Monday, November 25, 2013

Oh Jezebel Really? Again?

So yet again a writer at Jezebel has expressed their super edgy unpopular opinion all abut how entirely not empowering the selfie is.

I'm not going to play clickbait but I will say again, feminists this is why nobody wants to play with you.

Now let's talk about the selfie.

Essentially a selfie is you with your camera or camera phone showing the world a thing.

It might be your face, your outfit, your hair, your shoes, your butt whatever.

When it comes to people who are under or poorly represented in visual media (fat people, POC, Trans* people, not mainstream attractive people etc etc) when you stand on a soapbox and proclaim selfies to be unimportant you are doing a few things.

First you are riding the high horse of (let us be honest here) women do stupid things and this is a stupd thing so women don't do it anymore. Because most often criticism of the selfie is directed at people who present as or identify as women.

Second you are assuming that the person posting their selfie (I'll use myself, fat black queer blablabla) already has access to a lot of images of people who look like them.

Third you are being a fucking jerk.

Here's what this author and most criticisms of the selfie (including the sexy or naked ones) fail to understand.

Representation is very important. From Childhood through adulthood and beyond. A quick google search could give you probably thousands of stories about people who after being exposed to a lot of unretouched pictures of people like themselves have boosted self esteem. Ask some fatties who have been around fat fashion circles for a long time how it feels to know that yes, yes  fat people can and are doing fashion.

Ask any child of color how excited they are when they can see kids like them on tv.

This shit is not new and it is not that fucking hard.

The next thing is presentation.

If we assume that there is no power in presenting yourself to the world as you want to be seen, we can agree that no selfies really don't matter.

But there is more than ample evidence that having the self esteem, freedom and ability to express ourselves and present ourselves to the world like YEAH MOTHER FUCKERS HERE I AM, is vital.

Not only is it vital but it is what?

Absolutely the meaning of empowerment.

The pressure to be Thin White and Beautiful but not too beautiful is a hell of a thing. Those of us who are outside and far outside of the Western Beauty ideal (thin white and pretty) spend a lot of our lives either trying very hard to get in at least glancing distance of Thin White and Pretty or we spend a lot of time fighting that.

Now when a person decides no fuck that I am not doing that anymore that is powerful.

The no fucks given about your beauty ideals attitude is beyond liberating.

Taking it to the next level and really working and living that, super extra liberating.

Documenting that process and not only being there for yourself and your face or your ass or your tits, is being there for every person who spends hours trying to retouch themselves or shuns cameras entirely.

When I started posting pictures of myself on the internet years ago the first thing that happened was "friends"saying I was pretty but who would then photoshop me. They fixed my cheekbones, my skin discolorations, my make up, they slimmed me down, they did the things that society says we should do before showing ourselves to the internet.

What happened was I stopped taking pictures. I stopped showing my face because in this process of "refinement" I was being told very clearly that I was not good enough as I am.

That was also a time when I would not let people see me without my hair done and make up on. I was ashamed of my naked face.

That suffice to say fucked me up for a very long time.

And then something else happened.

I started wearing a lot of outrageous bold intense make up and taking pictures of myself.

I forced myself to look at my face.

I posted the pictures where you can totally see that I am slightly cock eyed, I posted the zitty face pics, the pictures where my foundation wasn't blended evenly.

I took them. I looked at them.

I learned that no my face is not the most terrible thing in the world.

I realized that other people felt that way about their faces.

These selfies before they were selfies helped me to begin the process of giving not on fuck about what people have to say about how I look.

I got a lot of hate mail. I got creepy fetish mail. People stole my photo in order to compare me to Biggie Smalls or put on bad make up blogs.

I got threatened. Someone decided to try and dox me. I was told I was going to be followed and raped.

Now fast forward to 2013.

As with all flavors of bullshit the good has meant more to me.

When a young (like a baby she could be my kid) Black girl messaged me on flickr telling me that she wanted to wear bright make up so bad but thought he was too dark and ugly until she saw my pictures made me cry.

When a person with a body very similar to mine saw an outfit post I did they sent me a message on LJ I think it was telling me that I gave them HOPE.

So what can a selfie do?

The selfie can save a life.

The selie can transform someone from thinking they are the worst to having some hope.

The selfie can teach us that we CAN show how human and weird looking we are and we can celebrate ourselves.

The selfie can put a whole new level of visibility on disabled people, fat people, POC, Queers, People with non normative bodies.

