Someone sent me a question a while back, er a comment I guess telling me all the reasons I am supposed to be famous on the internets by now.
She is astonished and puzzled as to why I am not as famous as she thinks I should be.
I've talked about this a little bit in the past.
Here's the thing.
There are a lot of reasons why. Among them are the fact that my little blog is not the easiest for the general populace to digest.
Over the let's say past six years or so, I've hurt a lot of feelings because I am not the sort of blogger to hold hands when I feel like my space or boundaries have been violated.
For instance, recently I posted this entry about racism in the Leather community and some recent events that led me to say how much I am wary of White Queers.
Some folks understood. I got one note from a now former reader who was very upset about how because of my "strident" stance about racism and how I express myself surrounding race issues, decided it was personal and needed to tell me that I hurt their feelings with my anger and they won't read me anymore.
I replied Girl bye.
I am not here for that.
The fact is, I will not kowtow to the feelings of other people when they are too wrapped up in their own feelings and entitlement issues to respect me, my feelings or my space.
That's just it.
That is not something fame, even internet fame tends to tolerate.
Also as I've pointed out before, I am not a Nice White Lady.
When it comes to most everything including blogging, and often being a widely read blog the default (especially in America) is the image of the Nice White Lady who is pretty and whatnot.
I am not that lady.
I have heard from former, fleeting and regular readers that because I am outside of this normative view, some folks can't deal. For some folks this is why they come back, others don't because I am not the droids they are looking for.
I am frankly too okay with not being the droids for everyone.
I am very comfortable with who I am and how I express myself in my own space.
One of the problems of being a Famous Blogger or even having it be a lucrative thing for me is as I've had issues with, I have a potty mouth.
If I say fuck, let us assume I absolutely mean to use the word fuck and did not use another word on purpose. Even when it's come to adult things (sex toys etc) this is a problem.
Not much money beyond a few pennies from my Babeland, Amazon and Detrivore affiliate things.
I'm very okay with these things.
I am entirely disinterested in being the educational point of contact for everyone who can't or won't deal with, own, or learn about privilege etc. I just can't. I tried for a while and I find it too emotionally taxing.
Now that we have that out of the way let me say this.
Those of you who have sent me notes and asked me these questions thank you. I don't know how I can properly express how much it means to me when you tell me that you needed to hear my voice.
It means more to me that I have reached out into the universe and touched so many of you in your heart area. I know that getting a check cut is nice. It is really nice.
What feels better to me is when you tell me, holy shit I never thought of that. Or, that I made you think, or that you want to hug me, or that you come here because you just think I'm neat.
So my homies and haters, I am not mad that I am not a famous blogger.
I'm not mad that I am not the voice of a generation.
I don't need to be.
I only need to be the voice you need to hear.
I am here for that.
Later this week, we're going to talk about my upcoming 36th birthday, the ONE thing about aging that I cannot deal with, my health, the size of my ass and other stuff.