Monday, August 13, 2012

The way we think.

I was just reading this article by Lesley over at XO Jane and while reading some of the comments I caught myself rolling my eyes and groaning.

After a conversation last week and looking at those comments I had an a ha moment.

Life right now is not really nice. I'm so stressed out and anxious I'm not totally sure what to do with myself. I'm not sleeping well, my ability to just do the things I have to day to day is waxing and waning.

Here's the thing I've realized.

I don't have the time nor mental energy to be overly worried about my fat, how pretty I am or am not, about the things a lot of other lady types worry about.

Even at a younger age when that stuff was more forefront in my mind, often I was not able to engage in the kind of constant wallowing in hating my body because I was too busy trying to survive.

I feel like it is at some point a privilege to have the time and space to worry about what size your ass is constantly.

Maybe that's just me. There have been enough times in my life when I've been worried about where my next meal was happening or if I would be able to scrape together four dollars to buy two boxes of tampons and two cans of soup at the dollar store because honestly it is AWFUL to be malnourished or have nothing to eat when you're on your period, or having to worry about being able to pay to get to work, or if my partner will be okay that- honestly a lot of my kvelling about the size of my ass falls by the wayside.

Hence the eye rolling.

I read that, especially days like today when I'm worried about things I can't do anything about, and I'm like fuck it MUST be nice to have all that time to focus on how fat you are.

When I've tried to express this feeling I know at times it has come off as a catty thing which it isn't. I am occasionally appalled that other people don't live lives like mine and then I remember that not everyone is me.

So when I say that I wish that all i had to really be worried/upset about was the size of my ass I do actually mean that. I am honestly really tired of worrying abut everything else right now.

I would like to worry about whether or not this ring I saw comes in my size.

I think my real point is this.

For a second before you complain about your fat or not actually fat ass, ask yourself if the person you're complaining to really needs to hear it right now. Before you complain about spending ever so much on an outfit only to want to return a piece of it because it's a tad too small or too big or too soft or whatever, think about who you're complaining to and whether or not they need to hear it.

If you can't spare yourself bullshit talk spare a friend.

Now in other news the promised self care guide is coming.

It will be released later this week.

Um. I am really stressed out but hopefully 80% of that will be taken care of by Thursday and if I get some sleep I will be able to reply to the lovely sweet notes from some of you.

Until then my darlings.

Homo Out.
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