The selfie can make us feel fucking sexy.

It can become the bedrock of us learning that no, NO we do not have to adhere to or aspire to Whiteness.

So to that writer I say fuck you and your edginess.

To the rest of you I say take that selfie. Post the fuck out of it.

And I will conclude with a selfie and a small announcement at the end of this post. This one is from last week/couple of weeks ago. My phone is kind of broken so I didn't instagram it. I will let y'all know when I am instagramming again.

And an announcement.
I have started an official dedicated beauty blog. I want to focus on brown people but everyone can read it. that here on tumblr. And I believe you can get an rss feed for it but let me know if that doesn't work.

Also there are now 3 stories available for download in my etsy store.  And I am planning on rereleasing my self care guide at some point and as someone suggested I am probably going to put together a greatest hits from this here lil blog thing together.

Any suggestions for that? Favorite posts? I ill edit them a bit but I'll put them together.


Wednesday, November 13, 2013

More reasons why I do not trust White Feminists.

This may or may not wind up being coherent. I don't care.

Here's the thing.

I do not trust White feminists.

Now I'm not doing links right now you can google shit for yourself.

I say I am not a feminist and will not identify as one.


Lots of them lately.

Right now my problem is crickets.

What is crickets?

Crickets is silence.

White feminists lose their shit over a lot of things but when it comes to women of color, crickets.

With all of the outrage about Pussy Riot where was that same fervor for Cece McDonald? For Marissa Alexander? For Quvenzhane’ Wallis when a popular satirical website called her a cunt? For Renisha McBride?

Where were White Feminists when the twitter hashtag #blackgirlsrock was co-opted by bitter angry White people? Where was the fervor when the hashtag #stopblackgirls2013 was trending?

Where were White feminists when Miley Cyrus and now Lilly Allen are using WOC as ornaments? Why stand up for Miley because people talked about her ass without mentioning how fucking racist all that was? Why aren't the majority of White feminists fapping to high heaven about Lilly Allen's new song, also listening/understanding that satire is understood but the time for using WOC as props, especially in contrast to lines like:

"I don’t need to shake my ass for you because I got a brain"
While having only WOC scantily clad and shaking their asses for the camera and for Ms. Allen's apparent amusement?

Why are we still using Black Bodies this way? Why in this feminist anthem is this supposed to be okay?

Why when during the aftermath of #solidarityisforwhitewomen things came around again to White women's feelings?

Why will feminists rally unquestioningly around racist shit and remain silent when people of color are murdered?

Why are our supposed allies quick to want to jump into any conversation about bodies, twerking, hair or colorism but when more voices are needed, when it is right and proper to be fucking outraged, crickets?

The minute WOC could actually benefit from the voices of our supposed allies, silence. Until after the fact or someone "feels bad".

Here is the deal White feminism.

You can't have it the way you want it. Intersectionality is a thing it is real and if you are not doing it, or engaging with it or making the effort to understand it you are doing it wrong.

 To quote Flavia Dzodan again.

You can't be anti-racist or say you are not racist if you are not trying. The lip service to intersectionality, diversity and concern for WOC is not enough anymore. It just isn't.

It is 20-mother fucking-13.  I will say again that there are more resources freely available for everyone from the layperson to the major academic, to understand why these things are problems.

There are hundreds if not thousands of amazing POC bloggers who have been saying this shit for fucking ever.

There is absolutely no reason this needs to keep happening and yet it does.

To wind up let me say fuck your feminism. Fuck your feelings. Fuck your  commentary. Fuck your anthems. Fuck your feelings.

Homo Out.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

A little less serious.

Hello again my darlings.

I've been on a bit of an unplanned but necessary hiatus.

I have found myself in a place of complete emotional exhaustion. The last few months has been so full of the type of racism that gets under my skin and just hurts me so I've put myself in the corner for a time out.

No news.

Little facebooking.

Heavily censored tumblr.

And I feel a little better.

I can't really process anything serious right now so let's fashion shall we?

Last weekend my partner and I went out and did some puttering then came home and he made me a hell of a hot toddy.

First my favorite recipe.

You need:
1 awesome tea cup
Cinnamon Whiskey
Tea. My personal favorite is Good Earth'sSweet n Spicy.

Boil water use 2 tea bags and brew it up nice n strong. Add booze to taste. Enjoy. This tea/booze combo is particularly good to have with some apple or pear slices and fancy cheese.

