Where is the Fats.
Where it all Intersects and makes a Shannon.
E Tu Brute.
If you don't want to go read all those let me break it down for you.
One of the reasons I get so angry and I take long breaks from blogging is because over and over again especially when it comes to racial matters this is what happens.
Someone asks/I make a post about race.
EVERYTHING I say is questioned to goddamn death.
I get asked for further proof. I get asked to educate. People demand more and more and more yet never actually take what I say into account or take it seriously.
Then magically a white lady comes along, says all the same shit I've already said SUDDENLY it all makes sense right?
When I say a lot of the same things I see going around right now, White people tell me I'm pulling the race card. They get angry when I ask nicely even for them to just listen. I get told I'm race baiting.
Okay look this is why POC like me get so angry.
When I try and try and try and spend so much energy trying to educate and nothing gets through. When I work and work and work, and share my actual lived fucking exprience and talk about things that cause me pain, no one gives a fuck.
No I'm not talking about most of my regulars but I know y'all have seen it happen.
I am angry because I feel discounted, I feel silenced and the worst the absolute worst is that I feel like I'm being plagiarized even though logically I know I'm not.
Long ago I took in and accepted that when it comes to FA and whatnot, chances are I will not nor ever be A Voice.
It doesn't matter what or how I say something, I'm not a White person so White people are not trying to hear what I have to say.
Look at what I said in 2008:
Note: These are not all things exclusive to or entirely related to Fat Acceptance but come from 31 years on the planet and a lot of interaction with my fellow humans.Declarations of color blindness in terms of racial issues, might be a lovely idea in theory but has no place in my existence. the fact is that every time i hear someone extolling their virtuous color blindedness here is what i feel. If racial issues are brought up and you respond with vehement declarations of how little color matters to you, clearly you are for whatever reason uncomfortable.Look what I said in 2009:
First impression is that I am again disappointed. I am disappointed that people still cannot fathom or don't want to even try to understand that yes race intersects with my experience of fatness (note I am using personal pronouns here because I am not the Dowager Empress of Black People and can only speak for my own feelings) and has contributed mightily to my over all experience and point of view in life.
Why do POC have to continually beg, plead and try so hard to engage in every way we can think of until all we have left is pain and anger, then magically someone White explains it and it's all so clear.
That is racism in action.
Am I saying that the individual people who can't take the word of a POC when it comes to understanding racism are racist? No. I'm saying that the constant disbelief and inability for White people to ever take a POC on their word is a function of racism.
It is racism in action when instead of listening to the words of people who have every day practical experience with these things, it only makes sense when it's presented in theory by a White person.
I am so angry.
A lot of people of color are angry because we just can't fucking win for losing nor be heard.
I don't even know what else to say.
I keep feeling like there's no point in saying anything because well, no one will take it seriously until a Nice White Lady says it.
I don't fully believe that but it's how I'm feeling right now.
I'm also still really fucking hurt.
My regulars, y'all know I"m not really talking about you. A lot of you have told me when y ou really get it. You've apologized when you didn't have to, you've been overall pretty damn awesome.
I'm half blowing steam and half just trying not to sit down and cry my eyes out.
So I may take a little hiatus. I may not. I just don't know.
While I'm deciding I do have other news. You can now buy my little fiction collection on Kindle. Check that out right here.
I'm working on the second collection and I'm working on an erotica collection that I plan to shop around.
Right now I need a time out. I'm heartsick and I kind of want to barf.