Wednesday, July 28, 2010

My Uterus and her liminal universe.

Buckle up I'm only going to give warning once.

Today I am going to be talking about menstruation. Blood, cramps, pussy and things so if you're at all squeamish skip it today.



So I just had quite possibly one of the worst periods I have ever had in my life. I have been menstruating for a touch over twenty years.

TWO decades.

Pretty much everything that can happen while menstrating happened and it was all bad.

My joints, back and hips were burning. I had huge cramps. I passed gigantic clots. I bled heavily. I had that sort of equilibrium fucking up type migraine, I got the speed guts. I wanted to both sob with absolute despair and murder everyone.

Holy shit.

I have never, ever in my life had a moment where I wanted to call in sick to work because of my fucking period. Not ever and it kind of fucked me up for a hot minute.

I have never had my body quite go there before. I have had some hellacious cramps, I have bled heavily but I have never had it all going on at once. I kept having this mental image of my Uterus as ring leader in some fucked up circus.

Moving it along.

I am a tampon lover and user.

I hate pads and only use them in emergencies.

And let's talk about the nine thousand variations of menstrual cups.

Like many other woman centric things, what we use to keep the menstrual mess to a minimum, or don't use can become hugely political and quite frankly all of the arguments piss me off.

I have seen women who normally get along and want to pump their fists for being feminists or just FUCK YEAH WOMEN, I have seen these women attack each other for making choices regarding their own genitalia and comfort way more often than I care for.

There are pros and cons to every method of dealing with your period from ignoring it, to taking birth control to change your cycle etc etc.

In my life I have tried many many different ways of dealing with menstrual blood.

I went through a free bleeding phase and ruled that out due to mess and not being able to just stay home. I also never bled light enough for it not to be an issue.

I was forced to use pads for a long time. And I hated them. I hate them still. I hate the feeling, I hate my ladyjunk being all squashed, I hate that the fabric often pulls out my pubic hair or causes my labia to chafe. Do. Not. Fucking. Want.

I tried the period reducing birth control. I learned that a.)doctors are not always more right than 90% of the bio-women in my family and b.) screwing around with my hormones even a little bit causes the entire Liminal Shannonverse to implode and I go insane.

So then I went back to my trusted and beloved tampons until a girlfriend (as in the we were sexin each other type of girlfriend) introduced me to menstrual cups.

Perhaps it is because I'm a little obsessive about doing Kegals and always have been, maybe my vagina is in fact a sentient being, or my vagina is just not shaped for cup comfort but holy wow the menstrual cup thing was a mega fail.

I tried different brands, different sizes, I tried cutting a stem off here and there, I tried repositioning. I tried having the girlfriend help me get it in place and no.

My cunt rejected that shit out right.

My cervix said bitch please.

The walls of my pussy said bitch please.


Now normally when I am on my period my crotch in general is sore. Not the awesome I had some good lovin' kind of sore but the unpleasant someone has their foot on my cunt kind of sore and cups did not work well for this.

Years went by.

I tried again and had the same experience. Now the second time around I thought there was just something wrong with my vagina and I went to my gyno who told me that it's not that big a deal. Do what makes me comfortable.

Stop for a second.

I think this message is one that needs to be repeated to everyone who talks about womens health.

Do what makes you feel comfortable.

This is where I tend to feel a huge disconnect within woman centric spaces.

Feminists, Womanists, Humanists etc this is what we need to agree upon.

What makes my ladyarea happy may not be what makes yours happy and that is just fine. Me choosing to use tampons does not give anyone free reign to be pissed off. M

My pussy doesn't belong to you or anyone else so if you want to take issue with what I do with it, keep it to your goddamn self.

Now that's it.

I'm done bleeding for the month thank you Uterus for your performance, you are Queen Bitch Empress of your entire universe and I'm sorry I ever doubted you.

Whether or not you have a vagina, do remember that it's not your place to decide what happens in or around other vaginas.

Homo Out.


Meems said...

Fuck yes, I needed to read this right about now. I got a Mirena IUD put in in January, and since then I've bled for 8 days every 3 weeks (formerly 4 days every 4 weeks). Given that this is supposed to be a bleeding-reducing bc, I am not happy.

I have some thinking to do.

beatfreak said...

*fist bump*

I am so with you. I tried the Diva Cup and that shit hurt so bad. I too hate pads, so I have settled on the one thing I like and that's the Instead cup.

I really wish some women would get their noses out of the crotch of others (unless you are bringing pleasure to said other) and allow people to just be.

Lauren said...

IOh, my god, Shannon -- I am dying of laughter here. Because you are all up and through my world when the Evil Period comes...

Thank you .so. fucking much! You have put into words exactly what my Hell on Earth is like. And you're absolutely right -- those stupid cups are Made. Of. Fail. I don't care if tampons are 'phallic', they do the job and don't pull cunty hairs. They don't cause me to have to buy new underwear because the others are now ruined due to excessive bloodstains. Yes.

Continue rocking. That is all.

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