I am so tired today and I'm in the mood to talk beauty and thangs.
First thing is I've been trying out this website Influenster. Apparently you can do things and in turn earn boxes of free beauty products and whatnot. I did not get the last box of free things but I am familiar with some of the products. They featured this Montagne Jeunesse Masque and oh babies, if you spot those at your local drug store try one out.
We all know I love fancy pampering and these aren't super cheap but they are affordable and are really nice if you want to feel fancy.
This leads me to what I really want to talk about today.
I've long held the belief (that link has older entries referencing this issue) that self care and really treating yourself like you are the best thing ever is a radical act.
I've seen a lot of resurgance of this over on the Tumblr and it got me thinking.
Here's the thing, unfortunately I've seen a lot of people take phrases like love yourself and care for yourself to be some kind of admonition to them personally and they react by saying I'm sick/mentally ill/etc so I can't and fuck you.
I find that disheartening. I think what missing in the discourse is to say okay, there's no gold standard of self care.
Can we settle that right now?
It's not about morality or any cause. Frankly from my point of view, self care and treating yourself as well as you are able is the fuck you.
Let me put it this way. Let's say that you are a person who is severely depressed and having some major bad self image.
How awesome is it when you are able to get up and take a shower or put on pants?
It is pretty fucking awesome.
More awesome because our society does not expect people who are physically or mentally ill to either want to be able to care for themselves or work on treating themselves lovingly.
Our society tends to treat anyone who isn't* doing super well as being unable to do well because our society doesn't recognize that there are differing gold standards of self care and self love.
Break it down.
If you feel really great about the fact that you combed your hair this morning and you are super proud of that inside your heart, that is a radical act.
If that seemingly simple act is the one that makes you hold your head up. That is a radical act.
Maybe for you, going out with make up on is a radical act of self love and a way for you to make yourself feel fancy.
What I believe is that at the end of the day we have to support ourselves in addition to supporting each other.
That is what saying love yourself etc etc is all about to me. It's about learning how to not depend on the media or lady mags or society to say you're okay. It's about looking at all those people who might have reason to hate you on sight (you're fat, weird, disabled, have funny hair, have pimply skin, have whatever thing going on) a big fat middle finger.
To me, doing the really hard work of undoing all that programming is radical. It's important to survival.
Also, let's face it. Life and whatever other issues you have are so much easier to deal with if you don't hate yourself. I'm not saying that you have to love yourself every day or always think you're awesome or even refer to this idea as loving yourself, I'm saying do what you can.
If loving yourself or learning to love yourself means that you once a day don't say something mean to yourself, you're doing it.
If it means that twice a week you smile at yourself in the mirror with pleasure, you're doing it.
Maybe you're like me and you need some in your face (no pun intended) let me deal with this shit and take pictures kind of thing, you're doing it. (I'm referring to how sometimes my own face freaks me out as I talked about here)
It's the same way I feel about health and wellness. Maybe for you being healthy and working on your wellness means that instead of drinking four sodas today you have three. Or maybe you decide to eat lean meat rather than bacon. Maybe you just sit up straighter. You're doing it.
I really hate that so often really fantastic messages get lost in their own importance and become imperatives.
There is no imperative to love yourself in any specific way.
You just don't have to.
Do I think that learning to love and treat yourself lovingly is awesome?
Hell yes I do.
I fully support you.
I support you if you hate yourself from stem to stern and sometimes, maybe sometimes you think you are kinda okay. That is awesome.
I support you if you love my fat ass and hate your own.
I support you if the only act of self love you can manage is to go to sleep or get out of bed.
I support you if you are just right this second realizing that you don't have to do a goddamn thing and that gives you a good feeling.
I also support you if you want to dig into the hard parts and do the damn thing.
The big takeaway is this.
You don't have to do shit. You don't.
I tell you to love yourself or learn to love yourself or learn to treat yourself with love because life sucks and it sucks less when you can care for yourself during the worst parts.
I care about the quality of your life.
I want you to experience moments where you feel good. How that happens is up to you.
So homework my homies.
Your assignment is to do or say one really nice true thing to yourself.
I don't care what it is. Tell yourself that you can wash dishes like a boss, admire your own ass, admire what an awesome parent you are, admire that you are a good critter parent, admire that you have really great hands, admire that you can pronounce a word correctly.
Put some nice lotion on your hands, have a wank, go outside and breathe fine air, give someone a hug, do your hair, do your nails, do your eyebrows. Wear your favorite piece of clothing. Take a nap, wake up early, spend an extra minute washing your fine behind.
I'll tell you what I am going to do.
Tonight I am going to oil my hair with a lot of coconut oil. Then after Uniballer and I run some errands I'm going to henna my hair then deep condition it. I am also going to paint my nails and try to take a nap on Sunday.
Report back. Bonus points for happy booty dances, kisses, photographic evidence of your awesomeness and sharing the love with a friend.