Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Wherein I give the finger and reveal my stank ass attitude.

First thank you so much for your comments on my last entry.

Those feelings are often so weird and difficult for me to express and deal with. It's one of those things much like levels of self esteem that wax and wane and occasionally rear up to punch me in the gut.

I feel better today.

NOW today I want to talk about something someone on the internets, (they were anon so I don't know who it was) and the brief exchange we had.

So y'all know, or if you don't know let me tell you there are a shitload of pictures of me on the internets. Somewhere in the wilds of google there are probably topless pictures somewhere. I know for a fact there is an upskirt picture of my ass clad in fishnet with a pair of black and red ruffly panties. That happened because I was bragging to some friends that my fancy drawers made it look like I had more of a booty.

About a month ago or so I got an anon note in my question form here, someone had cruised my pics at flickr and had come to the conclusion that it was their job to instruct me on how to up my sexy factor.

This person included a throwaway email address and told me that I needed to a.) never make obscene gestures in a picture b.) that I should light myself better so people can't see the stretchmarks on my boobs and arms, the dark spots on my face yadda yadda.

If only I'd follow their instructions I'd be ever so sexy.

Here's the thing that I told this person and that I'd like to tell anyone else who gives bullshit unsolicited advice on being "attractive" to other people.

I do not give a fuck.

The only time I care about whether or not someone I don't know wants to fuck me is if I want to get into their pants.

I do not exist to give the entire universe boners. I don't care if I'm not your cup of tea. I don't care if you think my big fat thighs are gross. I don't care if you think my unruly eyebrows are ruining my look. I do not give a tin shit if you think I would look better in magenta rather than in black.

Fuck off.

The fact is neither I nor anyone else perambulating around the Earth has an obligation to be aesthetically pleasing to anyone. If they want to that's cool. If they want to only be aesthetically pleasing to themselves that's cool.

Now after I delivered my spiel to my anon their response was that my stank attitude makes me even uglier.

Here is my response:

thefinger

[Image description: photograph of me (Shannon), a brown skinned woman wearing gold eyeshadow and red lipstick, giving the camera the finger.]

To put it more eloquently,

To Whom it May Concern,
Regarding my stank ass attitude and unacceptable appearance, go take a flying fuck at a rolling donut homie. Keep it moving.
Sincerely,
Shannon

Okay.

Now my darlings. I'm working on a kind of difficult essay and I'm trying to (again) master keeping my blood sugar from plummeting by remembering to eat regularly and it's fucking hard.

ALSO homework babies.

There is someone you want to tell to fuck off. I know there is. If you need to go anon go ahead, but here is your chance. Go to the comments area, and tell someone (anyone I don't care) to fuck right the fuck off. I won't tell anybody. I swear.

Homo Out.

PS...did I mention how much I love you people? I do. I love you. Now do your homework, there will be a test.
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9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Woo! Anonymous fuck off day!

here it goes

----

To whom it may concern:

I am sick and tired of your negativity, your abusiveness and your need to feel superior. You are making me sick, literally. I cannot stand hearing your cynical poison anymore.

You need to shut the fuck up, and fuck the fuck off.

The end.

(thanks Shannon for this opportunity!)

Sypha said...

That's a great picture of you Shannon, I should blow it up and tape it to the info desk at the Barnes & Noble I work at (about 90% of the customers aren't bad, but the other ten percent I'd really love to tell to fuck off, ha ha).

JS said...

Holy hand grenade, Batman, your stank-ass attitude and upthrust digit make you even hotter if possible! Love the eyeshadow, also.

MollyMurr said...

OMFG you are gorgeous!

I've always liked the phrase "I'm not here to decorate your world."

Tabby Cat said...

First: I join Shannon in her flipping off of the aesthetics police. Kindly sit, spin, and enjoy the upthrust middle finger.

Second: To the similac-scented boys of the world who think I must automatically fall at their feet because they have deigned to speak to me -- I invite you, too, to sit, spin, and enjoy my upthrust finger. My fatness does not mean I am desperate for masculine attention. In fact, I would prefer it if you stopped noticing me. I don't want you. Go away.

Third: To all of you deeply disturbed writing li8ghtweights out there who seem to think that your Purple Prose gives you the right to dictate text-based RPGs? Suck it. Yes, I wrote a vignette that involved a very tragic incident of child abuse. TO then go around and try to ruin my rep by calling it child porn? You make me exhaustively ill. Why is it so hard for you? Because you can't write as authentically as I can? Are you secretly watching child porn right now? Or, as a friend suggested, are you merely threatened by me because you know I write better than you possibly could?

I believe it's that, yes I do.

So. To sum up: To all the haters of the world, kiss my big fat ass. I am learning from Shannon how not to give a fuck with style and joy.


Now, to Shannon: Rock on, with your bad ass. This is why you're hot and why they're not: you reach people. You help those of us who need the boost. Keep on being you, and let the haters fall by the wayside.

Jen said...

You there, with the bad attitude and the desire to tell me how to live my life? Yeah, you can just go fuck right off. Maybe if you weren't such an uptight ass, your sex partners wouldn't lay there like cold fish and you could have a real lay. Maybe if that happened you wouldn't be so fucking crabby all the time. You do know that there's more than just the missionary position, right?

Rocksteady said...

we are friends on LJ and I just found your blog, bravo friend!

Unrepentant said...

"The fact is neither I nor anyone else perambulating around the Earth has an obligation to be aesthetically pleasing to anyone."

Amen, well said.

Dragonflywer said...

Oooooh, I need this!

Look, I'm sure you think you're being flattering or charming or something, but my absolute lack of response should make it clear that I don't like being hit on at work. Let's overlook the fact that I wouldn't be interested in you anywhere else, and stick to the work thing. I have to come here and work every day. Your creepy overtures and attempts to flirt with me make me uncomfortable. I am only marginally civil to you, and have certainly given you no encouragement. Knock it off.

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