Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Things I've said before.

When it comes to my years of blogging there is one thing that irritates me beyond everything.

Lately as a result of the #solidarityisforwhitewomen tag on twitter, a lot of White women suddenly realize that WOC exist, have shit to say and that it's apparently not awesome to be coming from a racist place.



I understand that until a Nice white Lady says something is true, other Nice White Ladies can't accept it. I understand that and yet I cannot for the life of me not be irritated as fucking shit when I see article after article that basically regurgitates the work of WOC.

This is something I take very personally and as hard as I've tried not to, I can't help it.

I've seen it in fat blogland and FA in general, I see it on huffpo, I see it on facebook, I see it on tumblr.

It just lights me up.

What gets me is that in spite of what I hope are earnest Nice White Ladies trying to do something about these things, is they NEVER refer back to the WOC who have already said these things.


This leads me to believe that these Nice White Ladies don't actually give a hot fuck about intersectionality. It's just a word to them.

A thing to be talked about and sometimes they will say things that sound nice and give them an opportunity to pat each other on the back about how committed they are to intersectionality and diversity but when it comes to doing things beyond lip service like:

  1. Shutting up.
  2. At the very least paying some sort of homage/respect to the work of WOC in particular.
  3. Not only having Nice White Ladies write Nice things for each other.

When it comes to Fat Acceptance in particular I have seen more fat WOC driven away by this flavor of bullshit than I care to think about and I totally understand.

It's beyond frustrating to do this type of work, to talk about these things from a non-academic unsafe personal point of view only to see that our work and our words are so often left out. In FA spaces we have to deal with microagressions, tone policing, "you go girl" neck rolling finger snapping nonsense and it's just too much.

Also please note these are very much part of the reason why my little blog here is not for everyone. This as I keep saying is not FA/Feminism/Anti Racism 101 let's hold hands and be shiny and happy together type thing.

It's just not.

This is also a lot of the reason why my posts get sparse. I just get fed up and tired of putting in the work and seeing shit I've said MANY times woven into shit other people are writing.

Frankly at that point I'd rather stick to my professional authoring and save it for essays.

And then I remember that this is my fucking space and I do what I want.

Right now I'm thinking about what more I want to do with my little space here.

I don't know.

I'm annoyed. I feel a lot of anger on the behalf of my fellow WOC especially my fellow fatties who have important shit to say but can't be arsed to play on the FA playground because of erasure and the constant need to break down why a lot of specific things are a problem and why we don't want to deal with it.

To that end let us establish some rules for my sandbox.

  1. Do not bring the "fat is the last acceptable predjudice" shit into my yard. Google why I don't like it.
  2. Nothing is EVER the "New Black" in the context of struggles.
  3. Do not bring your kumbayah let's all hold hands and pretend like race doesn't exist nonsense here either. Don't.
  4. White Womens tears will be used to keep my skin youthful and glowing.
  5. Using my current weight as some sort of validation that FA is bullshit will get you mocked. Mercilessly.
  6. No I'm still not a feminist and will not reconsider right now. 
  7. Yes I have extremely good reasons for #6.
I think that's all the rules I need for right now.

If you are new here don't trip over yoursef o tell me how you're not like X because if your first instinct is to yell about your hurt feelings/generalizations/try to shut me down with your feelings I'm not here for that.

So that's all.

Later this week I'm probably going to talk about ome things that have gone on since my mystery weightloss, my health, the assumptions I've been dealing with and how I really feel about it.

Until then.

Homo Out.



Laura (dusty_rose) said...

Ugh, I *hate* the "fat-phobia is the last acceptable prejudice" bullshit.

For what it's worth, the author of the HuffPo piece (if I'm thinking of the same one that you are - this one?) did link to four pieces by women of color, as well as Mikki Kendall's Twitter. So, that's something....

Mary said...

Wow. I don't know you; I haven't read much that you've written, but I respect and admire you. Thank you for sharing--we need more people like you.
Yet I can't help but feel frustrated--yes, I know, you warned me. And I'm sure you've got greater reasons to be frustrated with society than I do: I am, after all, a white woman. Or girl. Somewhere in between.
I'm frustrated that you judge white women as a whole. I've yet to graduate from high school, and I don't take credit for what women of color (or other white women, or anyone else for that matter)say or do. At the very least, I try not to.
I would imagine one of the most frustrating things you might hear is white, skinny, straight, male, or other-wise privileged people saying that "they understand."
I guess what I'm trying to say is that there are white women (and people of every size, color, orientation, etc.) who realize that they don't understand.

Mary said...

Also. (Still Mary here)

You don't need to respond to my comment about being frustrated. I'm just sharing, because that's what you're doing and I appreciate your honesty, so I thought to include mine.
The more I read that you've written, though, the more I realize that you don't want to hear about a few white women being frustrated. Fair enough.
You say at some point (I forget which post) that not being prejudiced is hard work--and I totally agree. I will fully admit to having prejudice at some level, certainly not a conscious one, against different people. Not necessarily a negative prejudice, mind, just judging based on appearance. I want you to know, I do my very best to limit this as much as possible.
As a member of some of the groups facing the microaggressions (LGBTQ and fat) I'd like to apologize for possibly furthering your frustration. I stand by what I said, but I accept that it isn't about my frustration in this matter, insignificant as it is to yours.
Also, thank you for the freedom to use the word "fat". Do you know how long it's been since I said fat?!!!! Fat fat fat. I'm fat. A lot of people are fat.
Fat homo saying thanks.

Laura (dusty_rose) said...

Mary, I can't speak for Shannon, but the way I see it, "nice white ladies" doesn't white women who exhibit certain behaviors (like erasure of WOC,refusing to acknowledge their white privilege, etc). Just like "nice guys" refers not to all men, but to guys who do sexist things and then whine about how women won't date them because they're too nice.

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