I was flipping through a magazine the other day and again was struck by the many promises of every diet pill and weightloss thing out there.
Now the messages are always the same when they are targeted to women.
You get skinny and suddenly the sun comes out, there are men dropping at your feet, your hair is luxurious, everyone wants you. Your whole life becomes an exercise in awesome.
They never mention that this pill might give you the shits if you eat the wrong thing, or that if you do this diet and workout plan you might hurt yourself.
But what I tend to be more concerned with is the idea that you, that who you are fundamentally deep down in your guts is going to miraculously change when you lose weight.
I have said it before and will say it again.
If you are a 350 pound asshole you will probably be a 200 pound asshole.
So many of these weightloss and dieting schemes don't take into account the damage done when you've lived with shame and self hatred for a long long time.
I had a friend when I was a youngster who went on this insane diet and lost a shitload of weight.
Did she look great in her "after" phase?
Yes she did.
Supposedly she felt great but at some point when the eye candy started to wear thin and the thrill of pulling on size 7 jeans started to become normal she fell right back into self loathing.
And she got a whole new flavor of self hatred, failure.
Everytime her weight fluctuated she felt like she was the biggest piece of shit ever.
If she got bloated she would punish herself.
If her jeans were a little tight one day she'd punish and really rip herself a new one about it.
How is that good?
She is not unique in that experience. I have had friends who had bariatric surgery, friends with eating disorders, friends who did Jenny Craig, friends who've done it all (and a few I've done myself) and after the transitory triumph of suddenly being a whole new you, you realize that you're not really a whole new you.
You're the same you with your insecurities and neurosis in your size 7 jeans that you were when you were wearing your size 18 jeans.
This is why I personally advocate learning to love yourself first.
Learn to love yourself enough to want to take good care of the body you're trucking around the universe in.
Maybe you'll stay fat maybe you won't.
It speaks more of wellness to me when a person treats their body with love and care than it does when someone can wear a smaller size of pants.
When I finally learned to start working hard on loving myself and my body I realized that how big my ass is or isn't, isn't the point.
I had to learn what it means to me to be well.
And I had to learn that what wellness looks like for me is something way different than what it looks like for someone else and that's okay.
We have got to learn that what works for one won't be awesome for another.
We have got to learn that there is no one perfect image of health and wellness.
So before you go spending your money on diet aids and pills and things that promise you a whole new life take a step back and get happy.
So I'm a little drugged up on antihistemines so I just blew my load there so to speak.
New essays this week and my banner.
I'm also almost done with my new and improved links page.
And um...well shit do a little booty dance because it's Tuesday and asses need to be shook.