Tuesday, February 14, 2012

What if strangers think you're ugly?

All right so yesterday I asked you to think about what would really happen if someone you see on the street thinks you're ugly or unattractive.

Now let's make it a thing in our heads.

You (or I) hell we are out, let's say you and I are hustling to make reservations at somewhere swanky and are dressed up all to the nines.

We pass what we'll call Random Dude A.

Random Dude A looks at us, decides we're ugly.

Now, here's where things happen.

Let's pause our imaginary scenerio and think about it. How does Random Dude A finding us unattractive actually impact our night or our lives?

We aren't mind readers, we are not trying to get into Random Dude A's pants. He doesn't know either of us. If we are in a mid sized city we are probably never going to see Random Dude A ever again.

To work the idea let's say you are walking down the street alone. Maybe you are heading to work, maybe you are going to the bank where ever you are going you have shit to do.

You have a life. You have things that need getting done. You have yourself and perhaps other people to care for.

As you are going about your business, paying bills, buying shoes, picking up babies, taking care of self, buying food, getting your nails done, putting gas in the car, getting a job, etc etc etc you are going to encounter a whole horde of people who probably don't think you're attractive.

98% of these people are people you are never going to talk to, have relationships with, hold hands with, they are never going to buy you clothes, they are never going to be in charge of your life, they are never going to be in your universe in any capacity beyond passing faces.

Now, really think about (and be honest) how can these people or their opinion of your face and body matter to you on any large or small scale?

The next thing we need to ask ourselves is this, do we really need on any level to have people who are and will remain strangers think we are attractive or not ugly?

I know that our culture tells us that everyone is supposed to find us super hot and fuckable all the time but really?

We are instructed that we need to make sure these innumerable strangers find us acceptable on a visual basis.

In all actuality these strangers have nothing to do with us.

Now think about this, if Random Dude A thinks that you are the ugliest person ever and says so, your feelings might be hurt. But before you take this to heart (and I'm talking entirely from my actual life here) think about what does that really have to do with you?

If someone you don't know, have never seen, takes time out of your day and theirs to tell you that you're ugly they are being an asshole.

Do you really need the kind of asshole who does that in your life?

Do you need for this asshole to be your friend? Do you respect them? Does that behavior make you want to get to know them better?

To make that a bigger issue, all those people who don't think you're hot or even attractive in general, do you or I really need to go some extra mile to impress them?

We all have other shit to do.

I'm not talking about looking for a spouse or sex. We'll get to that.

I'm talking about friends or loved ones.

Think about the people you like. The people you care about be they friends or family.

Is your interest in them based purely on how attractive they are?

Seriously sit with that. Think about it before bringing it back to yourself.

If we suppose that no we don't need for every Random Dude/ette to think we are the most gorgeous things on the planet and fall to their knees at our feet, if we don't want people in our lives who only care for us on the condition of our continuing hotness, doesn't it seem like a logical step to say that we don't give a hot fuck if Random Dude thinks we're hot?

This is how we get to the glorious place of not giving a hot fuck.

Not. One.

Now we are going to get to some hard stuff.

This is stuff that no one can give you from outside of your own heart and soul.

WE have to grow it from inside.

That said, I am sharing my seeds (shit I love a dragged out metaphors don't I?) with you so you can grow your own fucks not to give.

Your homework my darlings is to sit with the things I've said today. I want you to imagine how awesome life can be without giving jerkass people your time, your feelings or your energy.

I'm talking about close your eyes, imagine someone says "OH YOU UGLY BITCH" and you look at them, and keep on stepping. You are going to the bank/store/work. You have things to do. You are reading books, you have shit to do and no time or desire to deal with jerkass no. 1.

I am giving you permission to take some time and if you're not ready to live that moment, I am telling you, you CAN imagine it.

Now, I love you my darlings.

Tomorrow instead of ugly we're going to talk some fatshion and some new things I've figured out. I also need to talk about my ass. Also when the weather warms up I will do a little picture review of the Sock Dreams socks I've been collecting.

Y'all know I don't really "do" Valentine's day but if you do, I hope you are having a lovely one.

Homo Out.
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