Friday, January 28, 2011

All the fucks I do not give.

Oh my darlings. I'm more not sickly and feeling fancy.

SO I was thinking about some stuff and talking to a friend and came to the most magnificent realization.

I do not give a fuck.

About what? Let me tell you.

I do not give a fuck if anyone thinks I'm hot, what anyone thinks of what I eat or don't eat, how I do or don't exercise, I don't give a fuck if someone walks by me and calls me a fat bitch. I don't care if some jackass moos at me when I walk by.

Not. One. Fuck.

How do I not give a fuck?

It's not easy I will not bullshit y'all because I love you too much to blow smoke up your butt.

Here is my process and I want to share it with you because I'm getting good at it and I frankly feel so much better about myself and my world.


So let's say you and I are on the street together and this happens:

Us- talking..perhaps hugging

Random jackass goes by and says: "FAT BITCHES"

Maybe you are really hurt and upset all day and our day together is ruined. Maybe you cry, maybe you get really angry. I do not give a fuck about what random jackhole says.

When someone does something or says something that upsets me I think about it like this. Does this person hve any real effect on my universe? Does this person actually (and this is the hard part) matter to me?

This is why it's hard. Especially (in my opinion) for people who have issues with wanting to be liked or who try really hard to be nice. For people who like me pretty much love everyone until there's reason not to.

If the answer to either of those questions is no, then why give a fuck? Really ask yourself hell ask me if you want to, why does this person who does not know me, why does their opinion of me matter?

Start learning how to peel away the bullshit. ANd I mean all the bullshit we're trained to keep in our heads. You have to be nice, you have to be liked, you have to be hot blablablabla.

At the end of the day you don't.

Next thing I do is that I remind myself that it is my fucking Universe. And once I realized that the only person who can change my Universe or make My Universe a better place is me. I refuse to give anyone else the power over me to ruin my Universe.

Which leads to me disengaging from bullshit.

I have come to finally accept and embrace the fact that I am a sensitive, gooey centered creature. It is really easy for me to take the bullshit to heart and be in pain. It's easy for me to want so badly to be a voice of reason and education and all that. And when it's been rebuffed, and believe it has been, it's easy for me to feel rejected and awful.

I felt that way, I lived in that for a long time.And here's what happened. I would get hurt, feel awful, get down on myself, get angry that I was down on myself rinse repeat.

I am still often an angry person. The difference is that I have learned (am still learning) when to just say, I do not give a fuck.

I know that this can sound harsh to some folks. You don't want to go all the way there but I dare you, just once in the next month to sit down, work it out and say I do not give a fuck.

Stick your nose in the air, get your strut on and feel free to talk about all the fucks you do not give.

There is emancipation in it. There is freedom. There is liberation in embracing just how many fucks you do not give.

Then, let's level up shall we?

Level Up-

Learning how to say calmly and politely when someone says "You fat bitch" (or insert X thing that fucks you up here): I do not give a fuck what you say.

You don't have to say that exactly. I myself have many responses that completely get the point across.

There is the single eyebrow raise and dead silence. I am very good at that one. It is an unexpected reaction when someone is trying really hard to fuck up your universe. I will straight up stare until the person goes away or shuts the fuck up.

I have been known to respond to "You're ugly" or things like that with a cheerful and exuberant "GREAT." because if I'm not trying to touch that persons pants surprises, why do I care?

I don't care.

I think back to all the people who've called me ugly. Who've told me that I'm "sorta" cute, that they don't like me, that they think I'm a stupid bitch, all the eleventy million reasons someone might to dislike or hate me. The bare bones truth is that 98% of those people are not on my radar.

They aren't people I love. They aren't people who love me. They are random speedbumps, and once I get past them I keep rolling.

I decide who gets to make an impact on my life. No one else does.

So my darlings, I implore you to grow your I do not give a fuck muscles big and strong. I encourage you, if you are someone who engages in shaming behavior even on a small scale to take a second and wonder to yourself if this person needs to give a fuck about what you have to say.

