Wednesday, March 07, 2012

Give it to them.

First my darlings let me show you how I looked most of today:


This is the face of a woman who may have had one fuck but has run out.

Not. One. Fuck.

This is a face that is just getting over an epic out of vitamins/period break out. This is a face that has not seen a lot of beauty sleep.

This is the face of a woman who is not having it today.

Lately as you can see I've taken to wearing really dark vampy lips again. This one is by Fyrinnae. I often top that color or one of my other almost black shades with black lipgloss.

Today after I'd applied that lip color and got on the pictured bus. I could see a woman giving me side eye. She was making one of those ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww I smell poop faces.

That was the face she saw.

I looked straight at her and let her know I do not give a fuck.

The lesson today darlings is energy. I did not (and continue to not) have the energy to be fucking around with what anyone thinks of that there face.

No. Fucks.

I want you to think about a moderately busy day in your life. How much do you have to do? Maybe you are taking care of babies, partners, cars, jobs, buying groceries, cooking food, tying shoes, sitting in traffic, cleaning butts, doing laundry, picking up dry cleaning, doing your taxes, trying to get a little me time.

You have shit to do.

Now think of your busiest days. Those days is it worth the spare energy to bother trying to get some random person to think or say, "oh hot damn this person is hot."

I'm again not yet talking about dating. Just regular life.

The days when you have to poop and have fifteen minutes to get to, then in and out of the bank and you gotta go.

Dig deep, you have your moments of not giving a fuck.

I'm not necessarily talking about when you just don't care and wear your jammies to the store. I'm more talking about the days when you are ready in whatever way you like to be and you are getting shit done.

I want you to process that.

Now.

Hard parts. Sometimes you have to channel that. You have to bring it out of yourself. Stomp down the street with your head up, knowing that you are too valuable and your energy your fucks are too precious to be handing out to random ass people who can't keep their opinions to themselves or who just want to be assholes.

Those people who let's face it, are the majority of people are not worth all that.

Save those fucks, save that energy for people you like.

Save that energy to hug your friends, to smile at people you think are awesome.

Not to deal with people who are being jerky.

This includes but is not limited to:
  • Internet trolls
  • People in line at the store
  • People in clothing stores giving you the stink eye
  • People who tell you that if not for X (your fat ass/facial piercings/funny hair/whatever) you would be sooooooo attractive.
  • People you have no emotional or intelllectual interest or attraction to.
  • "Friends" who say things like, "oh you would look so much better if:
  • Family who say things like, "if only" or "you have such a pretty face"
  • TV, Magazines, other various media.

Now let's talk about families for a minute.

A lot of the time our families and loved ones are the ones who hurt us most trying to "help".

Sometimes they are abusive and mean. Sometimes they are coming from a real place of love.

Sometimes you have to do things to protect yourself from them. You may need to say "No Auntie X, I don't need to lose weight I'm fine." You may need to say no a lot. You may need to let it roll off of your back. You may need to freak out on people.

You have to find something in your own soul that feels right and get it done.

You'll have to repeat yourself. You may just have to nod and smile then go home.

The important thing here is that you need to be selfish.

Yes.

I said it.

You have to be selfish and take care of the only person who is really with you from first breath to last.

You.

That is the very root of not giving a fuck.

Self care.

Learning to take care of yourself from stem to stern.

It's so hard.

Shit y'all. I'm almost 35 years old (NINE DAYS WOOT!) and I Still sometimes have a hard time letting go of things and not giving further fucks about them.

Let me tell y'all a secret.

If I can learn this and work on it. You can. I spent a lot of years being fucked up. I'm STILL fucked up.

Sometimes I still look at that face and I hate it. Sometimes I feel like maybe all those assholes are right and I should be losing weight and taking out my lip ring and not wearing forty pounds of eyeliner.

And then I take a breath.

I listen to the little voice in my head that is screaming:

I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK.

You have it to. I promise you do. You might not hear it when you need it. It may start hollering at inopportune times like when you need to do something by a deadline or make it out of the house in four minutes.

It's there. You just have to listen to it when it's yelling. Pay attention to yourself. Be selfish. Be self centered and realign your universe so that you are the sun.

I'm not saying that families, partners and kids and whatnot are unimportant. They are, we all know that.

I'm saying you're important too.

You my darling are super important and in charge of shit.

So your new homework is as follows.

The next time you find yourself unmoved by something. Anything. A news article, a blog comment, a photo. Listen to yourself saying, I do not give a fuck. Savor it. Don't tell yourself you have to give a fuck, don't get down on yourself if you don't.

Just let it happen for a few minutes.

A few of you have messaged (thank you for your sweet notes and things I love you) and I promise I will post a birthday wishlist type deal.

Now, I am going to self care like a boss because I don't feel well and it's hard.

I'm going to take care of that face. Wash it, wear a facial mask and moisturize. I'm going to eat dinner. I'm going to take my vitamins. I'm going to put my giant jammy pants on and be nice to myself so I sleep.

You take care of yourself tonight too. Love yourself some.

Homo Out.
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3 comments:

Ximena said...

I had to resist the urge to give you a slow clap in the middle of my bedroom.

*To occasionally allowing myself to not give a fuck!*

Veronica said...

You are so right. On those busy, busy days I don't have the time to wonder about what other people are thinking, I don't have the energy to worry about what's going on with them, I just get. things. done. That really might be a good headspace to take with me in other situations, I'll try to remember that.

And giving myself permission not to care, even when there's a moralizing part of me that tells me I should care, is such good advise! Because what good does it do to beat myself up about it? Thank you!

soartmodel said...

WHOOT! Sometimes I enjoy the fuck outta not giving a fuck! BTW this photo rocks hard. LUV. Happy B day <3

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