the kind of up top of the brain upset but the worse (for me) insidious kind that hides behind every day bullshit and then SURPRISE it's right there and I'm upset.

Last night while looking down my naked body I realized that the problem is proportion.

My body is not proportioned in a way that makes pants shopping easy. It never has been and will never be.

It really doesn't matter what size my ass area is. Smaller, bigger whatever.

I had to really lay there (until the water got cold and I had to refill) and let it sink in.

I won't bullshit you guys and say I'm totally over it because I'm not.

It's still a rough thing, it feels bad. I'm not as miserable as I was but it's still hard.

However.

There are things that make it better.

At Uniballer's behest we are having a very Old Navy holiday. We got ourselves some really nice things. I got some of the shirts I love from there and a clearance dress. he got some nice pants and it's good.

RH sent me the most lovely present from Torrid. Those Dickie's pants.

Oh the pants.

I squee'd so loud when I opened the box and tried them on.

HOly fucking SHIT DICKIE'S WHAT THE FUCK?

Those super cute pants that are supposedly mid-rise.

Um.

Those pants, seriously have about a 3.5" rise. I'm talking the waist band came just over the top of my fucking pudenda.

Um...what WHAT?

I called Torrid because the picture is misleading, they look midrise on the model who is probably 5-6" taller than I am and so reason says the rise would be fine.

I was appalled. Honestly.

Even if I were thin, pants with a just barely covers the cooch kind of cut are not for me. So I'm going to trade them in for something else. I also sent a note to Dickies.


Hi there. I was given a pair of your Dickie's girl for Torrid boot cut twill pants. I have to say the fit on them is appalling for something marketed for a plus size customer a very very low rise, small thigh and short/no butt room is a really poor representation of your brand. Torrid was under the impression that this was a mid rise pant which they are clearly not unless mid rise now means just above crotch level, the rise is shorter than my middle finger. Please -please- in the future give Torrid correct information as it is really disappointing to get something so off from what you're expecting. I have been wearing Dickie's brand clothes for a very long time and have never had such an issue with anything made by your company. It would be really nice to see a well cut pair of Dickie's pants (Personally I like the style of the Torrid pants the fit and pattern are the issues) that allow room for things like butts and thighs. As a consumer I will probably not be buying more of your products any time soon and I'll be letting other plus size consumers know about my experience. I think that the plus size options directly from you are incredibly limited and unfortunately is not a good representation of your brand. If you don't want to make plus size clothes just don't, it's better to not have any than to make them badly.


I feel better.

Moving along.

Now that I'm on the emotional mend tomorrow advice for two homies.

And more advice.

Probably some end of year naval gazing.

As for me I'm going to drink some delicious tea and plot for spring. And after Chrismakwanzukuh plot to go buy some leggings and things to keep warm.

Remember I love you guys.

I really really do and I'm so thankful so many of you are so awesome. You too lurkers.

Thank you for being in the universe.

Homo out.
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Friday, December 11, 2009

And that's what we call a failure of self esteem.

Okay wow.

Honestly I had a plan and derailed myself entirely.

This week I had big plans for launching my essay store and the other night after posting I had a moment of my self esteem at first stumbling a little then it went ass over tea kettle.

I don't feel like going into the gory details but suffice it to say I had a momentary crises.

However I will tell you the things that made me deflate.

I was/am so nervous about making non fiction that isn't regular blogging available.

Which led to me questioning the design of my pages and at some point the whole damn idea.

Now here is where things got shitty.

My self esteem issues tend to move from intellectual things and then into my body.

So this pants thing.

I've been wanting to not shop at Torrid. The fact is I find that the ratio of price vs quality control just does not work for me. Also most of their clothing just doesn't flip my happy switch.

BUTT (yes I used that form on purpose) the fact is I have yet to find pants from other stores that fit me right at all.

So Lane Bryant pants tend to not fit me correctly, Fashion Bug's pants meh, kinda fit but not really. So then we come to Old Navy.

I had 30$ that I was holding in tight fisted anticipation of buying these pants. Then BAM I got a coupon and was ready then my inner voice of fashion reason said, you know what happens between your ass and pants, get some on Ebay first. Also they did not have the size I thought I needed in black in stock.

So after lots of searching I found similar pants on Ebay for 4$. I got them. Meanwhile, I was able to try on a couple of other sizes of similar Old Navy pants because an acquaintance's girlfriend has a similar pants finding issue and didn't want to return them. So I tried on 3 sizes (except the one I bought on Ebay naturally)

The straight womans size 12 low rise pants fit me so weird. They were too tight in the upper thigh, too low rise (I'm pretty sure that if I bent over in them my butthole would have gotten air I had so much ass cleavage going) so those were out. Which got my spidey sense tingling that Old Navy mightn't be the way.

