Saturday, June 23, 2012

For thin people who think they are being helpful.

Fatties, today I'm not really talking to you.

I'm talking to you not fat people who believe that some remark  you make to a fat person on the internet or street is going to magically make them change.

First let's understand a few things.

  1. It's been proven time and again that shame is not really a good way to con people into changing anything. It's bullying. It's abusive. It's gross.
  2. You no matter how healthy you are or think you look are not the arbiter or one true knower of how bodies should look.
  3. If someone isn't trying to sleep with you they probably don't give a shit about whether or not you think they are sexy.
  4. Behaving like a jerk does not mean you are a total jerk. You might be a really nice person having a moment of bad behavior and that's okay.  You're human it happens. That doesn't make it okay.
  5. Being a troll is still not cute nor is it charming.
Okay thin folks let's get down to it shall we?

Let's talk about how you talk to fat people or other people with bodies you think are gross or don't approve of.

If you think that people can't understand when you say things like, "you should wear more flattering clothes" or "have you heard of X diet?" that you are foisting your body image ideals onto their asses your'e dead wrong.

Fat people know they are fat. 

Yes we do.

If you tell someone HOLYSHIT YOU'RE FAT, chances are you are the least original person in the conversation and being a jerk. No person needs you to tell them about their bodies. It's a dick move.

Next there's no reason to tell someone that they are eating something you don't eat because it's fatty or you think it's gross or too unhealthy or whatever. No really.

No one needs your opinion this way. You can think it. You can think about it a lot, you can tell you friends. But you don't need to get in another person's airspace to vent that.

No one needs to hear your advice about dieting, food, exercise, clothes, cellulite, man boobs, anything.

Unless they ask you.

If I your fat friend Shannon say, "hey buddy. I noticed your ass looks amazing lately what kind of exercise are you doing?"

That is an appropriate time to go all for it. It's not a moment to wax on about how awful and gross fat people are but that is the moment to talk about dieting and exercise and all that.

If you want to be worried about my fat self and my health, telling me I'm going to die of X disease or telling me I'm ugly or that my dress is too tight is not an okay to do that.

If you want to be helpful or if you really are concerned learn how to have a conversation. This includes learning to do the following:

  1. Be respectful. If not that at least behave like you are talking to another human being because you are.
  2. Listen. Not wait to talk about the Cabbage diet. Listen closely.
  3. Admit that no, you don't know everything about everything.
  4. Understand that a fat person has every right to say, "I don't want to talk about my pants/ass/health/weight with you. Respect that.
  5. Don't Drink The Koolaid. By that I mean don't buy so heavily into what the media tells you. Not every TV loud ass doctor is absolutely right. Feel free to be just as critical as Thin White Lady beauty ideals as I am. Ask questions. Learn.
I am also going to encourage you to take just a minute to be dead honest.

Try this.

For a minute pretend that you and I know each other really well. Let's say I'm your sister or Mom or bestie.

If I told you that I went to the doctor because I found a lump in my breast and that my doctor refused to examine me because of my weight, would that be okay with you?

Would you tell me that maybe I would have better luck with cancer screening if only I'd lose 30-100 pounds?

Would you be shocked?

What if I confessed to you that doctors have been treating me that way for so long and it hurt me so much I didn't want to go to the doctor, would that be okay? What if I just dropped dead.

What if that happened and you knew that I'd been complaining of abdominal pain but shooed it away because I believed that anything wrong with me was because I was fat, or that I couldn't be seen and it turned out to be a burst appendix or tumor, would that okay?

Would it shock you when people said after that I died because I was a lazy fatass?

I'd really like to say that this is hyperbole but it's not. 

If you think that those things are okay, you're an awful person. No matter what religion or belief system or code of ethics you claim, if you think that you are awful and I hope you don't know anyone.

If those things upset you or made you feel bad deep down, chances are you have some work to do.

If I was your loved one and these things happened to me they would be just as awful if you didn't know me at all.

These are the things fat people talk about when we say that we want to be supported in taking care of our health and not shamed for a single thing. And yes, that's the root of the problem thin people.

Fat people are pissed off because so many of you abuse us, so many of you healthcare professionals abuse us, or you don't treat us. Fat people are pissed off because we say I'd really appreciate being able to go to the doctor/gym/work/home/store/LIFE without people treating me like garbage JUST because I am fat and you say no because we're fat.

We're pissed off because we have become the Scare Tactic Headless Fatty. We have been blamed for everything from global warming to gas prices to the demise of healthcare. Only because we're fat.

We're pissed off because no matter where we go or what we're doing, especially if we are talking to each other about fat things no matter what they are, thin people barge in wanting space to talk/to be assholes/to harass us/to threaten us/to humiliate us those of you who aren't participating often let it go or say to us when we complain, "maybe it'll help you lose weight."

Look thin folks, if you take any of this to say I or other fat people hate you we don't. Really. Most of us don't give a tin shit about how your body looks or what you do with it.

I'm also not saying that it's all your fault because a lot of fat people have drunk the koolaid and hate us too, but you're not helping. 

It feels like a lie when you proclaim your worry about the health of people and then go on to abuse people or participate in letting people be abusive.

You can't have it both ways.

So be honest.

If you know, I have faith that you're all smart thin people, you know that you behave awfully when it comes to fat people, stop.

Or at least don't do it where fat people are trying to live their fucking lives.

It's not hard.

Especially anyone who says that they are a feminist, anti bullying, anti racist, aware, a nice person, an ally etc. You folks? When you do it, it's even worse.

I turn it over to my homies. If you're still with me thin person I'm going to assume you got something I said. Now all you have to do is sit back and listen to the fat people. So my fat homies tell our thin homies how you feel.

Thin homies who are already aware of these things. Talk to your friends. Tell them when it's not okay.

Happy weekend my darlings. This is a scheduled post, I'm trying out writing posts in advance. 

Homo Out.

PS..thin homies I encourage you to stick around. Read some of the fat links. Comment if you want. Anonymous is always on. If you want to say you're sorry go ahead. Just don't be a jerk because I am not with that.



MadGastronomer said...

You are my new blog crush. I just want you to know that.

Dana said...

As a fellow fatty ... GREAT POST! I go to the doctor only if necessary because I am tired of being handed a "Tips To Weight Loss" pamphlet when I go in for a mammogram or a sore throat. I know that I am fat, and I know WHY I am fat.

Subscribe To My Podcast