It's almost Pride week here in Seattle and I want to tell you guys about the first time I ever felt like a grown up sexy ass real woman.
Now the players here involve yours truly at age 20, an enormously tall drag queen, a little roving gang of baby butch dykes and lots of other gay folks.
So there I was, 20 years old and I wanted to go to my first Pride. I had this pair of pants which were the only pants I'd ever had to that point that I wore tight as hell and felt like sex on a stick wearing. So I had my tight boot cut black pants and I felt like holy hell I have a booty.
I also had (and I would seriously kick a hippy to get my hands on another one) a nude lace tank trimmed with maribou. What made this tank special was that the nude layer was brown. Pretty much the exact color of my skin. That is a rare thing kinda like seeing a unicorn actually poop rainbows.
I also was very into my accessories so I had my sparkly cheap and tacky crystal choker on (oh yes, I rocked some gigantic faux bling), a pyramid sudded belt with a trucker girl on it. And some big ole stompy boots.
I rode the bus and felt Mother Fucking Fabulous. It was a first for me. Generally at that age I did not show a lot of skin. I did not wear tight clothes and I damn sure did not wear all of those together.
Looking back I can say honestly that I went to Pride for two reasons.
1.) To hang out with my homos.
2.) To see if I was attractive enough to pick someone up for some hot monkey sex.
At the time I would've denied it but I wanted to know.
I was usually not the one in my group of friends getting hit on when we went out. I figured I was the fat girl that people would want to talk to and often talk to in order to get to my (in my mind) hotter friends.
So I went to Pride gussied up and looking for some hot sexxing.
I remember getting off of the bus and seeing so many attractive people in various states of naked and feeling like I should have turned around and gone right back home. I was so intimidated.
Instead I held my head up (and I don't know where I picked this up but it's something that's been in my head since I was a kid, probably from my drag queen babysitters) I did my I am a hot mother fucker walk.
Head up, tits out, booty out.
I walked around like that until it felt more real and then I encountered the ginormously tall and incredibly beautiful drag queen who left her post in front of a store front to stop me and tell me,
"You are the most gorgeous little thing."
With the drag queen was one of those muscly gorgeous men who seem to only exist in Tom of Finland land. That link, totes NSFW. I'm talking jaw dropping, holy shit kind of stacked hot man ass. And some very adorable grabby baby butch dykes who charmed me with gropes and kisses.
That hot man asked to take a picture with me in which he wrapped an arm around me and at some point my hand wound up on his crotch and his hand down the front o my shirt. I would pay money if someone could find those pics in the vast internets because this was pre-digital camera.
I hung out with Gorgeous ManAss for a lot of the afternoon and at some point he took me into a little doorway where (this was a first for me as well) he told me in deliciously explicit detail how much he wanted to sling me over his shoulder, take me to his place and fuck me senseless. Then make me breakfast.
He told me everything about me that turned him on. He told me that I could tie him up or fuck him in the ass. He told me he would invite friends if I was up for it.
For the first time in my life I felt like I was the hot girl. I felt like some kind of evil sex goddess and it was fucking fantastic.
It was as if someone had pulled a large chunk of the fantasies in my head and broadcast them to people I would have never thought would even give me another look much less make it happen.
And happen it did.
There was a quick trip to the (gone and missed) Pink Zone for lube and off I went with that big gorgeous hunk of bisexual manass to have a hell of a good time.
Hindsight being what it is, that experience was important to me for a number of reasons.
I was just starting to form my beliefs about my own sexuality and what was and wasn't okay for me. 90% of my friends had such radically different views from mine about sex and relationships I wasn't quite there with using my own views instead of other folks.
This experience also taught me a valuable lesson about confidence.
If you get to the point where even in those dark corners of your brain you believe that you are The Hot Shit, other people will notice. And that is an attractive thing.
And not least of all it was my first really kinky sexual experience.
I had been reading queer erotica for years at that point and thought that the kind of stuff that turned me on only happened in my brain and the brains of the authors I was reading. No where in my most perverted imaginings did I think that I would ever EVER do the things I kept fantasizing about.
That experience opened the Doors of my own Sexual (mis)Adventures in the most wonderful not wholesome, nasty (oh yes, it was nasty there was no romance there and that had been exactly what I wanted) sex that right then I decided I wanted to keep having.
Afterwards I remember writing in my diary that (I wasn't quite to fat acceptance yet that was to come in time) even though I was so fat that I felt good and I wanted to keep feeling good.
More than a decade later I'm a little bit fatter, way kinkier and well damn it I am still a hot piece of ass and getting hotter with age if I must say so myself.
I wish I could do a quick run back in time, give that scared and turned on girl the big thumbs up and maybe remind her that going from few penises to gigantic penis, should have maybe been a slower process.
Now how about a little HNT? It's been awhile and I took this the other day but it totes still counts.
My Nekkid Chubby knees. To celebrate my first real leg shaving, and the fact that I rocked it with bare legs even though I was cold just because I felt like it.
Okay now I have some writing to do.
And remember you can still get my free fiction (see link to your right) and you can still buy essays. If you buy an essay please remember to click the return to merchant to get it.
And to you dear reader who donated thank you so much. I am humbled that you were moved to do that.
Now, go forth frolic and enjoy your evening my darlings.
And remember Shannon Loves you.
I totally made my first official item for my etsy store. A beautiful blue/purple varigated shawl. I am terribly excited.
Also exciting, later this month more free fiction but it'll be SMUT!
Okay now I'm really off.