Monday, September 16, 2013

My Body Reminds me.

Lately,I've been getting more exercise during my day to day activities than usual. This weekend Uniballer and I super cleaned our apartment. I did a lot of heavy physical work and was reminded of several things.

First thing is that my body doesn't do what I want it to when I'm physically exhausted. Even though I lifted, scrubbed, moved etc and my body was done I still had an awful time falling asleep. Once upon a time I habitually worked out to the point of physical collapse because I fully believed if I just exercised enough, ALL my problems would be solved.

At the time yes I got thinner but I also very seriously exacerbated my insomnia. Not just my insomnia but I also did a lot of extra damage to my joints and frankly the consequences outweighed the benefits of my rigorous no pain no gain exercise routine.

Lesson is, self don't do that. It's rude, and you just wind up sleepy and sore.

Second thing is I am for serious bad at keeping my blood sugar up especially when I'm active. At one point I was just going going and scrubbing walls and shit like a boss and then...I was almost in tears, and I was shaking.

Uniballer was busy and I kind of got in bed and was despairing and on the verge of a panic attack. It wasn't until I was teary and wanting to sleep did I realize I hadn't eaten in hours or had anything but coffee or water.

Lesson two. Listen to your body self. It sends distress signals and you should heed them unless you want to collapse in a panicky mess.

One of the self care issues I battle with is not ignoring my body. 

This is something I am not good at. For many intersecting reasons I am not always as attuned to the goings on in my body than I could be.

Some of those reasons include coming from a background where it was hard for me to take a day off if I was sick. Not having money to eat regularly all day long. Etc etc.

I mistake hunger for thirst, I tell myself that fuck my hurt feelings/low blood sugar/hurting whatever I WILL do the things. ALL of them regardless of what those things might be. Frankly I exhaust the fuck out of myself with my own bullshit.

This my friends is where I remember to tell people I trust that sometimes I forget to eat. They will remind me. Sometimes it's a gentle, have you eaten? Other times it's a friend telling me bitch will you shut the fuck up and go get something to eat.

Whatever works.

I've had kind of an intense last few weeks. From training someone at work to doing a serious grown up writer thing and I will tell y'all about that later. I've also not been sleeping much per usual so shit has been kinda rough.

And per usual when I am stressed out my skin starts looking kind of rough and my hair is a little neglected. 

I'm fixing that.

Or working on it at least.

More water, using my good skin care shit. You know the drill.

I am dealing fairly well with my stress. I'm trying to keep myself fed and hydrated. I'm not constantly freaking out about my broken front tooth. The tooth is one of those things that I will obsess over. I was already self conscious about my teeth and then right in the self esteem, a big ass left hook.

I know some of y'all think I am super great at self care.

I'm not really. 

I'm not any better at it than you are.  I just know myself and how to unfuck myself.

You can do it too. No really. Even if you had a routine, and it has since fallen to pieces. You can do it again.

Drink some water. Have something to eat. Have a walk, have a nap, have a cuddle with your dog, roll around in your front yard, dance around naked, 

You can start right this instant.

Take a big deep breath. Let it out.

Tell yourself okay, some shit is bad right now but I can make it. Now self DO THE THING and then I want you to do the thing you need to do.

If you have nothing to do may I suggest a god bootyshake break?

Queue up your music, move your hindquarters until you don't want to anymore and you win.

Homo Out.


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