Sunday, February 23, 2014

Wheelie Fat Fashion

Okay homies let us lighten shit up for a minute.

One of our homies uses a wheelchair and she would like some advice about femming up her fashion. She is about a size 20-22 and doesn't care for fitted things or anything with a rigid waistband. She would like to explore some gothy, femme looks.

Ready let's get started.

Since the weather is still cold most everywhere let's talk about keeping your legs warmer.

If you are going to be wearing skirts, it is essential to layer. Now whether you go for leggings or tights I highly recommend buying awesome socks.

See Sock Dreams Plus size socks here. Now, once upon a time there were few syles for fat les at Sock Dreams and that is long gone. Now those of us with righteously big calves and big ass hams have options.

My personal favorite boot and all round comfy warm socks are these. They stretch a lot, (at some point I will have Uniballer wear his and we will model them for you calf to calf), doesn't bind and if you have shorter legs they might even reach OTK. AND they are super affordable and the staff is darling.

If you are using a wheelchair and want a pop of color or patterning AND to be warm (especially those of you who might have circulation problems) awesome socks are the way to go.

Now let's talk skirts.

I am a skirt fanatic. One of my methods for thrifting skirts is to know my measurements, know what cuts I like and what fabrics or colors I want.

Our homie said she would prefer midi/maxi length skirts so let's look at some of those.

Most of the following are coming from Woman Within.

This skirt first. Now first I love that full roomy shape. Second it is knit so it is easy care and the best thing is it comes in sizes 12-40. That style of skirt can easily go with a ruffly blouse or a tank and cardigan depending on how you're feeling that day. Excellent staple piece that can be gothified with ease.

Now this one because I have a soft spot for tiered skirts. This one comes sizes 14 through 32 and is just gorgeous. In the winter pair it with leggings, tall socks and warm boots. In warmer weather pair with flats.

I highly suggest checking out their selections.

Now let's talk tops. Personally I prefer plainer tops (tanks and tees mostly) and a cardigan because I get cold.

Look at all these cardigans at one stop plus. The only caution I will offer is that if you are using a wheechair watch out for the sharkbite and pixie hemmed cardigans, we don't want them getting caught in your wheels. If you by one of those opt for a more substantial fabric so they don't flutter around too much while you are moving about.

The other recommendation, I have is that it is very easy to goth up an outfit with accessories.

Check out the treasury I made on Etsy of stuff I like.

Remember accessories don't have to be mega fancy or expensive. Try cruising ebay with keywords like "black rose jewelry" "Skull jewelry" "gothic jewelry". It can be overwhelming but you will probably find some stuff you like for reasonable prices.

Overall for me, I tend to just look everywhere. Kmart, Forever21, Debshops etc. If I like something I will buy it and wear it. Most everything I buy is black..of course but I have cultivated what I call office Goth which usually means boots, skirt or pants, cardigan or hoody and stuff. I'm not fancy but I'm comfortable and happy. Except for the pants, but it is too cold for me to fuss about that overmuch.

If you are into DIY try making yourself some accessories, buy a baggy of spikes or pyramid studs and shiny up your stuff.

Remember my friend it is your world and you can do what you want. Don't believe the hype that in order to goth it up one must be in big hair, black lipstick and winklepickers. Anyone who says that is a bossy douchebag.

Do goth the way you want to.

I also mightily suggest watching youtube make up tutorials for ideas. Remember you can take a technique or an idea and do it in a way that pleases you.

Now I turn it over to you my homies. Any tips for our friend? Feel free to drop links AND knowlege.

Homo Out.

PS I am going to a writing conference this week so posting will be scant/none at all until after the 1st.


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Thursday, February 20, 2014

How not to talk to Fat people on the internet.

Lately when I read an article by a fat person, regardless of what they are talking about people feel the need to do certain things that I feel are inappropriate and frankly ill advised,

So I will be your fat ambassador today and explain you some things.

Scenerio #1

You are perusing your sites of choice and see an article about finding the best doodads for small living spaces. You like doodads, you live in a small space so you click. You read through the article and find some great tips, you scroll down to add in your six cents and BOOM the author photo is a fat person.

You recommend getting a shiny doodad at bargain basement prices and then you go on to tell all about how you went on the Unicorn Pee and Wombat poop diet and lost eleventy forty seven pounds and are SO MUCH BETTER AND HAPPIER NOW THAN EVER.

Stop.

Slap your own hand. This was not appropriate.

In this case there are things to think about. Number one, nobody is talking diets. It is like walking into a conversation about buying shoes and proclaiming loudly that the only way to cure the world of an addiction to gatorade is to stop production of it. No I know this is absurd but think about it. How do you react when people say things completely out of left field in a conversation.

Is it annoying to you when you are talking about a subject and someone starts talking about something entirely different because their opinion is SO important on the thing they are talking about, everyone has to do what they say?

Yes it is.

So don't.

The thing is, fat people know they are fat. Fat people talk abut things other than being fat and they don't really need you to try and force the conversation onto their body because you don't like their body or assume they hate their body. So don't. It's rude.

Scnerio #2

Fat person is talking about the trials and tribulations of buying pants. Maybe a group of fat people are exchanging ideas about where to go, how the fit is at one store vs another, whether or not a store has plus size in store etc.

You barge in saying CLOTHES ARE HARD FOR EVERYONE I AM IMPORTANT LISTEN TO WHAT I AM SAYING.

...........

So no don't.

If you are not contributing and you have nothing of substance to say about where to get fat people pants, make a separate post, tell your teddy bear about how hard it is for everyone to buy pants but keep it out of the original conversation. If you continue to yell about -everyone- because your Mommy or Daddy or whomever told you that your hiney is very special and everyone needs to know, people are not going to respond well. Your butt might be special but if in this context it is not a fat butt, keep your butt to yourself.

