Pardon my unintended hiatus.
I've been in a weird headpsace and almost everything I've tried to write down in an way starts out okay then has devolved into what roughly translates as:
I'm mostly over it so can we talk about clothing for a minute?
I decided recently I'm going to get rid of all of my ill fitting pants which is to say almost all of them.
When it comes to pants I am very picky. I'm not a huge fan of denim. I like bootcut but not flared. I need a rise that will hit me round the belly button area for optimal comfort.
My issue with pants regardless of what size I've been has been the fact that I have big thighs, yes my hams are large. They were big when I weighed 110 and they are big now. Also I do not have a very round booty. So I need some stretch but not too much.
When I was younger my solution to the pants issue was to wear none or to wear mens pants that were really baggy so I didn't have to worry overmuch about the fit. I don't like wearing mens clothing these days save for the rare tie and button up and/or cardigan.
My top two contenders right now are the Black Twill bootcut pants from Torrid. And the plus size Perfect Khakis- bootcut version from Old navy.
I own a pair of size 16 Old Navy plus size pants and my ass absolutely swims in them. Matter of fact I actually kind of really hate them.
I used to own Torrid' plain black twill pants which fit me perfectly at the time. However I'm dubious about buying from torrid because the last three non-accessory things I got there were just so meh.
I'm really torn. Twill is warmer than khaki but I already have an idea about the ON quality which could very likely be way better than the Torrid quality.
It's a dilemma and I really don't want to waste time and/or money.
Speaking of wasting money. Y'all. I'm gonna have to buy the over the knee boots from Torrid on Black Friday. The quality like everything else at Torrid has gone way down hill but I love them so much.
This is one of those things that Marianne and Lesley have discussed on FatCast.
This is one of the shitty things about being a fat person sometimes.
Especially when you're a person with a particular aesthetic it can be horrifying when you know something is probably going to be crap quality but where else are you going to find it? If you listen both Marianne and Lesley can remember specific items of clothing from different stores and that is something I share.
Personally my big issue is that I don't really have mainstream aesthetics so when those holy shit where will I ever find that again in my size moments happen, they sting. Most often they sting because I can't afford whatever it is.
I started this on Friday and am sitting here conditioning my hair Sunday and figured I'd finish it.
Getting back to pants I remembered that I have a pair of Old Navy Perfect Khakis. They fit like magic in the ass/thighs but the low waist is a bit too small. Therefore I only wear them with long shirts. Because of that those are out. I am fairly certain that a 16 in those would make my ass sad.
But exciting news. Because I have an excellent and understanding partner he budgeted out a (to me) shitload of money so I can have brand new from the store pants.
Big deal for me.
I waffled about it but settled on the OMG THEY BETTER BE FUCKING AWESOME Torrid plain bootcut black twill pants. I seriously wore out three pairs of these and my last pair was unwearable as of spring. This is my favorite pant and I have emailed them begging for them to be brought back a few times a year for like three years.
I also bought a pair of jeggings. In Black of course. Those I plot to wear with the Annie OTK boots from Torrid as well because I have been lusting for them since they appeared and Uniballer promised I can has around Black Friday.
Our anniversary is in a couple of weeks but we're going to wait to do something so we can both get cute new outfits.
LOL at myself forever this is from Sunday and it's now Tuesday.
Moving it along.
Okay let me stop bullshitting.
I am still not sleeping that well on the regular.
This means that I spend a lot of time feeling exhausted, mean, angry and crazy.
Lots of angry and mean and crazy.
It's not really awesome.
See the thing is I sleep but it's not restful REM sleep. Or I get a little REM sleep but not enough to keep me from feeling crazy and mean.
When I feel like this I somehow convince myself that everyone hates me and that I should STFU about it.
Rationally I know not everyone hates me, but it's kind of difficult.
That being what it is, it becomes increasingly difficult for me to blog. Conversely (or perversely maybe) when I feel like this I go balls out with other writings.
The upshot is I'm going to be sporadic until I can get some rest.
I have no plans on getting medical help for the insomnia. My insomnia is bad enough that I am scared shitless of becoming addicted to sleep medications or using them long term. There are a lot of sleep medications that were prescribed as safe for daily use and as people got older bad things happened and that scares me.
So I'll keep on doing what I know to do. Some natural remedies, some nights just not sleeping.
Thank you for listening.
I love you my Homies.
More as I am able.