So then I tried the 14 in the same style and those fit in the thigh but fit very weird in the waistband which was a low belly area on me. Also they gave me serious camel toe which I'm not down with.

I tried on the Plus size 16 and they fell down. Just about to the top of my hips but if I took a step I'm pretty sure they would have slid right off of my ass. Which we can't have happening in the middle of winter.

So I figure that the regular womens size 16 pants I had won on Ebay would be perfectomundo. Which would then mean I could order at will from Old Navy directly when the original pants I wanted were back in stock.

Still with me?

So then the ebay pants came and they are very pretty. But they don't fit me very well. They are a mid-rise with a nice decorated waist band. Supposedly boot cut but they fit me more like wide legged trousers which is fine. But....

So the mid rise size 16 pants fit just over my belly button and just under my natural waist perfectly right out of the wash. But, they sag at the crotch and more sadly at the ass.

Uniballer says the saggy ass isn't too bad but when I wear them (I've worn them twice now) I feel so self conscious about how the pants just hang off of the back and at the crotch. And for some reason this week that really -really- upset me.

And when I say it upset me I kinda lost my shit and started hating.

My ass is not big enough to fill a pair of womens size 16 pants so, I got that bad feeling that my ass was just bad.

My proportions between waist and hip are strange and I felt like that was stupid and bad.

I kept being caught between being upset that I'm not just you know regular old fat or regular straight sized.

I kept thinking about how much easier my life would be if I was just a size 16 or just a size 12.

It spun out in my head in bad ways. I felt (still feel a little bit) like my body is just doing it all fucking wrong and that I would have to spend shitloads of money on bullshit and still not feel good.

It's taking a fuckload of effort to reel it in. And just deal with and acknowlege that yes, my size 12-14-16/L/XL/XXL ass fits specifically a Torrid size 12 bottom.

That's it.

That's not good. It's not bad. It just is.

It just fucking is.

I'm a little teary but fuck it's hard.

And honestly I get angry after I am sad about these things.

I get angry because there is so much time that I don't feel this way, when I do feel this way I feel like I am betraying a lot of my own core serious business values and that makes me fucking angry.

It makes me feel full of rage that I've only just in the last few years learned not to direct like a laser at myself.

I have to remind myself that I'm human and fragile.

That sometimes like most of us I am my own worst fucking enemy.

And while that's not a great thing it's not a terrible thing.

I can have these moments and then dig my heels in and pull out of it.

How?

This. Talking about it, going through it and now working like fucking hell to pull myself out of it because goddamn it there is nothing wrong with my ass.

No, I will never EVER have the magnificent bubble butt that I have dreamt of having since I was a teenager.

No, I will probably never EVER be any kind of size that makes a lick of fucking sense.

I can really remember how much worse this problem was when I was thinner. How when I was thin and supposed to be living it up in that whole bullshit fantasy I was quite frankly miserable.

When I was at an "ideal" weight I felt like the ugliest most misshapen thing on the planet. I hated my body so much. I hated it from stem to stern. I hated that I worked out so hard and still had a jiggly ass. I hated that while my thighs lost some girth they were way out of proportion with the rest of my body. I hated that because I was so thin my already big tits looked freakish to me.

I am so thankful that I'm not that thin anymore.

I am also thankful that in the long run I am pretty happy with my body generally speaking. I like that at this weight I feel proportioned correctly to Shannon Specifications.

So yeah.

That's where I've been.

And now despite my ongoing misgivings and nerves the store is here.

Shannon's Essay Store.

Now before you go running to look keep some stuff in mind.

My web design skills are not super awesome. These pages are very plain and I do like them that way.

Also this is my first try at doing a store related type thing. There may be bugs. If you encounter any problems there are email contacts on most of the pages.

You can view some of my fiction on the Other Writings page.

Currently there are three essays available all under 3$ a pop. I plan to add a few more in the next few days.

And there I have vented my spleen my homies.

I am feeling a bit better. And I won't give advice when I'm in such a fucking state, I hate doing that. So as I'm feeling better I may have another go this weekend or vent my spleen some more I'm not certain.

I am certain that I am going to eat some delicious Thai food tonight. Leftovers of win.

I'm also going to sit back and take a breath.

I'm ok.

Now later my homies and haters. Thank you for letting me vent my spleen.
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Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Oh my stars garters and everything else.

So holy crap.

You guys, OMG you guys.

