Monday, June 10, 2013

So eternally grateful.

So something so huge I can't even say how much it means to me happened today.

Someone bought me a laptop.

The chromebook I've been trying to save for and failing because of bills and food.

I've mentioned it but my desktop is on her last legs. I've had her for about ten years and we've been through me learning how to build a computer, rebuilds, hotswapping drives, me learning how to master windows xp, learning how to code HTML, two moves, three monitors, several video and audio cards. I've written thousands of words on her,  I've lost thousands of words on her.

I've been slowly moving files into google drive and working from there. Her dvd deck pooped itself so I haven't been able to burn off backups. It's been a thing.

And then this morning just after I got to work Uniballer said there was a mystery box. Neither of us had ordered anything recently so I told him to open it just in case it was something we needed to return and inside...


First Uniballer sent me an all caps holy shit call home right now message and I was afraid it was landlord business or something and he read me the note and I sat here at my desk at work fighting tears.

I'm fighting tears right now.

This is among the kindest most wonderful things anyone has done for me.

I just...you guys.

I look back on the kindness of strangers over the years. Friends from the internet who bought me food when I didn't have any, the person who bought me pants that at the time were too small but now hilariously fit.

Donations to help me get some thing edited professionally.

All the people who bought my self care book (it's not available just now I am reworking it).

The people who have stuck around this here little spot even when shit is mean.

now this.

I have to be honest, I almost had a panic attack. Such depths of generosity aimed my way break me in the most wonderful way.

Sometimes life is full of bullshit and stress. Dealing with bullshit and microagressions and all the other bullshit that comes along with perambulating the earth in my body. 

And then this.

And you guys.

Homies you are why I'm still here. A big part of my reason for being and doing and writing is that it is important to me to feel like I am doing my part to make the universe a better place for those of us who are on the outside of things. And you all help me fulfill that need.

So before I start sobbing at my desk (seriously) 

Thank you.

Thank you K for believing in my writing and me and sending me the one thing I've been needing the most. A machine to work on safely. You have saved me so much worry and grief. I can't even express how thankful I am. 

Thank you readers. Yes you homies. Thank you for doing self care with me, and telling me how you are doing. I care about you and I want all of us to if not be okay to at least feel a little better. Thank you for coming here and even if you're shy, thank you for reading.

Thank you for being awesome and never making being here unpleasant.

Thank you for reminding me when I need to be nicer to myself.

Thank you.

Thank you for everything.

I love you.

Homo Out.

PS...
I am breaking one of my own rules and cross posting this at my writing blog. 


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