Friday, December 14, 2012

Working it out.

First, I have bragged on the internet more than once and I am going to brag again,

I have the best fucking readers in the world.

You are the best homies in intertubes space in the world.

Thank you for your support and kind words and everything.

I love you.

You are seriously the best.

I am feeling better/less anxious about things. I have all my vitamins, I'm being nice to me. Nicer anyway.

I don't want to talk about that more right now though.

Let's talk about somthing I am way more into right now.

Make up.

So today I am wearing what I call my Old Goth go to look. I'll show you at the bottom of the post.

Lots AND LOTS of black liner in a big ole cat eye and black lips.

A woman stopped me on the sidewalk today to tell me that she thinks my make up is ugly, inappropriate and tacky.

I laughed in her face.

Here's the thing my homies and part of survival and how to give no fucks.

Strangers, especially strangers who think that their opinion of how you should look, walk, talk, how much you weigh, what you wear etc- are not the kind of people you want in your universe.

Here's the thing.

You, like me are the Dowager Supreme Ruler of your universe.

Nobody has the right to fuck with that.

Nobody, especially jerky ass asshole people need to impact your Universe more than being a shitty blip on your radar.

When people who don't know you go out of their way to be "helpful" or to be assholes or bossy, they are not trying to help you out. They are telling you that they know better how to be in your body.

Fuck that noise because it's bullshit.

As I have said before, you are important.

You have shit to do that does not involve random jackhole strangers and their feelings or their opinions.

This goes for anonymous trolls on the internet, people in line at the store, clerks in stores etc.

Fuck their feelings.

You and I are not here for all that.

You and I are here to live our lives in our bodies the best we can.

For me I still am not feeling well. I have had this ass kicking evil cold of doom (I get one every year) and I have not been feeling good.

When I don't feel good but I have to go places and do things, I paint the shit out of my face.

I beat my face and get glamorous. It feels like armor, I like feeling like I look better than I feel. This is how I care for myself when things I can't control or deal with are happening.

I also do it to remind myself that the only person I really need to aesthetically please is myself.

My only answer to the idea that I must conform to the vision of how other people want to see me is this.

Fuck you pay me.

Want me to wear something you like? Pay me.

Want me to wear neutral natural make up? Fuck you pay me.

Want me to thinner? Fuck you pay me.

Want me to be nicer? Fuck you pay me.

And let's be real for a minute since that's how I"m being today.

You are gonna have to pay a lot.

You probably can't afford it.

The reality is that I have a lot of people I care about, a lot of things I care about, a lot of things I am passionate about and I do not have the time nor energy to devote to taking care of strangers. I'm not going to massage your feelings if you want to tell me how you think I should be.

Fuck your feelings.

Fuck your feelings, fuck your entitlement, fuck your comfort and really fuck you.

My homies, let me tell you my big secret for how I arrived at this.

At one time in my mid-20's I was in a situation where my partner was in the hospital, I was fighting my landlord in court, trying to pack our home, trying not to get evicted, looking for a new place to live, working overtime and was experiencing a level of stress that I'm sure if I'd been in slightly more fragile health I might've had a heart attack or other emergency.

I was doing all of this on my own.

At one point some lady said something stupid to me about how raggedly dressed I was and I completely lost my shit on her and freaked out.

I'm talking screaming raging on her and then I went back to my apartment and cried until I threw up.

That day I had shit to do. I wanted to see my partner in the hospital, I needed groceries, I needed to do laundry, I needed to track down a missing check stub, I needed to do a lot of things.

I needed sleep, I needed a hug.

What I did not need was this bitch in my face that way.

I realized in the aftermath of that incident that I expended all that energy, I had been fairly reasonable for a minute with that lady and she persisted in explaining her point of view to me.

ALl that energy and upset and yes my fucking feelings were hurt and I cried in public which I hate doing and my day was not only made worse but totally fucking destroyed for what?

Some asshole who didn't care about me, didn't care about my situation, wasn't trying to help me get to see Uniballer in the hospital. She only wanted to tell me how tacky and terrible it was that my slacks were wrinkled and crappy and how SO unprofessional it was blablabla.

What purpose did her shitty opinion serve?

For her, she probably had a good power surge. She probably felt superior to me and some people like that.

In my Universe what did it mean?

At the end of that shitty day when I was laying in bed crying, it meant nothing to me.

That single incident taught me more about what does and doesn't need to impact my universe than anything else.

From then on part of my mission in life has been to teach myself when I do and don't need to give a fuck.

No one can tell you or force you to really care. I know society tells us we're supposed to care about everything and weigh every opinion but I think that's bullshit.

Yes, everyone can have an opinion.

No, I don't have to give a hot fuck about your opinion if I don't want to.

It's a beautiful thing.

So, my homies my darlings.

If you listen to nothing else I've ever said listen to this. You too haters.

You are the Supreme High Ruler of YouLand.

Your Universe is special and precious.

You are driving.

Do not let other people fuck up your universe when you don't have to.

Fuck their feelings.

In this case, your feelings take top number one priority.

That's what I am giving to you. If no one has ever told you point blank here it is.

It is perfectly fine and very healthy if you don't give a fuck about some peoples opinions.

You do not have to consider the opinion of someone who thinks it's inappropriate for for a fat person to wear tight clothes, for boys to wear eyeliner,  for women to have penises. Whatever.

Fuck those people.

Now a photo of my offensive make up:

Have a lovely weekend my darlings.

I'm working on some new stuff for this here bloggy blog. Be on the lookout darlings.

I love you my homies and haters.

Homo Out.



Elikit said...

You are flawless.

maggiemunkee said...

I adore you. And you look like a goddess in your old goth to go face. Hot damn.

witchyvixen said...

You are so beautiful and just such a lovely person all the way around. You have helped me in a long-ass fight to claim myself. So many of your words have given me the light I needed to shine on my feelings about me and my life. It was you who taught me about the fucks I do not give. I couldn't ever thank you enough.

BTW always loved that phrase, "fuck you, pay me." I hadn't found a reason to use it before now. I will be throwing it around quite frequently. Thank you again. :)

Sumayyah said...

That woman was so totally out of line that it's not even funny. I, personally, find your makeup gorgeous.

Catherine Leary said...

Fuck the haters, because you look AMAZING. Seriously. Haters to the left.

And I can't believe that woman said that to you. That kind of behavior is tacky and inappropriate. She's wearing her chutzpah in all the wrong places.

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