Again this week (after numerous times of this happening) I am just...I am irritated.
Can someone explain to me how it is that my work here in my little blog over the years has been good enough to quote and be used for source material for textbooks, articles, other blogs but people can't be arsed to look to the right and see my goddamn name?
You know I realize that when everybody and their Mama was getting blog based book deals that I was not shooting for that.
I realize that I am not a Nice White Lady nor am I a generally recognizable name in FA circles but, how intellectually dishonest is it to use my hard work without bothering to learn my name?
Given that this has happened for years at this point and I'm sure I've only caught a small amount myself and the readers who have tipped me off haven't known what to do, I can only think of a few things.
Is it because I am a "lay" person? I don't have a doctorate. I'm not even traditionally educated. Is there some shame in using such a poor resource? A resource that is made with code switching and that makes it clear that there is to be no academic jargon gate keeping?
Is it because this little blog is not hugely popular. Is it because this is not Shapely Prose nor is it any of the other once mega popular fat blogs?
Or is it because it's easy to steal from a Black blogger with a relatively small following? Naturally someone as disconnected from academia and social justice book publishing must be too ignorant to catch people in the act.
I am getting shades of Seal Press and that epic fuckarow back in the day.
How the fuck is this still happening?
I realize that due to frequent racist spam bombs in my various inboxes I can be not the easiest to get a hold of.
But since google attached G+ to everything, you can read my goddamn name.
This level of complete disrespect for me, my work as a writer AND the activism I have done in this space is astonishing and yet I'm not that surprised.
How is it that for every quote from a well known White FA blogger I see, their full names are always used.
Even if they are known by their handles people use their names.
Why don't I get the same respect?
I get that it must make White people feel real good when they can say they read the blog of a Black woman, even better to look at their book or whatever and say HEY LOOK I LINKED A BLACK PERSON.
But, it's too much effort to use standard attribution for a Black blogger.
And not one person who has done this, NOT A SINGLE ONE in the past six years has really admitted to doing anything wrong really.
The one's I have spoken to offered luke warm "I'll try" apologizes that they might as well have not even fucking bothered.
This is why I am really at a point where I would like to sever official ties to FA.
I am tired of having a bunch of different google alerts and methods to find out who and where my work is displayed without my consent or knowledge.
I can't even get a fucking thank you.
This is why I so often talk about my long term readers as my ride or die people.
So many of you have dropped me notes when you've seen posts and articles that have basically regurgitated things I've said or co opted my particular vernacular without even a shade of thanks to me.
So many of you have raged along with me about this.
I don't even know what to do anymore.
Currently I have been spreading my little writer chicken wings and trying to expand my writerly universe. I have had some amazing authors, editors and other people supporting me and giving me opportunities I don't know how I would have ever gotten.
So while I am feeling so good about that, here I am with this little blog.
My little blog has been my favorite litterbox.
I love my ride or die readers.
I love that so many of you have really come on the ride with me. You've supported me. You've encouraged me when I've been down. You've helped me through some shit in ways I can't even really describe and this keeps happening and tainting it.
It's worse that so much of it comes from academia.
I am not just angry. Of course I"m angry. I pay for the hosting here, I learned t code to make this blog look the way I wanted it to look. I did research into an option for my visually impaired friends (at the top there is a sort of auto reader thing). I have wept, I have been harassed, I have had people roll through here JUST to steal my photos and threaten to dox me.
I'm also hurt.
It hurts me in a very specific kind of way.
Am I good enough but not really?
Or is it worse?
What is worse?
Deep down every time I see this happen all I can think about is this.
It must be because I'm Black and who gives a fuck what some random Black girl has to say? Right? It'll make someone else look good to quote me but it's not important enough (as in being anti racist or even being an ethical writer) to give me the right type of credit.
I don't even know what to do.
I don't know how to feel except hurt and dismayed.
There is of course going to be some plagiarism in life. I'm a writer I know that.
But it doesn't have to be that way.
How about either attribute me the way all the Nice WHite People you attribute, or just don't bother at all. Don't read my work, don't link to it, don't quote me, pretend like I don't fucking exist.
I can't any further.
Later this week (had been planned for today) we're going to get into some stuff about dealing with fatness outside of an FA context and I want to give y'all some tools to survive.
My regular homies, I love you.