Monday, January 14, 2013

In case you think I'm undesirable.

Over the years one of the things that has come up from trolls, anonymous comments, messages, etc is hot totally sexually unappealing anyone finds me at any one time.

I wish I had kept running count of how many comments I've deleted or ignored after posts I've made that were at least in my mind thoughtful and deeper than OMG YAY FATTY.

Lots of OMG BUT UR NOT SEXY..or people imploring me to think of how sexy I'd be if I was healthy (because as we ALL know equating sexiness with health is awesome), how I can do what I want but I'm letting my sexy go, blablabla.

I really hate to break it to this flavor of reader (oh I know you still come by to hate read me) I honestly don't give a hot fuck if you think I'm attractive.

Nothing about my flavor of Fat Acceptance has fuck all to do with who you may or may not on a personal level find bangable.

Here are some reasons for that.

  1. If you presume that the self esteem of another human being totally hinges on whether or not you want to fuck them, your ego is swelled up beyond reason. 99% of the people in the world are not going to fuck you ever and won't even think about whether you want to fuck them or not.
  2. Using sexual attractiveness (which is a personal subjective thing) as a barometer of acceptance of another person whom one is not sleeping with, is a massively fucked up crooked way to look at the world.
  3. Health and sexual attractiveness are not the same thing. On a casual google search, you can see that many of the sexiest of the sexy have not been particularly healthy people. 
On a personal note here's the deal.

Being that I grew up in a microcosm where I was not a pretty girl and had little chance to be a beautiful girl, there is really nothing you anonymous haters of my face can say that I have never heard before. To read some of my posts about being ugly see here.

That is just the facts.

When I was single, I got told in many ways including directly that I was just not what people considered attractive or even worse people saying that I was "cute for a Black girl". So really, you're wasting your time trying to hurt my feelings.

Furthermore, if all you have to say about any of the content and context of what I've said is, haha ur ugly, you lose. 

If your only argument to me saying my body is none of your business is to call me a fat bitch or an ugly bitch etc etc, you lose.

What you're demonstrating is a lack of reading comprehension and a reliance on misogynistic slurs because you have nothing of value to say.

If you are one of that flavor of commenter, you can see why I don't bother generally to respond.

Here's the thing my regular homies, when you have said something that people are either uninterested in listening to or just did not pay attention in order to serve whatever feeling of superiority they are trying to get, there is really no use in arguing with them.

There are a lot of good reasons to engage with people who don't agree with you on the internet. You can learn things, you can learn how to negotiate and communicate with a diverse spread of people, you can learn how to stay calm and reasonable and have a discussion, you can learn how to agree to disagree, you can learn when it's in your best interest to just let it go, you can learn that other information or points of view can change your perspective.

On the flipside there are lots of reasons not to engage, some people are just assholes, some people still think it's cute and fun to troll people, some people are bored and are going to try and make you cry. Some people are stuck in their view of something and will not budge regardless of what anyone else has to say ever.

It can be a difficult thing to learn when to look at a comment and say to yourself, I am not even going to waste my time.

If you are just starting out blogging here is my advice.

If it feels like someone is just trying to be an asshole, fuck em. You don't ever owe anyone a response if they approach you in a disrespectful manner. You just don't.

That can even mean people who might have a point or have something to say but, when it is your space you have control of the universe and thus, if you say X commenter you are being a jerk and I don't want you in my space. That's it, that's all,

I also advise not to get hung up on who is reading your blog at whatever time period. It can be really easy to get worried that X person from X city according to your stat counter is reading. If you are producing content you care about or feel things about, you don't have to tailor it to suit X visitor.

You don't have to deal with people trying to piss in your litterbox because they find you unattractive or because they are assholes.

This isn't an easy thing. I myself was pretty primed for it but some of you aren't and that's okay.

The important thing is to learn one very valuable lesson.

At the point where someone you don't know who is flying under an anonymous handle says something that cuts you, think about this. 

Who the fuck are they and what the actual fuck do they have to do with you?

The answer to the latter is probably nothing.


They can't take anything from you, you probably don't want or need to fuck them anyway and you are just fine perambulating around your world whether or not that person(s) thinks your awful/ugly/whatever.

I have some advice I've been sitting on and look for that later on this week. No darlings I haven't forgotten about you at all.

AND we're going to talk more about ugliness in the age of the internets and I will confess to you my experiences years ago on Hot or Not.

Homo Out.



Veronica said...

"Furthermore, if all you have to say about any of the content and context of what I've said is, haha ur ugly, you lose."
Ain't that the truth!

Tempest Nightingale LeTrope said...

It took me until I was in my mid forties to realize that I don't give a flying flock if anyone thinks I'm pretty, and I really don't even want the majority of people thinking I'm sexy. If I were to find a man who would treat me right (one that wasn't gay--I do have awesome gay guy friends) I would hope that he would find me beautiful and sexy. Anyone else, I really don't even want them thinking of me that way. Yes, I do have a history of having been sexually assaulted, so terms such as "sexy" actually make me quite uncomfortable when applied to me.

Anonymous said...

As always, excellent. You should have a FB fan page. I would so join. :)

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