HELLO my darlings I missed you.
I took care of some stuff and you shouldn't see any performance changes in my bloggy blog here.
First can I announce something awesome?
Y'all know how much I love my friend Distorria's company Detrivore Cosmetics. Now I am an affiliate WOOT.
I'm not making cash but if you want to shop with her please use my little thingy there. Help keep me in sparkles.
Let's talk about major serious life saving self care.
While I've been away I had some things happen in life and got super major holy fuckballs stressed out. I made myself a little sick, had some time off and the things that were stressing me out are on the way to being resolved.
You know what else I did?
Because of the way I process stress (internalizing like whoa..we'll talk about it later) I made myself slow down.
I'm going to be honest. A few times I was so upset and freaked out I started falling down the crazypants spiral. The one that starts with one thing and shit rolls downhill until I am seething and full of self loathing.
I was nauseated. I was angry with myself when I looked at my container of vitamins, I was angry I have nail polish and make up and everything. It got pretty hairy for a few days.
The first thing I did was give myself a long facial. In the bath I steamed my face with a washcloth, I took a bath and put my favorite facial mask on my face. I made myself be gentle with my skin. I was in a state where all I wanted to do was punish myself for the nine million things I fuck up on a regular basis.
Instead I used brute force and slowed myself down. I shut the fuck up., Sometimes you have to look at yourself and say firmly, You shut the fuck up right now.
I manicured my eyebrows. I used my spot fade cream on the black mark on my forehead. I moisturized myself from ass to elbows until I was greasy.
I gave myself a beautiful manicure.
I spent two hours untangling and moisturizing my hair.
I was still mad but I was slowed down. I was treating myself like something precious not like someone who really pissed me off.
I was still upset, anxious and rolling down the bad spiral but it was slowing down.
I made myself take my vitamins and eat. I made myself not treat myself like shit because I felt like I deserved it. I made myself treat myself better than usual because underneath all of the crazy things, I knew I needed to get through it.
My best friend sent me a little care package. Instead of feeling shitty about needing that comfort and engaging in it. I made myself appreciate that there are people who care about me.
I made myself appreciate that sometimes yes, yes all it really takes sometimes is a surprise or a bottle of nail polish or a nice meal.
I feel better now. I have been working on it.
The point here is that it doesn't always have to be a huge thing. Sometimes it can be the small things that get you started. I suggested to someone on tumblr to put on some lotion.
It doesn't seem like a big deal but when you're down in it, it's a big fucking deal.
It is not just a big fucking deal it is an awesome thing.
Taking care of yourself is not selfish. It's not about being pretty for other people. It's not even about "health".
It's about survival. It's about identifying what you need and giving it to yourself when you can.
Fuck anyone who has ever told you that self care is frivolous or unnecessary.
Fuck them right out of your life because it is important.
Also important, even if you are positive no one on earth gives a fuck. I give a fuck.
All of you my homies and haters.
I care about your well being.
I hope you will be okay. Take care of yourselves. If you are really fucking depressed and can't get out of bed or wash your face. Put some lip balm on, lay comfortably. I swear. Do one little thing. It won't solve everything but after you do it you can say, fuck you I did it.