Are you ready?
Here we go.
If you fuck up and I mean royally Ani DiFranco thinking a former plantation is a great place to hold a creative gathering level fuck up, or if you hurt someone's feelings, or if you say something supremely stupid because you really don't know better, or if you step on someone's food or their life here is what you do.
You look at the person/internet/situation and do like this here:
I am so sorry I hurt you.
And then you wait.
What you don't do is justify why you hurt someone, don't tell them that you think you were right but, don't say anything but I am so sorry.
You don't say you were drunk, or one time a Black person was mean to you so you acted out, you don't blame the person you trespassed against for "interpreting" you wrong.
You say you are fucking sorry.
You don't talk shit.
You don't whine about how "bullied" you feel because people hold you responsible for the words coming out of your mouth, virtually or in meat space.
You don't get to play the victim because you weren't trying to be sizest, or sexist, or racist or just an asshole in general.
You don't pen screeds against the concept of being "PC" because when you say that, to those of us who live in the margins you are saying it is too hard for yu to think about us seriously and it's just too hard not to be a douchebag.
It is no revelation of practicing free speech, it is not edgy, it is not a radical position.
If you decide it is too PC to speak respectfully to people who are not you, you are not special you are just like eery other asshole on the planet.
Doubly so if you are speaking from a position of deep privilege and your issue with being PC is that you got caught being an asshole.
All you have to do when shit hits the fan is this.
- Shut the fuck up.
- Say I am sorry.
- Shut the fuck up.
- Learn some shit.
- Shut the fuck up.
That's all you have to do.
No I'm serious. You don't need to respond to every criticism, you don't need to justify your original shit action or reaction, you just need to be quiet nd listen for a bit and say you are sorry.
Want to level up?
Instead of riding in the victim seat when you get caught, stand up and say hey I fucked up by participating in racism/sizeism/sexism/ableism/etc. You say that you are working on it, you are listening and then you shut the entire fuck up.
It will be really hard. You might cry. It might really hurt your feelings, you might have an anxiety attack, you might have people tweet or facebook really mean things about you.
This is the point to put your helmet on and take your victim pants off.
This is like when you have to take the consequences of causing a car accident, or if you break something where the policy is you break it you bought it.
Want to be a boss level Ally?
When you fuck up, apologize, shut up and listen.
Do not take your hurt feelings, tears and claims that being criticized is buyllying to the people you've offended or hurt. Just don't.
Here look at this via the calming Manatee.
If you can internet, you can learn this.
If you can say you're sorry for bumping int someone on the street, you can say I'm sorry I hurt you when you hurt someone.
You know me, I won't lie to you.
This is next level shit. It is beyond hard. It is embarrassing, scary and sometimes hazardous to our mental health but it is imperative that if we are going to really do the dirty work of starting to change the isms, we also have to learn to say we're sorry.
That is my gift to you.
You can do it. I have faith in you and I have faith in me.
Now that we're done with that let me say thank you to the Christmas gift sending elves. I find the holidays infuriating and stressful and you made it better.
I love you my homies.
I really do. Those of you who have stuck with me through bullshit and frustration and tears and the hard stuff thank you.
Thank you new homies. Thanks for visiting.
Thank you even haters.
Sometimes you haters just make me giggle and I am thankful for that.
Here is to an awesome 2014. If you celebrate, do so safely my darlings. Remember to call cab if you're drunk, stay home if you want to, do you and do it well.
Now I am off to spend the remainder of the year writing, working on my etsy store and getting together some really exciting stuff. I have a plan y'all and 2014 is gonna be awsome.
don't forget if you are so inclined to visit my etsy store and frolic, share or buy.