I have been a busy busy lady. Aside from trying (belatedly, Gods really self, do you still really wait until it's fucking freezing to prepare) to get ready wardrobe wise for winter and doing something well kind of awesome.

My shop is 99% done. I have three essays uploaded, I have a paypal cart system in place. I did an about the author page that will probably go live last because I never know what to say on those. I did a bibliography page so you can read my fiction if you're so inclined.

I have written another essay and have another on the burner to edit.

My homies. LET'S DO THIS.

But first.

Instead of doing a newsletter I decided to do an announcement only Google group. So if you would like to be notified when I add content to my wee store or have something else epic going on (I don't imagine a lot of activity) please head over here honestly I have never really used something like that and I cannot promise I won't fuck up at least once. Feel free to spread that link around if you feel like it.

Next order of business.

My essay pages are not fancy. I used plain old school html hand coded in notepad by yours truly then tweaked in front page. So please don't expect any bells and whistles.

Um.

OH, I have more advice to give this week now that my brain is fully functional again.

We (Uniballer and I) finally got a real DSL modem from home which will mean more frequent posting. Our internets connection was so bad from home for awhile I could hardly upload pictures much less make posts and things. It's much better now thanks to a super deal we found.

In fat news.

I actually said that out loud a la a TV reporter type thing(wow I'm tired).

Anyway before I digress further I had a conversation with a prospective doctor.

See I am looking for a new gyno/gp that is closer to home. I have been making some calls and the top contender looked like a winner until we spoke on the phone.

One of the first things out of her mouth was doubt as to the validity of my last round of tests. As in my very low fasting blood sugar, my lower than average BP, my okay but not great cholesterol levels. She also was dubious about my repeated (and noted) wishes not to be put on some jackass diet.

She told me flat out that she would not be referring me for my joint issues until I showed a "commitment to lowering my BMI". Now clearly she had not really read my medical records and frankly I'm too fucking old to go through all that bullshit again.

I politely told her thanks but no thanks and that I don't need to see a doctor who a.)doesn't respect my wishes in regards to my own body and b.) uses such a flawed measurement as basis for treatment.

Upshot is the search continues.

Now I honestly have an already shaky (read as mistrustful) view of the medical industrial complex.

This comes from years of being sickly, injured, etc.

Most of the most valuable (life saving in some cases) things about my body that I have learned have not come from the doctors I'm supposed to trust with my life. Here's a wee list.

1.) Given the way that my body metabolically functions, being a vegetarian even a pescetarian is not good for me. My body does not function well without protein from meat. That's it. I spent a lot of years trying valiantly to be a vegetarian/vegan. I ate some really wonderful food but in the end, my body started to break down and I started getting sick a lot and finally realized that the intense cravings for meat were more than some by product of society that says HAY EAT MEAT. It was biological and once I started heeding my body more than heeding a set of politics I got healthier.

2.) Losing weight is not a cure anything for me. At lower weights I have had some new (low blood pressure) and some exacerbated (joint problems) issues. For me to maintain an "ideal" weight for my height and frame, I have to exercise a lot. When I say a lot it's in hours daily. Now even when I was doing low impact aerobic exercise that often, yes I lost and kept off weight but I also started having increased back, knee and ankle problems. Swelling, limping, laying awake at night having back spasms. That was not good for my well being in any fashion. Not to mention that no matter how hard I worked out or weights I lifted, my body did not aesthetically show a lot of that and emotionally that was fucking terrible. I have learned that for my particular body,moderate gentle exercise is the way to go. That will not ever keep me thin but it keeps me feeling better and that is more important to me than having a magazine ad ass.

3.) I have an intolerance to a lot of pain medications. Some give me terrible hives, others make me really constipated and I really don't want to be on anything like that long term so see above.

4.) I have learned to stand up for myself and my health. I figured out at some point in my 20's that some doctors are full of shit. That some doctors have money on the brain more than my precious health. That, sometimes my instincts are right. Most importantly I learned how my body functions. Being that there is no Shannon textbook available, I am the best source of tht information and I need a doctor who will work with that and work with me rather than look at me and say you's gonna die fatass.

It is far more important to me to spend the rest of my life feeling comfortable in my body and being as healthy as I can be than it is to look like someone else's idea of health.

To this end I will have another run at doctors after the holidays. Someone I work with gave me information about an Insomnia and Sleep disorder specialist who does not bullshit serious long term insomniacs about getting medication when needed. Hallelujah.

I am so thankful for that you guys don't even know. People who have never suffered long lasting (with me this is decades) insomnia really just don't get it and that is really frustrating.

