Monday, January 07, 2013

Stop congratulating me.

If you've read me for a while you may remember that last year, there stopped being local bus service in my neighborhood for the most part.

Basically outside of "normal" business hours, there is no bus service from my house to either downtown where I work or to the transit hub near my house. That being what it is I have been walking a lot.

I haven't used my pedometer in a while (though I got a new one for Christmas that I will be breaking out) but I walk even more.

Neither my partner nor I drive, we can't afford a car so if I want to do anything I have to walk.

Whenever anyone talks to me about how little they presume I move they assume a few things.

  1. I drive or have constant access to rides.
  2. That Door to Door from work to home or work to the grocery store is like across the street.
  3. That all the walking I do that is not on a treadmill or dedicated to Exercise time is worthless.
  4. That whatever size my ass happens to be at the moment that I am either the before picture or the mid weight-loss picture.
  5. That regardless of my actual feelings on the subject I am desperate to lose weight.
  6. That whatever I am doing, I need to be doing more of.
There are more but you get the jist.

Here's the thing world.

I don't need your fucking congratulations on how much I walk.

I don't do it to make you happy.

I don't even really do it for my health although it is part of what I do for my health.

I do it because I have shit to do.

It may come as a surprise to the Thin Universe, but yes this here fat ass has things to do that don't involve my actual weight.

Shocking. I know.

I have to go to work. I have to pay my bills. I have to grocery shop. I have errands to run and sundries to buy.

I don't run on my own schedule or whim, I run at the mercy of the public transit system.

Do I hate my walks?

Actually no. I have always loved walking as a form of relaxation and exercise.

What I don't love is people trying to involve themselves in it (sound familiar y'all?) by giving me their unsolicited metaphorical high fives because they perceive me as a fatty "doing something" about it.

Yes, I have lost some weight. That has been the result of an amalgam of the extra walking, being sick for a few weeks, losing some of what a dear friend calls misery weight and not always feeding myself properly.

Point of fact, I am not really enthused about these changes in my body. As a matter of fact earlier in the Winter it was a cause for some major anxiety and panic which is no bueno.

How my body is functioning right now is a bit of a mystery to me on the level that I'm not sure how much I need to eat, it's a struggle for me to remember to eat enough during the day. It is wreaking havoc with my already very delicate sleep cycle. I am not sure if I should buy nice clothes in the size I'm wearing now or should I wait to see if my weight will stabilize?

This is not fucking fun.

I don't want to be congratulated on what has been a cause of pain and anxiety for me.

I don't care if the intention is good. I don't need cheer-leading that really only has to do with the fact that the visible size of my ass is different and those cheer leading me have no real idea what's going on with my actual health.

Fuck off. Shove it in your bhole because I don't want to hear it.

No one needs to hear it unless they ask you for that kind of support. Full stop.

It is more appropriate to say, "hey I noticed you lost/gained some weight are you okay?"

That is a good question to ask someone you care about. Are you okay?

Even for those of us who are super fat or fat fatty fat fat fat, sudden changes to our bodies can be the harbinger of bad times just as much as they are for our thinner counterparts.

Understand that, bodily changes even weight loss are not always reasons to celebrate.

And let me say this again once and for all.

If your support of people who are gravely ill ever includes you saying, but you'll lose weight, you should headbutt the nearest wall.

For me, all I want is that people respect my frequent need to not discuss my walks with people who can't understand that yes they count towards my fitness even though it is not designated exercise time, that no I don't need their hoorays or support to live my day to day life, no I am not going to "share my secret", no this is not a New Years Resolution. No, I don't need your input or advice about it unless I ask you.

So my darlings that's all for now.

Tell me, have you had to have the conversation about how much you are pooping with anyone yet? Have you tried derailing diet talk you don't want with poop talk, period talk, pee talk, fiber talk, boogers etc?

If you need some support, feel free to tell someone who takes you to task for talking about pooping or farting that your very smart very ladylike friend Shannon says a.) everybody poops and b.) if you can't talk to me about my poops you don't care about my health.

Homo Out.



Fat Woman said...

Wow! I love this post. A random twitter link led me here and I think I love you too. Nails on the head all the way through that piece.

Veronica said...

"hey I noticed you lost/gained some weight are you okay?"
This is perfect. Because ignoring it when people visibly lose or gain weight doen't feel right to me when they're someone I'm close with. And if they're not okay someone asked, so they have an opportunity to talk about it. If they are okay, then that's always good to know (when it's someone I care for).

Tori said...

Tell me, have you had to have the conversation about how much you are pooping with anyone yet?

As a fat person who also has some chronic GI issues, I am amazed by how often I link the two (weight/diet/etc. and talking about my poop) in casual conversation.

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