Scenerio #3

Someone fat writes an article about the negative impact of fat stereotypes and the tradition of using fat bodies to represent evil and to be the butt of every joke.

You decide to recommend diets because obviously if nobody is fat the problem would go away right?

No.

Stop.

Close the tab.

Heres the thing. Regardless of how a body actually looks, this problem is not because people are fat it is because people believe that based on physical appearance it is okay to shame or otherwise denigrate people. That is not okay. Your advice is not needed. Nobody is trying to hear what you have to say.

Here is the big point.

Not everything in the world needs to be an experience or issue you have a personal connection with. You can engage with a person on the basis of the actual content they have produced rather than whatever you want to lecture them about.

Here's the problem.

When on the internet you skip the content that someone worked hard on, you are essentially saying to that person: I don't care that you wrote a kickass article I hate your (insert your problem here) and I AM RIGHT BECAUSE FREE SPEECH.

And naturally that is not how free speech works.

You are of course welcome to have your opinions. The important thing is that not everyone needs or wants your opinion. Especially if you are coming out of the gate without being or engaging with the subject matter at hand.

If you've been internetting for a while, this type of behavior falls under Derailing.

And yes it counts even if you aren't doing it on purpose. So many people (acceptable bodied, able bodied, White, Cis etc) people are conditioned to believe that their word is always the base truth. That what they have to say about anything and everything should be listened to because they are entitled to be listened to and assumed to be right.

What happens when those people come up against someone like me who says, no this is not for you or about you, that entitlement turns into hurt feelings which turns into anger and pouting and relegating anyone different from themselves as big ole meany heads who hate freedom.

Now if you find yourself falling down the I am a picked on victim of the marginalized people who's space I invaded rabbit hole, grab your shorts and hold on.

You don't -have- to do that.

Yes it is hard to unlearn that behavior but you can do it. Look at you, you are on the freaking internet, you can move around, you can wipe your own butt you can do this.

This is where lessons you learned in third grade come in handy.

Don't interrupt, don't be rude, listen.

Remember that even if you are going to comment to tell some fat ass to lose their fat ass, you an actually control yourself. You can close the tab, you can into your own space and write a big ole long screed about how if only the fatty would lose weight you might listen to what they have to say about doodads for small living spaces.

You don't have to be an interloper. You don't have to be an Internet Tough Guy. You don't have to troll and you don't have to be that asshole.

I have faith in you.

You can even level up.

You can be one of those people who when you see those inappropriate, off topic and often mean comments who says, hey that is not cool cut it out.

One of the awesome things about the internet is that we can as a community decide if we don't want to put up with certain behavior in our spaces.

So let's do this.

And if you are one of the people I've been talking about, get on the road to not being a douche bag. You can do it.

Homo Out.

OH PS
Book homie I got your note and I will get back to you soon. I"m kind of swamped by life and things so I'm slower than usual.
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Sunday, February 09, 2014

Again with the centering thin White ciswomen.

So someone pointed me at this article today.

I started this several days ago but blogger had a meltdown and I lost it.

Before anyone says otherwise let's get a few things straight.


First of all I do not think what people said to that person is okay at all ever.


My problem is that again, again it is a NiceWhite attractive ciswoman being made the center of the issue.


What makes me angry is that there are I will dare say hundreds of fat bloggers, bloggers of color, tran* blogger,s gender queer bloggers who not only get those types of messages but things get elevated.


I personally since the first time I ever showed my face on the internet have gotten:


Racialized hate. I have gotten hundreds if not thousands of messages across many different internet spaces from gems like "ugly nigger" to "I will rape and kill you nigger cunt" the latter one I stripped off of one of my youtube videos about how to henna your hair.

I have been told that if I didn't stop basically being non-anonymous on the internet that I would be followed and killed, raped. People have threatened to try and get me fired from my job. 

These haven't just been anonymous dudebros. Some of them have been people who went through a good amount of effort to learn more about me. 

My problem is that because I am not (and many of us are not) Thin Pretty White Ciswomen, regardless of how we approach this type of abuse nobody says:


Passive acceptance is the exact opposite of Lindsay Bottos' attitude when it comes to this project -- and that's why we love it so much.


Instead, people tell us that maybe if we just lose weight, or stop being so Black or stop standing up for ourselves including being visible in the world that people wouldn't abuse us.

The entire world rides to the defense of Female Whiteness. 

For all of us who fall into the intersections of being the other, we get nothing.

That makes me angry.

Every time I see an article like this all I can think of are the many many brave people I have witnessed stand up for themselves. Even when it just means that they don't censor their faces out of their photos and they keep posting those selfies and outfit shots.

I am angry for those of us for whom just walking around with our heads held high and a swing in our step is a radical act.

I don't give a hot shit about thin pretty White ladies not shaving their arm pits.

I give a shit about fat people, trans* people, disabled people,  gender variant people, every one of us who will not adhere to the tyranny of the Thin Nice White Lady Ideal.

I am beyond tired of the cissexism, ableism, racism and White Lady centric rah rah you go girl bullshit.

My point I suppose is that everyone else, I see you. I celebrate how brave you are for being visible. I get it.

So that's all for right now.

Stay tuned I will probably announce soonish that I am migrating this whole shebang to wordpress. 

ALSO

my darlings.

If you have a looksy on your right at the bottom I've dropped an etsy widget over there. You can buy some stories by me and soon some crocheted items. Feel free to share with your friends or on facebooks or whatever if you can't buy.

Homo Out.


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