Now tomorrow folks I'm coming at you with some advice for CG and another reader who wanted to remain anonymous but we'll call Big Homie. Then Corey my nerdy darling you're up on Friday. Then this weekend providing I find my fucking camera cord I wanted to share some thrifting wins and not so wins.

The not so wins have the most absurd story to go along with them.

Now if y'all will excuse me I am going to do some writing drink a lot of tea and try not to free my ladyballs off because wow it's fucking cold here.

As always, I do really love and cherish you homies and haters.

Do me a favor, tell yourself that you're pretty fucking cool. And if you question this assessment, remind yourself that Shannon said so and that's that.

Homo out.
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Wednesday, December 02, 2009

In what universe are you fat.

Spurred by discussion over at Fatshionista and some questions I've been asked I have been thinking about that phrase which I've heard said to me about my body, which I've seen on outfit posts, which I've seen in blogs and journals.

Now right now I'm going to talk about my body and my body alone.

I am a fat woman.

It doesn't matter which way you cut it, if you go by BMI (creeping towards deathfat I believe since I'm short and fat), my measurements, my fat hams, my actual weight (which incidentally I don't actually know, I'm gonna say around 185?), etc I am fat.

Now looking at me on any given day people tend to assume I am thinner than I actually am. Not a purposeful thing on my part, more due to the fact that I tend towards very good posture (head up, booty up, tits out, back straight -blame exposure to drag queens at an early age and years of school band), but I am usually working the good posture.

There is also how my unclothed nekkid body is shaped and how the clothes I put on my body sit on my flesh.

I have broad shoulders and big boobies which on a visual level can make the rest of me look smaller when in actuality, yep I'm still fat.

Also the shape of my nakedness is a sort of thick hourglass. However, my natural waist (where my torso has the smallest circumference) is way up near the bottom of my ribs. So depending on what I'm wearing I may look more apple shaped, I may look more hourglass shaped.

And again, still fat. Actual body has not changed in the slightest.

Why am I saying all this?

I'm saying it because there are few things I loathe more than the idea that because a body might not look fat in say those fabulous pants and kickass sweater, then all of a sudden there's the murmurings of, "oh but you're not really fat." Then the person who may not look particularly fat that day feels bad and it's messy all the way around.

I don't like that and frankly in the grand scheme of things I think it's unecessary and does a disservice to everybody.

So here's the bottom line.

Whether or not you feel like someone my size, or a similar size is fat or not really doesn't honestly make a difference as to whether or not that person is in fact a physically fat person.

And before you start saying to yourself or to someone else. OMG how can YOU be fat, take a step back and really look at the picture or the person. And maybe be mindful of how that might make that person feel, rational reaction or not.

Nobody likes it when parts of the identity they claim are ignored or pushed aside with a oh you silly ass kinda feeling you know?

Remember that visual does not always equal reality or alter reality.

And if you are the person who's body is deemed not fat on visual, don't worry. It really doesn't matter what someones judgment about the size of your body is, it changes nothing. Your experience is not invalidated or pushed away. Even if you have that moment of feeling like it is and that hurts, yes I know it hurts and it sucks but, fact is another persons judgment won't alter your reality.

We all know I'm still kind of a big ole hippy and I really don't like seeing us hurting each others feelers when it is really not necessary.

That said I am perfectly aware that sometimes no matter what happens someone is going to have hurt feelings, my view is that I like to know that there are those hurt feelings, and be mindful of that. I'm not saying everywhere has to be rainbows shooting out of everyone's asses and peeing glitter everywhere of course, I do fully believe that most of us are fully capable of being both reasonable and empathetic.

My big solution is the ever useful adage, don't be a dick.

Don't be a dick to other people and hurt their feelings on purpose, and if you do hurt their feelings take a second and acknowledge that if not apologize for doing so.

And if your feelings are hurt don't be a dick to the person that did it inadvertently or not. Even if they don't acknowledge that your feelings are important or valid, they still are. Even if they don't apologize, yep your feelings are still valid and important.

Now to illustrate my lengthy body discussion up there a few fotos of yours truly in varying finery with and without cranky greasy face.

Also yes my carpet is grungy because my vacuum is broke and there's only so much you can do with a broom and I can't afford a new one just now.

partyoutfit

DSCF3207b

summerygoth

DSCF3063b

See there?

All fat.

Sometimes I look a little taller (Oh SHIT and I just started singing this song after typing that *headdesk*going to be singing it all fucking night) now where was I?

OH right, sometimes I look taller, shorter, rounder, bigger boobed, etc etc. All still the same body.

Expect more outfit pics after I a.) find the cord to my camera and b.) reup my flickr pro account.

With that my darlings, I love you.

Homo Out
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