What is so important?
My friends, the issue is my ass.
But wait, before I get to talking about my ass there is new short n smutty fiction up by me over at amphibi.us go check it out.
There are certain things about my ass that have been historically unchanged. No matter what size I've been.
First thing is I do not have a badonkadonk. A fatass I may be but a fat booty I do not posses.
It is one of the parts of my body I have had to make a reluctant peace with. I have long envied the round butts of your average video girl. For a long time I felt as if I had denied some essential part of my experience in this body.
I recall as part of an insane work out plan I undertook in my early twenties I was going to reshape and rebuild my ass. I did a fuck load of squats, weighted squats and other exercises that were as the hype promised (and the very expensive personal trainer I hired) guaranteed to give me a hard round booty.
Like many other promises one hears in the gym, when you buy exercise equipment, when you buy a new pair of goddamn jeans- your ass will be "better".
The results of my serious diet and exercise routine was that my ass did indeed become a ball of hard muscle that was the same shape it was to begin with.
My ass was not co operating with the plan.
Was it muscly? Yes.
Was it fine? Yes it was.
But it was not what I had been promised nor what I was expecting.
See at that time I fully embraced the idea pushed by the diet and exercise industry that if I just tried hard enough I could have a whole new body that if I tried hard enough I could maintain and it would change my life.
My whole "new" body included a shitload of muscle that at some point when I was weighed I got a lengthy lecture about my weight gain and dieting tips. The doctor did not take care to take into account the large amount of muscle mass I was gaining.
Because of the way my particular body functions, no matter what I did I did not get ripped. I did not achieve the apotheosis of ass that I was promised would be the reward of hard and ultimately damaging work outs.
My ass remained the same shape. Brown, kinda jiggly, a modest curve to the butt cheek. There was still the one bit of a dimple in my right buttcheek, I still rarely filled out a pair of panties or jeans in a way that satisfied me.
My ass became my sworn enemy.
I decided in a fit of upset that if I couldn't have a big ole round booty of the type that I favor in other women, I would have a tiny tight booty.
I changed my workouts, I changed my diet and well nothing happened.
My ass stayed almost exactly the same except for a slight sag because I lost about fifteen pounds very quickly.
At some point during all this madness I had made friends with a lady body builder at my gym and I seriously envied her body. She was tall and fucking mighty with this round ass of steel that yes, on occasion I fondled.
She and I had lunch once and she told me something that no one to that date, especially not anyone super into fitness had ever told me.
She said and I remember this verbatim:
"Maybe you're just not made that way."
As many of us have heard, any body is possible if gosh darn it you just work at it hard enough.
And yet, time and again in my life and probably your lives too the opposite has been proven.
After that I started trying to figure this out.
I had followed all of the expensive advice. I paid for the extra time with a trainer, I did what I was supposed to do religiously and yet...my results were not what I wanted, what I had trained for nor what I was told I could do.
Later when I'd scaled down my work outs and was gaining some weight, a trainer at that gym questioned my "commitment to fitness".
That was it for me.
That is when I broke up with pressure based gymes. That is when I broke up with the idea that if I just tried hard enough, I could reform my body.
I broke up with the idea that I had to reform my body.
My ass is not a fucking delinquent. My ass is not made to be big and round, nor is it made to be BAM ASS. It is what it is.
At 33 my ass is wider than it used to be by a bit. Oddly not much though I weigh a lot more now than I did then. In the last three years or so my booty has developed a little pleasant jiggle that I enjoy a lot.
Under the jiggle there is some strong muscle. All these years of my short legged, mid length stride walking have done a lil something something for my butt.
The curve of my buttcheeks fits smashingly into a good pair of panties.
My ass sometimes is in need of a good sound slap. Sometimes my ass is in need of a bite or a smooch.
And you know what?
I do still sometimes long for an epic booty.
But at the end of the day my ass is fine the way it is.
So I say to everyone who has had that moment of looking at or touching their own ass and decided that it is wrong.
Your ass is fine.
Tiny ass, fat ass, muscly ass, nondescript ass, ass of booty shake doom, no matter what state your ass is in, it's okay.
Be nice to it.
Okay I'm done talking about butts. Although if you haven't guessed by now I do actually really love butts. I do. Small, big, whatever. I think butts are awesome. I like smacking them. I like looking at them. I like appreciating them in all their varied ways of being.
So that's all.
I was going to post a picture of my clothed ass but I can't find one.
So now I say goodnight my darlings. Tomorrow my mostly done writing (as in not my personal blog writing) will be up and I'll post links.
And while I'm talking about fitness tomorrow I think I need to talk about exercise, trying to outfit myself in order to exercise and things. I also recommend that at some point tonight. in whatever way you're able take a booty shake break.