Being that I have lost some visible weight in the last six months or so I find it interesting the way the language people use with me about my body has changed.
Between the unwanted congratulations and people asking me what my "secret" is, the change in language is interesting and again sheds light on the lie that is the cry of I am JUST WORRIED ABOUT YOUR HEALTH.
Someone I see every now and then during my commute is one of the people who has asked me what my super secret for weightloss is.
She is about my age, probably a few sizes smaller than me. Smaller than average and not visibly fat at all.
So at the transit center she asked the question, what's your secret?
I looked at her and answered as honestly as I could.
Stress, illness and more stress.
She kind of flubbered for a minute, muttered congratulations on your weightloss and scampered away.
This is the same woman who wanted to talk to me about my risk of developing diabetes, high blood pressure etc without knowing anything about me except that I am a fat person.
Now common sense would dictate, if in fact she and a number of other people were in fact super concerned about my health, that instead of congratulating me on my stress and illness fueled weightloss, would say, oh are you okay?
I'm fairly certain that modern medicine tells us that our number one killer is in fact stress.
In the last few years I've had stresses in droves, occasionally to the point of causing me serious panic attacks and anxiety. Exacerbating my insomnia and causing my immune system to be compromised.
Also yes, yes I've lost some weight.
In light of the many terrible things that my stress levels could cause, why is it that people who are so concerned about my health overlook all those things just because my ass is smaller?
I've had it happening on the internets as well.
Of the dozen or so people who have anonymously congratulated me on being a smaller fatty, not one of them has seemed at all concerned about my actual health.
So again I am left with the distinct impression that no, nobody who wanted me to lose weight in the first place actually cared about my real health.
If you cared about my real health, you might have said, please take care of yourself. Watch out for your stress levels blablabla.
Or you know if you are really so worried about me dropping dead of all of the FAT THINGS, just ask if I'm okay and mean it.
If what you care about is me "looking" healthy, fuck you.
Fuck you, fuck your curiosity, fuck your fake concern and keep your opinions about my looks to yourself.
That's it really.
If you want to play the what about my tax dollars/healthcare card, you can also shut your fucking mouth.
Here's the thing.
I have a job, I have health insurance.
How I use that health insurance and for what is none of your business.
If I was getting Medicaid, or Medicare, or county health or going to planned parenthood, it's also none of your business.
If you are truly worried about these things, as I have challenged before how come those of you who have the MY HEALTH INSURANCE DOLLARS battle cry, never ask if I"ve had a pap smear lately?
Why don't you ask me how my last mammogram was?
Why not ask me how my bowel movements are?
Ask me about the consistency of my menstrual blood and how my periods are doing?
Why don't you ask me about that sniffle I"ve had for weeks?
Why don't you ask about that rash I have on my thigh?
Too personal? Too invasive?
If you wouldn't walk up to a stranger and ask them if their butthole is doing well, why would you think it is any less rude and invasive to talk to strangers about their weight?
Every time you comment about another human beings weight and skip commenting on their poop, urine frequency smell and color, farts or lack of, snot etc you are lying not only to yourself but to every one else about caring about the health of another person.
Caring about my health means you have to care about more than the size of my ass. You have to care about my awful farts, my migraines, the ingrown hairs I get, my worry about what I think could be signs of IBS, my insomnia, my delicate immune system, my inability to eat fruit sometimes.
Ask me about the things that don't just show in the size of my ass.
Don't want to do all that?
At least stop lying to yourself and everyone else about what a good caring person you are because in this case, you aren't.
If the only aspect of my health that matters to you is the size of my ass.
You are a superficial liar.
The worst is that you lie to yourself and convince yourself that you are absolutely in the right. That is the tragedy of it all.
You might be a caring person. You might be a super nice person.
You are making yourself look like an asshole.
It's hard to stop but if you really care about the state of healthcare in America or how to keep our children healthy etc, you have to stop. You have to stop only caring about the look of things and get into the how of them.
Want to be angry about escalating health care costs? How about getting angry about how there is such a deep and awful lack of access to basic health care for so many people?
How about getting angry when doctors behave like you do and only care about the size of my ass and not what I can actually be treated for or am worried about?
Get angry about fat people being misdiagnosed to death.
Get angry about poor people not having access to life saving cancer screenings.
Get angry about some children being bullied by the people who are supposed to care for them and build them up as awesome little humans.
Get angry about the things that could really change how healthcare works.
Or sit and stew in your own nasty depthlessness.
Just keep it out of my yard and away from my ass.