Tuesday, October 15, 2013

No one is talking about you in particular.

First I want you to go have a looksy at this article by Marianne over at Xojane. Yes I know just read it.

Now go ahead and read a few comments.

One thing that happens whenever people talk about cultural things, societal things, systemic things is that someone always makes it about them on a personal level.

This happened here in this entry. 

I see it happen in any conversation about bodies, feminism, etc.

There are always people who say but, BUT IN MY LIFE....

Now here is a lesson on how to tell if a subject let's say it's about clean eating like Marianne was talking about is about you in particular or is trying to tell you what to do shall we?

Now had Marianne (I'll use myself as an example) said Shannon the way you talk about clean eating grosses me out, it would be about me personally.

At that point I would be smart to say well Marianne in my life this is a thing and it's a good thing etc etc.

If Marianne said, (as she did) the way people talk about clean eating in general and the connotations with the idea of some food being clean and others dirty is problematic, that doesn't have my name on it

This is also a problem when totally not racist people, make any discussion about racism focus or center on their thoughts, lives or experiences whether or not they are salient to the conversation.

One of the problems is that we all think we are always right. If eating clean works for us then it must be the answer to everyone's problems.

If fresh produce is readily available where you live, it must be like that everywhere right?

If it's feasible for you to take every set of stairs you see, then it MUST be feasible for everyone else right?

If it's good for you to exercise until you vomit or injure yourself, it MUST be good for everyone else.

If it's good for you to gain little or no weight while pregnant and emerge from pregnancy "better than ever" that is what we should all do right?

Y'all are smart you see what I'm doing.

This is called prescriptive attitudes. It is also being a jackhole bossypants.

There is a special kind of narcissism that gives a person such an inflated sense of moralistic righteousness.

Most humans don't tend to tolerate this on a micro level. We don't like people shoving their religions down our throats or telling us we are not allowed to wear something etc. It is a problem.

If you are one of the kind of people I"m talking about here is a tip to remember. Not every issue that is talked about is about you, your personal beliefs or choices.

You on a personal level can eat, fuck, wear, or believe in whatever you want. That is dandy, in fact it's pretty fucking awesome.

On a macro level, these things have deep implications that merit discussion. See again Marianne's point about the problem of what it means when we call something clean vs dirty. As lovely Marianne and I because it's a great phrase keep saying words mean things.

The other thing that means things?

Macro vs Micro.

Macro is big. It is society, it is culture, it is systemic things. Big. Macro. Large.

Micro is smaller. Micro is your neighborhood, your life, your ass,  your choices.

Here is where I think people lose the thread. Your micro is not the same as mine. That is not bad, it'snot divisive. It is even  not that difficult to figure out.

All you really have to do is not be an asshole. Don't assume because something is good or works for you that everyone must do that thing.

If reading this made you feel defensive, you may be one of the people I'm talking about. Calm down if you are. It's okay. You may need to work on some shit or flounce off into the sunset. Either way if you are one of these people now you know how the rest of us feel about you sometimes.

Now how do you deal with this? Remind yourself that not everyone has to live your particular life. Not everyone can speak to your particular experience especially in a personal space. Your world is not the whole world.

Say it again with me, your world is not the whole word.

That's it for now.

Homo Out.


1 comment:

witchyvixen said...

"jackhole bossypants" is my new most favorite thing.

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