Toddy in hand and my partner snoring I did a little mega deal shopping.

Target which used to be my go to for basics has gotten themselves onto my shitlist. Instead I turned to Kmart.

Two things. First of all their website is kind of a mess to navigate. Second of all I got some cute things.

Between the Jrs plus sizes and the womens sizes I got a cardigan, some shirts, a pair of Dickie's pants (which I will review after I wear them) and a few other things for less than 60$.

Now homies here are some of my discount shopping forever tips.

  1. ALWAYS have your measurements on hand. Write them down and keep them in a notepad doc on your desk top. If you are unable to do that measure your favorite pair of pants and use those measurements. 
  2. Don't limit yourself to the tag size. Especially for Death Fatties. I am talking to you. Something may say it is a 28 but if it is a stretchy garment sometimes it is worth it to give it a shot.
  3. Don't limit yourself to certain stores. Even Death Fat folks. Especially for broke people always check size charts to make sure.
  4. Coupons and email lists. If you don't like getting a lot of non personal email here is what you do. Set yourself up a new gmail address and use it to harvest ALL the email lists and sales. Also take notes. A lot of stores (I can immediately think of Woman Within) give you a coupon code on sign up. Most of the time you don't get it until after your first order so here's what you do. Get together what you want, then sign up. Use the coupon code and make your order. Always get the newsletters.
  5. Keep track of what you need. I normally separate things into basics (shirts, pants, underwear, plain socks), Fancy bits (fancy skirts fancy socks, fancy tights etc) and Serious Business (coats, boots, bags). 
  6. Look for stuff in unexpected places.
Let's use underwear as an example. I'm not talking awesome sexy underwear, just regular period acceptable undies. I like Hanes. I went to Big Lots a couple of weeks ago and they had a whole bin of various Hanes undies on sale for 3-4$ a pack in sizes 7-11. Also think about stuff like pantyhose, ankle socks, trouser socks. Look at places like drug stores, Big Lots et. And always take the time to dig through the bin.

Next up keep your options open. I like to save up/make my budget and then go through my sale emails when I'm ready to buy. 

What else?

If you can afford it buy two.

Example. I have one pair of pants that fit really well from Old navy. I bought them on super sale and looking back I should have gotten two because we all know Old Navy has awful quality control when it comes to fit.

It is worth it especially for plus size people. 

Next thing is to decide what you will and won't pay major dollars for. Personally I won't pay a lot of money for stuff like plain tees, yoga pants, or underwear.

I will spend as much as I can afford on things like boots, bags (I paid full price for a Chrome bag dudes, best investment ever). 

For me I base it on what will serve me. I have sensitive little fat feet, and I need good shoes. I have only recently come to terms with this and am till struggling with it a bit because I am a sucker for super cute cheap ballet flats.

What else can you do?

For folks outside of the US it is time for some teamwork. Canadians I'm lookin at you.

Go in on orders with another person. The easiest way to do that is have one person be the holder/payer of the monies. Get your order together and make it. Person who is the holder of the monies splits up the booty and sends it out. Get a bunch of people in on it. Especially if you shop say Torrid because you can get some good coupons for spending over 100$. 

Fatty powers activate.

Have a trade. If you know other at folks anywhere close to you, whomever has a living room can host a swap. Social media makes it super easy to organize. Make a facebook group, make it as private as you need to, invite friends. Have cupcakes and tea and swap. Anything left over donate to your local shelter or other charities.

Ebay searches. Save goo searches. If you need a specific type of shirt, try different search strings then when ou hit paydirt save it.

Sell your extra stuff. You can use tumblr or LJ etc, Big Cartel or whatever and open up your closet. Save the money to buy yourself cool stuff. You can also trade that way.

Also when you find something don't be stingy.If you're not buying it share with your friends. IF you are on ebay and see a fantastic size 26 rockabilly frock, share that shit on social media. 

My point is also that shopping doesn't have to be a solo experience or even be terrible. Show your friends shit you find, spread the word about sales or coupons, before giving up on a garment or tossing it ask if someone else needs it.

Now if Uniballer and I can get our shit together I will post pictures of my Kmart goodies.

And in other news I have opened a new little Etsy store where I will be selling original bits of writing. Currently there's only one erotica story available but I will be adding stuff as we go along. Feel free to follow and heart and stuff. 

Eventually after I replace my PC (she died RIP) and get a printer I might do some other arty writing things. Stay tuned.

That's all.

Homo Out.


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