Friday, April 27, 2012

But why fat?

A few new commenters have commented on me saying the F word.

Yes. Fat.

Now here is the thing.

There are lots of reasons I use fat the way I do. Let's talk about it.

Now there are contexts to being fat and living as a fat person.

You can read about that here.

The first context of how I use fat I want to talk about is in the context of my every day life.

To some people, most often bigger fat people I am not really fat. Visually I often read as not as fat as I am because I have big shoulders and big tits. I have very good posture etc.

Regardless of that, I move around in my life on this world as a fat person. I am treated as a fat person if I go to the doctor, at the grocery store, on the bus, when I experience commentary on my clothes, appearance and health from random strangers.

Right this minute I am not the fattest I've ever been nor am I the thinnest. I have been really thin (for me) and really fat (for me) and honestly even when I was at what proved to be an unsustainable low weight I was still treated as a fat person because I had been previously fat.

The fact is I am a fat person. When I use fat in this context am I making moral statements about myself?

No.

Am I assigning any of the "evil" qualities associated with fatness to myself?

No.

I am truthfully in plain concrete language telling you that I am a fat person.

Here's the thing. Calling myself something "nice" or using some euphemism does not change the actuality of my body.

To address the comment LadyBethezdas comment: which is one I've heard before the fact is average or not the size of the people around me does not change my size.

Here's the thing. Regardless of what the actual averages are. I am still fat. If you want to go by the hugely flawed BMI scale I am Deathfat.

Yes.

This body:


 [Photo description: Short Black woman wearing an all black outfit and black and white striped socks]

Is Morbidly Obese.

These are not conjectures, they are not subjective, according to the tools doctors etc use these are the facts.

Me saying I am fat is the truth.

The problem isn't with saying I am fat. The problem happens when fat becomes the synonym for every other evil thing a person can be.

That is the problem.

And personally speaking I hate using all of the cute euphemisms. I am not fluffy I am not a cat. I am not plus I am not a sofa. I am yes voluptuous but fat people do not have the market on shapely bodies.

I am fat.

FAT.

Fat.

When I say am I am fat person I am not telling you any of the following:


  1. Any health issues I may or may not have.
  2. How I eat.
  3. Where I shop.
  4. My moral/a  moral stance on health care.
  5. The state of my mental health.
  6. My IQ.
  7. My socioeconomic status.
  8. Whether or not I exercise.
  9. What actual clothing size(s) I wear.
When I say I am fat I am telling you how I walk around in the world. how I am often treated. I am telling you a round about size of my body. I am using a descriptor.

I am also self identifying and owning that identity.

I own being fat. I own the choice that I made to vocally and often state this.

You can also glean from my usage of fat that I am not ashamed to be a fat person. That I am not hiding out and waiting for the fat to kill me slowly. I am not putting my goals on hold until I lose 35 pounds (a reference to a recommendation from a prospective doctor, I'll talk about that another time), I am telling you that I am unafraid to give it to you straight.

When I say that I am a Fat Person I am not giving you permission to "teach" me about how to take care of myself. I am not giving permission for you or anyone else to call me any of the other fluffy things we tr to use as synonyms for fat.

Don't say I'm thick, curvy, etc etc etc.

I'm a fat chick with some big ass titties and some big ass thighs and small feet and big shoulders.

Or you know, just fat.

In the context of my daily life I am absolute often the fatter feminine presenting person in my immediate vicinity. When I go into the health food/body builder place to buy vitamins or get a smoothie I am the fat person.

I am the bad fatty at Safeway buying all the bad foods. Or I am the good fatty who's "trying" when I buy the "good" foods.

Among a lot of people in FA and fat people in general I'm not really all that fat. I'm smaller size fat. There are some issues of fatness I can speak to because I have privilege in that I don't experience them. 

Other fairly universal problems of being a fat person in this society I can speak to very well because I experience them.

If you've read me for any amount of time you probably know that I am very plan and try to be very clear about what things I experience and how I experience them as a fat person. I try very hard not to speak to other experiences that I don't have.

So there it is new homies.

The thing is being vocal about why and how I use fat is as vital to my flavor of Fat Acceptance as walking around with my head up high is.

I want to be among the people who are actively changing the pejorative usage of fat.

I am not "calling" as in name calling.

I am describing. 

I am also taking the power away from people who use fat as their go to insult for everything else. There is no abusive power to be had if I am the one taking control over how I use language to talk about myself. 

Now that's all.

I will be back next week with some more things. I have more Ugly posts because I have been making notes on some interesting things I"ve noticed lately about beauty, myself and how people deal with me and I hope they interest you.

How are you my darlings? How is the season change treating you?

Tell me something good.

Homo Out.


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2 comments:

maggiemunkee said...

i am almost done with my undergrad! one more week of class, about ten pages of essay to write, and i will be officially partially educated. woo!

spring is good. i'm having trouble finding nice femme-y shoes that are supportive and flat and aren't sandals. my edema is really bad right now, and my feet puffing up and taking over the sandal is definitely Not Cute. it gives me a sad.

but at least it's generally sunny and somewhat warm-ish.

and soon i can read for pleasure again! YAY!

Anonymous said...

Seriously awesome post. Thank you for your badassedness.

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