Monday, June 28, 2010

Oh right I'm supposed to hate myself.

First thing before I forget I had a new piece of fiction published last week. Short smutty and tasty over here at Sleep. Snort. Fuck.

I received a fairly reproachful anonymous note about how I shouldn't be so comfortable being in my skin what with "so much going against" me. Being Black, fat, queer, weird you know all that stuff that essentially makes me who I am.

I believe that this person wasn't trolling but was being earnest and it makes me terribly sad.

It is so ingrained in our society that one is never supposed to be content or Gods forbid fucking happy. Something always must need improvement.

We are supposed to be self deprecating and find something, any little (or not so little thing) that we can publicly claim is as yet imperfect and therefore we must improve ourselves.

This is fucking bullshit.

And I believe that it's important to facilitate this bullshit in order to keep the dollars flowing for things like the weightloss industry.

Because really, if someone feels good and makes the decision to do good things for themselves how likely are they to buy the latest greatest ass shrinking pill?

Think about it from a marketing perspective.

How do you market something predicated on the idea that your body, yes yours personally is horrifying. That you absolutely must be depressed and feel shitty because your body is how your body is.

Take a person who has low self esteem, or poor body image (which let's face it is a lot of us) and marketing to them is easy.

Show them not only fitness gurus, but show them Ellie from AL who's a stay at home Mom who's so busy and wait, check her out look how much weight she's lost.

Now if you're in a vulnerable spot you might linger on that after picture. You don't think about the likelihood that there were probably dozens and dozens of "before" pictures where Ellie looked radiant and happy, where her husband or whomever was looking at her like she is Mother Fucking Christmas. And being that Ellie has kids, we can assume she is having sex with someone.

But no.

We see her looking miserable, she probably has no make up on, her hair is uncombed, we all have that picture around somewhere. And she must be cast in a light that says OH SHIT SHE"S FUCKING FAT.

And then after wards she looks glorious doesn't she?

Her hair is all done, she's got make up on. She probably has on some killer heels which lift the booty, she's sucking it in hard, hands on hips, tits up booty out back straight.

She's tan and she is fucking awesome right?

You look at that and think, well if Ellie from Alabama can do it I can too.

Your eyes glaze over a little and you really believe it. Your eyes are so glazed that you don't see the teeny tiny * next to Ellie's picture.

You also don't see the teeny tiny * at the bottom of the page which very seriously informs you that Ellie's results are atypical. That these claims have not been evaluated yadda yadda.

See just how easy that is?

Now, try marketing all that to someone who thinks they are fucking awesome.

Think about it, how can the people who use those tactics in particular convince someone who is feeling pretty damn good, that there's something wrong?

They try saying, you're great you're perfect you're wonderful except...

There's always something isn't there?

Personally I say fuck that and the fucking horse it rode in on.

For me if I'm coming from a place of hey I'm feeling pretty awesome, what can I do to feel more awesome? Great.

For instance. We all know that I am a glamor and beauty junkie. I own a fuck ton of make up and why do i wear it?

Being colorful or sparkly in the face area makes me happy. And I like feeling fancy so, I own a fuck ton of make up.

So, if you want to work out feel free.

If you wanna have a piece of pie, have a piece of pie.

If you wanna wear something that makes you feel sexy, get your sexy on.

The bottom line in my head is shit.

Do what makes you feel awesome.

It's subversive and a sneaky fuck you to everyone who'll tell you that you're supposed to hate yourself.

Come from a place of loving yourself and making yourself feel fancy.

Be nice to yourself and it'll be super easy to be nice to others.

Yes, this is homework.

Go forth, frolic and be awesome my homies and haters.

And OMG HI CLINT Fabulouspants.

Homo Out.

1 comment:

Joy said...

I've been following your blog for a while now (both unofficially and officially) and I must say that you always take the words right out of my mouth. All of the stuff that you have going "against" you (according to anonymous), are all the reasons why I continue to read your posts.
We are conditioned to a great extent to believe that anything about ourselves that's "undesirable" should be fixed--well, first there's the public shaming and guilt, then there's the fixing-- all in the attempt to be normal by another person's standards.
This is another thing I find amusing, that the very one's who try to point out how screwed up you are and "help" you with their good intentions rarely take their own advice (as they are probably equally screwed up as well).
Anyway, I just think it's a messed up system. Continue being your awesome self. That is all.

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