Before you admonish someone for smoking, wearing booty shorts in public, for shaving, for not wearing make up, for being gay, for being whatever thing you don't like, remind yourself that this person may not give a fuck about what you are trying to say.

More so if you can't come from an honestly caring loving place. If you can't respectfully say to me, hey are you doing okay it looks like you're gaining weight..and then wait to really hear my response I'm not gonna give a fuck.

I refuse, REFUSE to give my fucks to people that I know don't care about me one way or another. I refuse to give my fucks to people who just want to piss in my Cheerios because they are miserable. I refuse to give my fucks to anyone who wouldn't give enough of a fuck about me to maybe let me make my own mistakes and keep loving me anyway.

There you have it.

This entry is about all the fucks I do not give. It is dedicated to myself because sometimes I forget these things and spend too much time letting other people fuck up my day.

This entry is for you because maybe nobody has ever given you teh permission you need to not give a fuck. Consider this your green light.

And it's for those people who pretend to care so they can make their shitty comments. We're on to you and many of us do not give a fuck.

And Fucks we do not give.

That's all.

I love you my homies. Also, Air- thank you. Thank you so much.

Homo Out.


acceptancewoman said...

Oh you rock so fucking hard, Shannon.
I was just meeting with my daughter's Kindergarten teacher yesterday because she's having a hard time with the normal schoolyard shit (she's giving as much as she's getting, on some level) and this is EXACTLY what I want to teach her.
There will be fewer "fucks" in the way I say it at this age. But I want to train her to think "Does it matter? Do I want it to screw up my universe?" She's starting to show more resiliency in this area, but then again, she's only 6, so my expectations are to be adjusted accordingly.
But, she, like me and you, has that gooey center thing going on and I want her to know that she is just fine, she just needs to develop a stronger outer candy coating (or, since we live in Washington State, raincoat).
Thank you for this -- it was exactly what I need to hear, for me, and for my daughter.

Joy said...

I wish I could say this very thing to sooooo many people: random street harassers, rude customers, co-workers, managers, even family. There are just some people you can't indulge no matter how much they want you to.

vesta44 said...

Oh yeah, I don't know how many people I've told to eat shit and bark at the moon because I do not care what they think. If I don't know them, will never see them again, don't have to interact with them for hours on a daily basis, I don't give a rat's ass what they think of me, in any way, shape, or form. If they don't love me and don't pay my bills, they don't get to tell me how to live my life in any of its facets - and even if they do love me, they still don't get to tell me how to live my life, I don't tell them how to live their lives.
It wasn't easy developing that attitude, it took some work, but it gets easier to do the older I get.

Anonymous said...

This is utterly fantastic.

mccn said...

This post made me cry. I just recently had a terrible experience where I found a lady's debit card and called the bank, and she ended up stalking and harassing me. I felt scared and upset by the whole thing (I posted it on Facebook, actually - you can see the note if you like.) I was wondering why I let her get to me so much, and how I could avoid it in the future - your words are like a war cry! She doesn't have the ability to affect my universe, and she doesn't really matter to me - and reading that made me feel strong and able to laugh her off, finally. Thanks so much.

Andrew said...

Awwww FUCK YEAH!!! I completely agree.

I myself prefer "...And I should care what you think why, exactly?" But your mileage may vary, of course.

Rock on!

Hermgirl said...

I hope you don't mind that I facebooked this entry, because I think this needs to be read by many people and if there was an award for "Truly Awesome Blog Entry" this would *so* deserve to get it!

apaperbackwriter said...

I've been leapfrogging from blog to blog across the fatosphere, and I just wanted to leave a shoutout for you.

I've been thinking about going into therapy (even though I can't really afford that) but I think you said everything I've ever wanted to hear from a therapist.

"Start learning how to peel away the bullshit. ANd I mean all the bullshit we're trained to keep in our heads. You have to be nice, you have to be liked, you have to be hot blablablabla.

At the end of the day you don't."

That's it, that's everything. That's beautiful. It's the alpha and the omega.

Thanks for that. Keep blogging and being a bad-ass!

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