Oh my darlings.
I'm not feeling super hot (THANKS EARS YOU ARE JERKS) but, I have a new reader sexytimes question.
So our friend whom we'll call HotBooty has a new boyfriend. She said that it has been a while since she's had a boyfriend and a longer time since she's had a lot of sex.
Basically, her new lover spends a lot of time not only looking at her/loving her body like she is Mother Fucking Christmas(find all entries about that phrase there) but also he is behaving like she is Mother Fucking Christmas and it is to totally sum up what she said, freaking her shit right out.
First thing Ms. HotBooty you're fine. You are not a crazed super freak. Feeling freaked out by your lovers interest is unfortunately totally normal.
Here's the thing. Fat women (yes I'm talking specifically about fat women) have not only the usual bullshit about sexuality thrust upon us but we also exist in this weird place. People believe we're easy yet unfuckable, we're so awful and ugly that we should be thankful to be assaulted but on the other hand some drunk dude at some point will probably want us so we should be happy about that too.
It's a huge bind to be in. Even if you joyfully reject all that, it's still there.
So yes Ms. HotBooty I can see why you are freaked out.
The short answer to your dilemma is to look at your partner and say, fuck you're awesome and get on that.
The longer answer is more complicated.
First thing you need to fess up to your partner. Now be prepared for hurt feelings. Yes, your partner knowing that the way he looks at you upsets you will probably hurt his feelings.
I know because I've been there.
The thing is in your disbelief of his desire and enjoyment of your physical body you are in essence not trusting him. Have a sit down with yourself and be honest.
Do you think he is a liar? Do you believe that there is something inherently wrong with him? Is he a jerk?
If the answer to those questions is no, you need to work on learning to trust that he knows exactly what he is doing.
In your letter you indicated to me that you've been together for a while. Does he usually treat you well? When he says Hi Ms. Hotbooty and smiles at you does it feel good?
Are the answers yes?
I am going to assume the answers are yes and I want you to take that yes and hold on to it. Understand that when you two are naked and he's beside himself with wanting to touch you all over and he's looking at you like you are Mother Fucking Christmas, you are okay. He's not doing anything weird or tricky.
Understand that this lingering doubt you have is a by product of being in our society. We are trained to insert self loathing into everything in some measure.
The way to get through it is hard. You have to be vigilant. Think of those doubts as to the level of his desire for you as evil things that are seriously trying to cock block.
You don't want it.
You don't need it.
And furthermore you do not deserve it.
You my darling wonderful Ms. Hotbooty deserve this wonderful partner who looks at you in all your delicious nakedness like Mother Fucking Christmas.
You don't have to question it. If you need to hear it here it is.
You have the permission of the Dowager Empress of All Fatassia (Shannon) to frolic and enjoy your lover with impunity. You have the permission of the Dowager Empress of All Fatassia to have as much sex with your partner or whomever else you want to whenever you want to without feeling like it must be some kind of trap.
Your partner thinks you are hot. Go with that.
Now Ms. HotBooty you have homework. I want you the next time you catch your boyfriend looking at you like you're Mother Fucking Christmas to look back at him and smile. It doesn't matter if you're blushing or feeling like OH SHIT HE'S LOOKING. Do it anyway. It has been written so shall it be done.
When he asks thank you for what, if he asks that is. Tell him thank you for making me feel beautiful right now.
After that I want you two to enjoy each other. Have sex, take a nap, have a cuddle, go get some cupcakes. Just enjoy each other.
Remember Ms. Hotbooty what you have with your boyfriend is a precious and wonderful thing and he is a precious and wonderful being. Enjoy each other, cherish each other and be kind to each other.
Trust each other.
There are a lot of folks who are still waiting to experience what you have and what you have is from my point of view (that is without knowing all the things) pretty fucking awesome.
Now go forth Ms. Hotbooty and do your thing. Be nice to yourself. Don't get angry if you find yourself doubting again, remember it takes time to change any belief we have even if it's a damaging one.
Also if you do your homework and it's awesome feel free to report back.
Now my homies, do you all have any advice for Ms. Hotbooty? Support? Commiseration? Have at it my darlings.
If you have your own sexytimes or whatever kind of question (any kind of advice you may need) head over to my form here and ask away.
Next week book updates (I'm kinda struggling y'all), another installment about being an aging Black Goth. I'll tackle hair. WITH pictures..
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