So my darlings.
I'm still in the throes of nanowrimo but am not super into it right now. Meh.
In other news, my first piece of non-fiction I ever submitted to a magazine is getting published later this month. I'm so excited about it and so fucking proud of myself.
Here's the thing. I can blog all day long. I can tell y'all some really personal shit and it's all fine. However, I have this uh thing about submitting my essays. It feels so much more naked to me and that's really scary so this was a huge step for me.
There's the news.
Now let's talk for a moment about fitness.
So recently (as in the last few weeks) I've been looking for yet another sports bra because the Nike one I got just does not get the job done. I get uniboob bounce and it fucking hurts. Also given that I'm not super flexible in the shoulders, it can be a pain to get into. So I emailed someone on ebay about new in package monstrosity of a titty holder that I think would get the job done.
Unfortunately I'd stumbled into one of those HEY LOOK AT ME AND MAH WEIGHTLOSS type Ebay sellers who not only did not answer my question proceeded to try really hard to hard sell me some weightloss "system". Now frankly, if I were selling things that were specifically athletic equipment, and someone asked me very specific athletic oriented questions I would not presume that they wanted to buy my whatever turnkey bullshit I was selling.
I told the seller politely that her doing that made me not want to buy from her basically at all and I kept looking.
This type of thing is why I don't particularly care to talk about fitness with people outside of my wee group of people I talk to about personal shit all the time.
I honestly get way too frustrated.
As fitness goes in my life, a good part of my day is fitness. I mean this in the sense that I do not drive and there is no magical bus that runs on my time schedule that drops me off at my door.
On a slow day or a day when my knees hurt I still walk about a mile and a half during the day. Not counting the multiple flights of stairs at work and at home. Now depending on how fatigued I am or how I've slept I may or may not set aside time for extra exercise.
I don't always because I don't feel like I want to or need to.
For my particular body interestingly enough, for me to keep my size stable, all i really need are my nightly walks.
I don't know my exact weight and usually gauge where my body is at by how my clothing fits. Here's the thing.
For me, I really don't want to gain or lose weight right now. The reason being is that I cannot afford to buy all new pants.
Unfortunately, this means that at my current size I'm going to have a bit of a hard time finding pants that fit perfectly. At several retailers I fall right (I mean right in the middle) in the middle between a size 14 and a size 16.
This is not the most convenient size for my ass to be. But, it's manageable for me and I have pants that fit (mostly) so I'm okay.
My point here (I do have one I lost it there for a sec) is that I'm at the point where the assumption is that because I am doing 'fitness" things than I must be about to shave eleventy pants sizes off of my ass.
It's infuriating because people don't want to hear well no my walks help me stay balanced out and sane.
The fact that lately because I'm wearing pants more it's more visibly evident that my pants don't fit in an ideal manner, all of a sudden I must be just about to be on some epic journey towards not being a fatass rather than just you know, takin' care of my health and fitness as people insist on harping on constantly.
I hate that because I am not really really fat, nor am I at all thin I must be in flux.
Officially, this is not the before me. This is not the mid-road to whatever pants size me, it's fucking me. With my not quite size 16 ass and all. I am just fine thank you asshole.
To reiterate something I say fairly constantly, if you tell me that you're worried about my health and proceed to ignore anything I say or do in regards to my health, I don't believe you.
What do I want?
I want to go about the business of caring for myself, doing this in regard to my health and fitness without being subject to some random idea of how I'm supposed to look if in fact I am doing things regarding my health and fitness.
So if you are indeed ever so worried about the health of other people and you find yourself saying anything like the following:
"There's self esteem and blabalbla, can't be healthy"
"Blablabla, for your health"
You're smart. figure it out.
Here's the thing.
As I have also said eleventy million times, there is no monolithic version of healthy. There is no One Twoo Way of getting to a healthy state because no two bodies need exactly the same things to be healthy.
Not just that but, it is not anyone's obligation to you, your sense of morality, your boner or your aesthetics to "look" healthy. It's not their obligation to fill your definition of what health is.
So, if you do actually care. Shut it.
Shut up and take a second. take five seconds to do a simple exercise in understanding why you might be commenting to someone.
1.) You think you are better than the person to whom you're speaking so you want to impart your wisdom.
2.) You think the person you are speaking to does not understand their own body thus you must impart your wisdom.
3.) You think you're being "nice" and "helpful" but you don't really care about how the other person feels, you just want them to look like you or like you'd like to look.
4.) You are just being an asshole.
If your reason for commenting about another persons choices regarding their body whether it's what they eat, how they eat, how they do or don't work out, the size of their ass, what healthy is for that person etc falls into one of the above categories I don't believe you care.
And unlike a lot of fat folks I won't be fucking nice about it.
It boils down to this.
If I do not believe that you really care about my actual health, fuck off. Even if you do really care about my health, part of demonstrating that health is being respectful.
At the bottom of it, unsolicited weightloss advice, explaining the basic fundamentals of fitness, about how and what to eat, about how drinking unicorn pee and snorting only four lines of glitter a day helps you keep eleventy million pounds off of your ass if I show no interest or tell you flat out I don't want to hear it.
If you are really concerned about my health here's what you do and how you express that. Here is a pretend conversation do take this with a grain of salt, this is what's appropriate in MY universe:
You: Shannon, oh baby your pants are looking a little loose.
Me: Oh, don't get me started about pants. None of my pants fits.
You: Oh no. You know X store has some really nice pants on sale. I have a coupon do you want it?"
Me: Orly tell me more about these mystery pants.
... you see where I went there.
Now the real point is to follow cues from the person to whom you're speaking. If they are not into the conversation it's not your place to force the issue.
To tell y'all the truth the people who have hurt me most on a personal level invariably were well meaning.
Even if you mean no harm when you make "helpful" suggestions, you may very well be hurting people and that's just not awesome.
Okay I'm done.
Now remember, it is free to not be a douchebag.