Monday, June 14, 2010

Fetishes, fat and oh my.

A newer reader sent me a few questions that I am DELIGHTED to answer.

I will call our new homies, NewHomie for our purposes here since this person would like to remain anonymous.

In reference to this entry about fat, sexiness etc here are NewHomie's questions in a slightly condensed version.

First question from NewHomie:
...[snip] I got the impression that you might be against fetishes...

Oh no dear NewHomie. I not only lovingly but enthusiastically encourage fetishes.

If big flat feet get your motor running I'm happy. If you like a big butt and you can't deny* HELL YES get your groove on.

I will have a problem with whatever fetish if it when other human beings become simply objects to fulfill a desire without their consent in the matter. At the point where your fetish completely becomes mastubatory (in this case as in has nothing or little to do with your partner(s) as human beings who are more than just whatever you've fetishized, then I am bothered.

I will say though that if your partner(s) is cool with that then have at it.

Next question from NewHomie is:

How do you feel about people's presences for dating?

Generally speaking I don't care who wants to date whom. In the big picture of life who someone else wants to date has not a damn thing to do with me unless I'mt rying to date them or they are trying to date me.

I do take issue sometimes with the way people express it.

I have a problem when ones own personal preference suddenly means that no one that you don't find attractive can be attractive in any way. Much like the whole "Real Women have curves" thing bugs me.

"Real" women come in all sorts of interesting permuations and I would much rather celebrate oh YAY WOMEN than one specific type of woman.

So when it comes to how someone presents their preferences this is what I don't like.

"Only redheads with small boobs are hot all other women suck."

That is not awesome.

No single person is the sole arbiter of hotness. Despite what some people might think they just aren't.

I fully believe that given the vast diversity of humans, there is similarly a vast diversity of what qualities in another person gives people the special tingle.

Furthermore, in regular life (I am not talking about the fashion industry, Hollywood etc) it's really unimportant to people whether or not you find them fuckable.

Granted there are a lot of people who crave and need the affirmation from everyone that they are in fact fuckable, the reality is in my mind that it's not that big a damn deal.

Being really attractive doesn't make you smarter or a better person.

You can be the most gorgeous creature ever and still be an asshole.

On a personal level I think it's silly to discount any number of folks because they aren't instantly your type. It can be so hard to find someone, why limit yourself to redheads with four freckles you know?

The point is this as it so often is. Don't be a douche. Or if you're going to be a douche engage in that with someone in a consensual manner.

If you want to have eleventybillion fetishes YAY go on with your bad self. Just remember, treat your partner(s) with the respect they deserve.

You can enjoy whomever you please, fat, thin, inbetween and seven at a time, but don't try and impose your preferences on me or the rest of the world because it's just not cool.

That's about it my darlings. I need some dinner and to cruise Ravelry for some patterns.

Little housekeeping note, you can now find permanent links to the essay store and the free fiction download areas over there on your right. And I finally figured out how to show that google connect widget thing so you can do that too if you're so inclined.

Homo Out.
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