Thursday, July 01, 2010

Bitch please.

Today will not bring you decorous language nor will it bring you reasonable language.

Hence the title there.

There are times when it is most excellent to be reasonable and polite in how you talk to people. There are times when you can say something with nary an fbomb dropped and frankly there are times when it's time to let it out.

And today my beautiful darlings is one of those days.

Earlier today I was confronted vie email for not only having no interest in an (fucking facebook) acquaintances "Biggest Loser" thing she wants to start, I also (and let me toot my own horn here, despite exhaustion and migraine anger I was polite, educational and everything) refuted her entire reasoning etc I got a series of butthurt responses to which I could only answer bitch please.

In a nutshell her tactics after my first no thanks, were as follows. Not verbatim but close enough.

"But don't you want to be sexy for your man?"

"Don't you want to have a bikini body?"

You get the drift here.

Being that this person is a friend of a friend I politely informed her that I a.) don't subscribe to the idea that it's at all in my best interest to lose weight by any means. b.) Her approach is insulting. c.)No thank you.

After another email I explained that I feel like insisting that women conform to a single standard of "hotness" is absolutely dis-empowering and her using empowerment based language offends the fuck out of me.

Again she gave me more reasons to join up and finally I lost patience and responded to her back handed complimenting as follow, verbatim.

Bitch please.

There is nothing she (or anyone else at this point in time) can tell me along the theme that I must change myself in order to be loved or wanted that is going to make me do it.

Now she claimed that just because a "few people" read my blog that doesn't mean that I should be so content to which I say, bitch please.

The fact is that the more bullshit I have shed like itchy skin, the freer I've felt, the easier it's been to love myself and ultimately to love other people.

Fancy that.

Fancy that I have come to a point (and it would have happened blog or no blog) where I can say okay self you are not doing too good today here's a cup of tea.

I am at a point in my life where I won't even put up with the very idea that there is something terribly wrong with the size of my ass and thus, to make everyone else feel good I must be working to change said size of my ass.

Fuck that.

Fuck that, fuck you and fuck the whole fucking idea.

If I had my camera or was feeling more perky I might give you a picture of my feelings around this kind of thing.

There are few ways to piss me off that are quicker than people trying so damn hard to make me love myself less.

So you'll have to picture the punk rockness.

I also encourage you to assume a similar pose, for just a second.

So if you can, stand up feet shoulder width apart or wider. Whatever makes you feel planted and good.

With one hand, grab your crotch.

With the other hand, raise your middle finger high.

Sid Viscious sneer is optional.

Now repeat after me, "fuck you"

If you don't want to do the whole pose, go ahead and give the finger I won't tell anybody.

I am honestly really not into continuing to calmly explain why I don't want to do something. If you (as in the pushy group you here) want me to do something that is clearly not something I want to do, and you do in fact care about me for fuck sake take no for an answer.


Now if y'all will excuse me I'm going to try and eat something, have some more migraine drugs and hope I don't start yelling because the answer to almost every question anyone asks me is yes, bitch please.

Homo Out.

PS..a picture of me giving the finger in case you can't bring yourself to do it.

An old outfit, RIP to those boots.



Joanne said...

You are amazing just how you are. You are hot and awesome. And thank you thank you thank you for being willing to stand up and say "Bitch Please" at someone who wanted to make you feel bad just to make herself feel good.

You rock all holy.

witchyvixen said...

I did the full blown Sid Vicious special.

"Don't you want to be sexy for your man?" Another way to say that is, "You are not sexy for your man right now." No genius, I may not be sexy for YOU right now but my man is doing fine. And BTW that is soooo not your business. You said it best, "bitch please".

"Don't you want a bikini body?" Motherfucker I GOT a bikini body right now! My bikini may be bigger than yours, but that's how we tell them apart. This bikini yours, this here bikini mine.


And you had to deal with this on the migraine train? I'm a former sufferer, so I can empathize. I think you did remarkably well. I get the whole being enthused about a new project for yourself, I get wanting your friends to do it with you. However, I tend to respond negatively (with yelling and throwing things) to this kind of strong arm recruitment. "I hope you have fun but that's not for me", should be E-fucking-NUFF.

I love ya Shannon, I got all kinds of prayers and good vibes and shit out there for you. May the migraine begone and never darken your head again.

Solemn Reverie said...

I like those boots...

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