Tuesday, August 09, 2011

Bitch no.

So my loves, my darlings. I was really not nice today.

Let me explain.

I have been on the hunt for a new doctor who fits into all of the following categories:

  1. Is currently accepting new patients who use my medical insurance.
  2. Is located somewhere convenient either in the neighborhood I live in or one close to where I work.
  3. Can take care of most my needs as in pussy maintenance etc.
  4. Who does not proselytize or prioritize weightloss over all other treatments for all ailments.
  5. Who doesn't push medications when the patient says no.
Not a lot to ask. I've cut down the list.

So I found a doctor within walking distance from my house, good hours. And the website looked promising. The office does have a wait list but it wasn't huge so I went ahead and filled out my new patient survey.

First of all this survey thing wasn't what I was expecting. I figured it would be a kind of introduction as advertised.

It was a little too much like the "health assessment" I had to take to get my insurance. I got very low scores for the following things.

  1. Not wearing seatbelts even though I don't drive. I don't own a car. I ride in cars maybe twice a year. There was no place to indicate that I am not a driver.
  2. Not drinking enough milk. There was no place to indicate being lactose intolerant. If I drank the daily allowance of milk every day I would shit my pants.
  3. Also at one point it said that HOLY SHIT FATASS YOUS GONNA DIE FROM THE EVERYTHING AND THE FAT..then a line later said "congratulations you have a healthy waist to hip ratio".
  4. I also scored low on the exercise portion. Mainly because a.) they assume you drive and b.) there was no place to input information about every day just living my life movement.
So I sent them a very lengthy email where I broke down their survey and why as a patient, especially as a first time patient it did not serve my needs at all. This morning I got a reply that as far as I can tell was written to me in particular but just made me angrier.

Basically even after me correcting the survey assumptions and saying specifically that my current and most pressing health concerns have existed regardless of my weight and some have been exacerbated by serious weightloss attempts to maintain a "normal" weight.

I was calm and reasonable, I asked nicely and the email I got back very cheerily told me that the reason I've had insomnia forever, the reason why I have problems with my knees, why I hurt my back previously (for the record it was a bad fall that really fucked things up) and the reason why I don't feel well is because I need to lose weight.

The nurse sent me links to "weightloss tips" websites that I checked out and yeah no. She also suggested I try Jenny Craig and "lost those pounds and start feeling better".

Okay I can be reasonable about a lot of shit but really? Without actually seeing me? Without (apparently) reading my medical records? Without consulting me?

My response was not nice and I also CC'd the doctor, their clinic email address and the complaints dept. for my insurance company.

I informed this nurse that to dispense this advice without any warning, without any caution and without having actually seemed to have read any of my information (records or email) that it was dangerous and damaging.

I stated in no uncertain terms that I find that kind of careless bad advice giving to be absolutely unacceptable and the ENTIRE reason I as a patient will not be seeking care from her or anyone associated with her. I also stated that I am appalled at her apparent disregard for my actual health.

I cited not only HAES but also I sent a large number of links to the specific problems I have, with quotes from those pages about why X things that I don't feel like sharing have anything to do with even as a correlated illness to my fucking weight.

I went on but you get the gist of the situation.

I will say yet again, when someone tells me that they are concerned about my weight because of my "health" they need to just shut up.

Here is the thing, now I'm not using hard science but common sense.

If we base and put all of our faith in science being absolutely correct, what are we believing?

At one time science told us that bathing was bad for us. At one time science told us (yes right here in America pre-Hitler) that eugenics (coercive sterilization etc) of the poor was the solution to all the ills of society. At one time science told us that everything from developmental delays to Asperger's was just madness and could be cured with an icepick to the brain. At one time the Earth was flat.

So even a casual look at history tells us that science is not infallible and not always correct about all the things.

Next, how is it that we can look at say frequent marathon runners and hold them up as paragons of health when they are often wrecking their bodies?

Again no science but I have seen these supposedly super healthy people shitting themselves, being unable to walk for days, I have known lifetime runners to suddenly find themselves in desperate need of hip or knee replacements because they've damaged their joints beyond repair or when their joints were first damaged they did not seek treatment because they were "healthy".

How is it that someone (who yes I knew personally) could continually injure themselves playing sports and "doing the right thing" never be questioned about their behavior by doctors or the ever popular "YOU ARE RAISING MY PREMIUMS" camp?

What these things tell me is that because fat is visible and our society has decided (along with the insane diet industry) that fat needs to be the repository for all our problems. This is both a problem with medical science as it is practiced in the US AND a societal cultural problem.

With most other ailments and problems people don't get in your business.  If you appear to be thin or normal (save usually for very very thin people) and are fairly ambulatory no one would ever think to tell you not to eat that whatever you're eating or anything else.

But if you are visible fat then culturally it is open season.

Culturally we are taught that while you can't shame someone out of say having a deviated septum or pigeon toes. You can't shame someone out of having crooked toes. You can't shame someone out of having that wrist that clicks sometimes or out of being prone to ear infections or having bad vision.

Now theoretically these are all things that can in fact be changed. Surgery etc. But they aren't thing we see pounded into us as being so awful that based on that one thing alone we are awful branded people.

That is why I believe that FA is so important and why it is so important for everyone to be aware of body politics. If you claim to care about things like health care costs, insurance premiums you need to understand the intersectional nature of the issue and not just parrot what you see in our culture.

Okay that's enough for right now.

Now darlings, the book is chugging along. I'm not sure when I'll be done but I'm trying not to rush myself because these things take time and writing non fiction is fucking hard.

The fact is I'm giving you my actual heart on a platter and that scares the shit out of me and feels amazing.

Homework for the day my homies, take a bootyshake break. Put on some music, sing, put your headphones on. Grab a partner, your partner, your roommate, your best friend, your kid, your pet or grab your own ass and let loose.

No seriously do it.

I love you my homies and haters.

Be on the lookout probably Thursday I will have a more complete book update and will put up my still fundraising thingy.

Homo Out.



Anonymous said...

What a disgusting clinic. They have no idea what your possible ED history could be, haven't examined you, and yet they are dispensing advice to you for treatments, that fail the bast majority of the time! Through e-mail!

What bullshit. I'm glad you said something not nice!

Meryl said...

Word. They deserve all your rage and more.

Catherine Leary said...

You're awesome for letting em have it like that. As others before me have said, it's disgusting the way that nurse treated you.

acceptancewoman said...

That is seriously the best rant I have ever read. Your anger is awesome powerful beautiful world-changing. You are brave. A warrior.

I have also given feedback (not as awesome as yours) about "health assessments" and it has done absolutely nothing to change the content of the surveys or the responses given. But it sure is better than saying nothing.

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