Wednesday, January 06, 2010

This is not how it works.

The question of the day comes from a dude type reader and our homie b1ade says:

...seen the pics of your nails on flikr they look like great sex tools, I enjoy sex more with women who have long natural nails worse still if you have long nails and a big butt so much so that women without nails or a sexy butt have a harder time getting me aroused. Do you use yours during sex, if so how? How can I kick this obssession/fetish?

Thank you, I love my nails but they are less sex tools than they are protein based accoutrement that sometimes I have and sometimes I don't.

As for the other bit of your question, I'm warning you I'm going to be a little harsh.

Just so we're all on the same page here let's get a few things straight.

I have no issue with having a fetish. I have some, lots of people have them and enjoy them.

I do take issue when the fetish overrides the humanity and whole being of the person you're with.

And I'm not going to give you details on how I do or don't use my nails during sex because (and I may be wrong here) your tone makes me think you want free fap material which I'm not super into giving right now.

Now I was going to answer your question after a great deal of thought but, b1ade you ruined it with this.

Take some more pics plz darling and post them on your flickr site especially some of your sexier ass lips and nails very sexy hands. Ok that's too much of the sex word. Imaaa stop looking at your pictures. Spk soon send me an email plz and I'll send you a picture. You probably hink I'm one of these weird looking geek guy, well I got a surprise for you I am-lol That was supposed to be I Am-Not! Think you be pleasently surprised by my picture.(maybe a little conseited. Please email me back on [redacted]. muahhh by for now

Yes there are pictures of me on the internet. And I do appreciate the compliment. I happen to like my lips and nails as well.

Now I am not new to the internets nor having strangers see my pictures so let me break a few things down for you and anyone else who sees a picture of someone they think is hot and expects instant sexification.

1.) I do not approve of strangers trying to be sexual or sexually familiar with me. I do not know you that fucking well and quite frankly this note came off as entitled and dickish.

2.) I don't care what you look like I am not available for your sexual pleasure.

3.) I am not in the business of providing sexual stimuli for free for you because you are a dude on the internets.

Now let me explain some things about the three things mentioned above.

I realize that there is a fetish for everything, no matter what a person takes a picture of once they put it on the internets someone somewhere will probably find it sexually stimulating and I really don't care.

Fap away to pictures of whatever you want to. Save em to your harddrive and wail away until you're chapped.

But do not expect the person in those pictures (me or anyone else) to partake in your adventures simply because the pictures are there.

Now if you do want to talk to someone in a picture you found there are better ways of going about it.

For instance:

Let's say I see a picture of someone and think to myself holy fucking wow HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWT.

I would (if I were looking that is) send a note that says something like hello, I saw you picture at xxx and think you are pretty freaking awesome.

If the person responds in a positive fashion go forth from there.

This sort of thing is just rude and I don't like it.

My rule for contacting people I don't know is not to say things to them that I think would get me slapped or kicked in the nuts for face to face.

Now in general let's get a few things straight about Nudiemuse world.

In my universe I have no problem if you think I'm hot enough to get you tingly in your naughty bits. No problem whatever.

I have no problem if you want to tell me (but if your thing is toes don't tell me, for the love of fluffy bunnies don't tell me cause toe/foot fetish kinda grosses me out) that my picture or words made you tingly.

I do have a problem if you expect some kind of reciprocation or expect that I will be so excited I'm going to send you free noodz. Not happening.

I do like to flirt. I'm a dyed in the wool flirt and have been forever. with some people I like to flirt in a dirty manner. There are friends of mine whom I say inappropriate for mixed company things to because it makes us all smile and that's great.

But if I don't know you like that, not cool.

And you know I don't know you like that if you've only ever seen my picture and read my blog a few times.

If you are a blog reader then you know I'm happily partnered with a dude who goes by the moniker of Uniballer.

If I am going to provide anyone with dedicated fap material (pictures in this case) I am not doing it for free.

Yep, you want private special pictures be prepared to pay. There are special people who get freebies but if you haven't already you're not one of them.

Yeah I may or may not do a little web whoring. (See the link there for Tasty Trixie's Webwhore Manifesto which I love, also I kinda love her and her partner Delia too NSFW obviously)

Now to enter a dialogue with someone you think is sexypants the simple rules are easy.

Don't say things you would probably not say to their face.
Be respectful.
Don't assume that a person who flaunts their sexy is available to you for anything at all.

See easy peasy.

In other news.

I really do not feel good and think I have a cold coming on and I am not down with that because it's all in my fucking ears.

Tomorrow or Friday depending on how much sleep I get and whether or not this is an actual cold type situation going on in my head advice for a recent divorcee (do people even use that word anymore) on getting back into the dating and boinking.

AND a two outfit outfit post because it's been not ass dropping off cold and I have worn some cute stuff. With reviews of Old Navy, a revisit to the We Love Colors stripey tights AND BOOT NEWS!!

Also this weekend I will be posting two new essays in the shop. One about the first time I ever squirted and another about almost running away to Quebec to be a prostitute.

There are also some drug related misadventure essays coming AND one about my hair that may come with pictures I'm still experimenting with that.


Oh righto the essay store is here. I still haven't put in a permalink yet or made a banner of some sort. Those are on my to do list. And remember if you do buy one you MUST click return to merchant to get yer essay.

With that I am going to take some cold drugs and eat brown rice.

Homo Out.


Twistie said...

You know, I have found it just plain a good idea in nearly every human interaction to ask myself first if saying/writing/smoke signaling something will get me slapped in the face or kicked in the (non-existent) balls.

It's a pity this dude has to learn it the hard way from a Nudiemuse smackdown...but I'm highly entertained right now.

Feel better soon, dear.

witchyvixen said...

Wow. Just... wow.

witchyvixen said...

Yanno, if I were trying to entice someone to send me pictures...

Spellchecker takes like two seconds and it even helps you spell the words. If the person asking for pictures couldn't be bothered to put forth even that tiny bit of effort, why should the person they want pictures from bother to put forth any effort at all?

Everyone makes mistakes, but gee whiz dude.

Just sayin'.

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