Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Daydreams.

I have to confess something.

Since I was a wee tot, I have daydreamed quite often about doing some kind of performance art.

For many many years I've had elaborate fantasies about making art and actually being art.

As I look back I realize that the proto ideas of integrating racial themes, the themes of having a non normative body etc have always been there. Honestly it kind of blows my mind.

I dabbled a little bit when I was a youngster.

However, I have to confess that when wanting to create something so intensely personal, I'm so shy.

I have over the years spent a lot of time reading the biographies of people who in my mind have lived incredible artistic lives and created art that I value intensely.

One of my current favorite artists (you can visit her site by clicking on in and scrolling to the bottom of the page to her banner) is Ugly Shyla.

I have followed her career (oh shit I hope I don't sound all crazy stalkery) for a really long time.

The thing I love about her is that even among supposed Alt whatever, she does not have the look that has pervaded the genre. I love that.

I honestly put Shyla on the list of people whom I personally find so fucking inspiring and who by the mere fact of them being around and doing what they do, help me make my slow ass progress towards doing art. I value that.

While I have the lust and the want to do these arty things that live in my head I just don't always know how to start.

I have a particular character flaw that causes me to often get bogged down in the intellectual. I sometimes use my intellect to dissuade myself from trying something because I don't know the mechanics or specific logistics of doing it.

There has also always been the economic aspect. I have never felt comfortable as a poor working person, being okay with spending money on X arty project. I have told myself that I'm just being creatively greedy or just an envious dick. It's taken a lot of time, effort and tears to come to a point where I can tell myself (because of course it doesn't matter what anyone else may say, I am my own biggest meaniehead) that god damn it I can try.

I am working on it.

Granted yes I do write. We know that. (Check out my self promotion for the month, go visit my new writing site located here)

I just feel like I have so much in my soul that I want to say to the world. That I want to show to the world that words, my beloved and heavily leaned on words are just not enough for.

I want fulfillment.

I want my lusty desires for art tickled.

I have shit to say.

I mostly want to do these things for myself. For the little girl I was. For the little girl I still am in a lot of ways.

So my homies, tell me what your seemingly impossible dreams are?

Posts will be..odd what with the Nanowrimo and all.

I will also most likely be posting later at night. At the moment I'm just staring at my novel and hating it a little.

Goodnight darlings.

Homo Out.
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2 comments:

maggiemunkee said...

sometimes i think we are twins, born a few years apart to different parents. ^_^

Haddayr said...

Lounge singer. Jazz standards.

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