Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Honoring these things.

I had a rant going but changed my mind.

I'm not in the fucking mood today.

Today I am in the mood to talk about the things that contribute to my self esteem.

So back in the day when I was a youngster and very very confused about my self image and who I really wanted to show the world I stumbled on what would become the foundation of my self esteem.

The first and most important thing was that I had to learn that I in all of my glorious me-ness would never ever be like someone else in all their glorious otherness.

Seems quite simple but it's damn hard.

That means I had to stop comparing myself to my thin friends. not compare myself to diet ads, the ladies at the gym i went to. Random ladies on the street whom I thought to be better than me.

I (no really I did this) stood naked in front of a mirror and stared. I looked at myself from every angle I could.

It took me a long damn time to let that want to compare myself even just in my head.

Even now I struggle with the impulse and goddamn it I am not having it.

Now that led me to the freedom to just be who I am.

Which includes some not awesome things like I do have a temper that can be a problem, I can be a huge asshole and sometimes I'm a total snob. On the plus side once I stopped fighting everything under the fucking sun and leanred to roll with myself those things became less of an issue for me because the things that often set me off, weren't happening.

see what I did there?

Once you stop comparing yourself you can indulge in the supremely delicious feeling of freedom. Feel free to wear something outlandish, do something silly in public, laugh too loud, dance in the aisle at the grocery store, wear a hat with a fucking bird on it.

Basically be the way it feels GOOD to be.

For me that means sometimes I wear funny clothes and really bright make up.

When I let go of the want to compare myself to someone and just BE- I have always come out happier and healthier.

My self esteem rests on these things is what it boils down to:

Not comparing myself to the rest of mankind.
Letting myself be who I am with impunity.

That's where it all starts and ends for me my darlings.

Now hopefully if I don't forget there will be an outfit pic tomorrow because I look freaking cute today.

And more advice while I'm working through the ones I didn't answer in December.

And um...boobs.

Now your turn, tell me what helps your self esteem?

Homo Out.
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3 comments:

mccn said...

You are so full of smart stuff, I always sound like a tape stuck on infinite loop - but this is incredibly smart. The whole idea of needing to love and be confident about your own self, on your own terms - to me, this is the key to living a life that feels full and satisfying. And it's so fucking hard.

Sometimes, when I need help with that, I do as instructed and stand in front of my mirror and shout out that Shannon thinks I am fucking awesome. :)

One thing that has helped me was, perhaps paradoxically, to treat myself like another person. I tried to see my body through my eyes as if I'd met myself, and my habits and mind and intentions, as well. I came to realize, if I met myself, I'd kinda like me, and I'd treat me well. So I tried to follow through on that!

Trabbs said...

I agree with mccn, both on the "you are so full of smart stuff" stuff and on the treating myself like another person. When I get down on myself about something I try to imagine what I would think and say if it was one of my dear friends in that situation. I know it wouldn't occur to me to call them stupid or lazy or nuts. Genuinely trying to be your own best friend is a great thing.

On a much more mundane level, it's amazing what a hot shower and change into clean clothes can do to help get rid of the mental grime. It's just a symbol of starting fresh, I guess.

witchyvixen said...

You know, the hot shower thing? I read somewhere that a shower cleanses your aura of all the psychic debris you pick up from mingling with other humans. The author said that was why you get a drained, sinking feeling right after a shower followed by a perking up good feeling. BS? Maybe. But it's something to think about.

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