Once upon a time there was a chubby Black girl who walks around feelin herself.
LOL no okay.
So earlier this week I was walkin around lalalala. I had a short but frustrating conversation with a woman who is my age, a little fatter than me. She said she sees me in the hood fairly often and she of course mentioned that she noticed I've lost weight.
After swearing that I don't have a sooper seekrit weight loss thing and briefly explaining that I am fairly ambivalent to slightly disappointed with having lost weight she launched into one of those things that makes me cringe.
She spoke at length (on the bus too) about how much more confident I seem. How I'm "not afraid to show my stuff".
I was so tired y'all, all I could do is face palm.
She not only ignored what I actually said about my weight she ignored the fact that the last time we saw each other it was fucking cold so I had on a lot of clothing.
Lately I look something like this:
So it's warmish here in Washington and we know I hate wearing pants so most days I'm wearing a skirt, my fancy ass croc flats (no seriously they are the best fucking ballet flats ever) and my trusty velvet hoody.
Now I told her when she was done marveling at how I've kept my look and blablblabla that from size 4ish up through a size 22 or so (also I'll get to my actual weight in those years) I have dressed essentially the same.
The reason I'm walking around feeling myself is because I dyed my hair red recently and I look fucking cute as shit.
After it was clear that she wasn't trying to believe that I felt as good if not better about myself and my body when I was fatter I just shut down.
The point is my friends that even I whom y'all tend to think is pretty bullet proof sometimes just can't engage.
One of the things that never ceases to amaze me is how so many people just don't understand that a lot of fat people don't walk around consumed by their fatness.
Fat people have shit to do. Work, home, school, jobs, eyebrows, manicures, fancy cars, writing, reading books, walking dogs, chasing goats.
It breaks my heart that so many not fat people seem to think that life is a diet commercial. Fat lives aren't all fat people sitting next to windows gazing wistfully at the outside world, with a single tear rolling down their fat cheek because they can't do anything because they are fat. Fat people don't generally magically lose a shitload of weight and then find themselves spinning in charming circles in Paris or running around in fucking meadows.
That is just not necessarily how it is.
It reminds me of tampon and other vagina product commercials.
All of a sudden you do a thing to your pussy and you can drink wine with your girlfriends, run in a meadow AND GO IN A POOL.
Know for those who believe wholeheartedly that being fat or being really fucking fat precludes the ability to just live let me ask you this.
When you see those terror clips on tv that show fat people outside, when you see that they have no heads we can assume that they aren't actors right?
Now if fat people weren't outside doing things (going to work, at amusement parks, at cultural events etc) how would that footage happen?
If they are in fact all actors, how could they be outside you know acting if fat people can't do anything because they are fat and being fat takes over your entire life.
Fat people from wee tiny fats like myself to really fucking super fat people have shit to do.
Fat people of many sizes live lives.
Those who are in fact entirely consumed by their fatness, often if we examine that and talk to them we learn that it is not coming from within but from the outside.
If those people weren't abused into believing that their worth as a human and their ability to live a life is dependant on the size of their ass, they'd be living too. I stand by that shit firmly.
So if you are fat and don't think you can do stuff, you can do stuff.
You might need to do things differently if you are really really super mega fat but you can still do stuff.
Some stuff might be harder than other stuff and that is okay.
What's not okay is projecting a fat=symbolically dead narrative onto fat bodies or bodies that were once fat.
Stop doing that it is not okay.
I really wish that instead of assuming I look cute cause mya ss is smaller, assume I look cute as fuck because I have style and a kick ass dye job.
Or just think I look cute.