Now just so we are all on the same page here the office does have my medical records. Included in those medical records are the results of a ridiculous amount of tests I had to take with my last doctor who could not believe that the fatass isn't diabetic or about to keep over from high blood pressure.
She had scientific medical evidence that I am not about to die of the fat, that my current medical issues are ones I have had since I was a child and whatnot. That is where I am coming from here.
I digress for a minute but if the American health care system is so goddamn good and doesn't need any fixing how is it that an insured working person has such a hard time finding adequate fucking care?
I had made a list of concerns I have right now. The big one being my level of fatigue and insomnia. Both are things I have struggled with pretty much my whole life.
It has never made a huge difference what I was eating, how much I have or have not been exercising. I had just as bad insomnia when I weighed about 110 as I do now that I weigh I think around 175 or so. Being that this is something that I have dealt with for decades at this point (medically documented years at that) I have a (perhaps unusually) firm grasp on my history and what has and hasn't mad a difference.
The NP I was speaking to immediately without asking any questions told me that I must not be able to sleep because I'm too heavy.
She then went on to recommend an exercise schedule that if I adhered to it I would in all likelyhood a.)injure myself due to my existing knee and back problems and b.) I would either have to eat way more than I do normally in order to maintain normal blood sugar levels or I would have to allow my body to go into starvation mode.
I pointed both of these things out which she brushed off in a manner that apparently was supposed to infer that I am just lazy. I told her to look at my chart and that part of the discussion was dropped.
She then offered to get me prescription weightloss drugs to make my "journey to health" easier.
Normally I'm a calm patient but I admittedly lost my shit a little bit.
Now with my particular history she wanted me to take something that could possibly-
* Increased heart rate
* Increased blood pressure
* Insomnia (inability to sleep or stay asleep)
* Excessive thirst
* Stuffy nose
* Dry mouth
Possible side effects from Webmd.
Um..what the bloody FUCK ARE YOU ON ABOUT YOU STUPID ASSHOLE..is what I thought. Not what I said.
I was familiar with all of those symptoms so I asked if it's really a good idea to give a chronic insomniac who already has bowel problems and a history of addiction to speedy drugs, diet pills?
I said it all very slowly, dead pan almost and there was yet another long silence and I finally said thanks for your time and hung up.
Being that this is not the first time I've had this type of conversation with a doctor I'm at a point where I need to make a choice for the sake of my health.
Aside from yearly ladyparts visits do I really want to waste more of my time and quite honestly my sanity trying to find a doctor who isn't a total asshole or who doesn't seem to understand that I am a Fat Black HUMAN BEING who needs care not lectures or do I do some major self care.
I believe I'm on the way to the latter.
The fact is that while yes I understand that zomgobesity!! can cause people problems, my fat is not causing me problems.
I am not unwell because I am fat.
I am not unwell because I am ignorant.
I am unwell because well fuck I'm unwell. I am unwell because my body does some stuff that is not normal or good for me.
And I don't want to be treated for issues I don't have.
I don't want to have drugs I can't afford and don't want to take pushed on me.
I want good care that I don't have to fight tooth and nail for.
I want to be able to trust a health care professional with my FUCKING LIFE and not feel that I'm being deceived or dismissed.
So my point here is that a.) this is NOT OKAY. and b.) I am going to take more charge of my own wellness.
To that end, I am going to start keeping a sleep or no sleep journal. If I make it public I'll post a link.
Basically what I'm going to do are take some of the things that have helped me out in the past and tweak them until I can get at least 5 hours of solid sleep and then go from there.
I am also going to (groan..boo..hiss) reintroduce yoga into my life. Gently so I don't get pissed off.
I will keep you folks updated on my situation here.
Now if you'll excuse me I need water and something to eat.